What I do know is that there is peace to be found and there love to be had, after the organisation (page 2)

BabaYaga

Beautifully written, Liftsong! Heartiest welcome to you!

Love,
Baba.

Ah yes I neglected to reply to the question with regards to my beautiful daughter. I am not going to pretend it was always a wlak in the park but I would hazard a guess that any separation between parent and child is never easy. It took years of commitment and a laboured focus on not letting my child ego lay down the track for me! However angry and isloated I felt at times. This is especially true for ex witnesses who were brought up in the organization. For many of us our child ego state never got the chance to evolve. This is why so many ex witnesses stagger around in turmoil as adults. As I hinted at in my previous posting, damage is damage ,and many wonderful people I have met over the years project similar destructive traits due to experiences they liveed through as children. It is a very frightening place for anyone who is led and governed by an internal child they cannot see and don't even realize exists.Our child ego state has that no real ability to manage a successful emotional adult life. It is hard to learn to love oneself when you are Pre-programmed to failure should you dare to think for yourself and that is what you were taught as a child of the organisation.

My relationship with my daughter is the single most precious thing to me. As I am writing this I am looking at a candle she bought me just a couple of months ago. For my birthday! It is fashioned into a sunflower with the words "A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend" etched into the design.

My daughter remained in the organization & my wife to this day is still a sister. She remarried about two years after we divorced. I stayed local for the first two years, more through miss placed guilt looking back than anything, but as soon as someone was there for my ex wife, I was able to move away from the small town that had been my exclusive experience until then. It was very hard for me, and my daughter over the years. We were unable to go any where or do anything so it seemed without bumping into a brother or sister who I had known all my life, but who couldn't wait to inflict the "cold front" you are invisible but I will say hello to the poor poor child on us. This created a lot of internalized anger with my daughter that we have had to work through together. Emily had a relationship with me that was exclusive, no doors and no windows. It took us from sitting in McDonald's when she was about four saying "Daddy why do you love Satan"? at the top of her voice. through to a strong resilient young woman who takes my breath away, with her empathy for others and ability to show such love and openness. She really is an inspiration to me. Emily took the desicion to leave the organization as soon as she could i her late teens. I do realize my influence as her dad was huge , but she does seem to have reached a level of equilibrium years before I did. She still has a way to, but she is incredibly strong. I if you haven't guessed by now, yes I am a very proud dad.

Snakes we are indeed the same age and I will be 43 in August and Emily has just turned 22. As to progress and our own personal journeys I think when you stand against a great cedar or a Parrot. 43 is nothing my Friend! There is a lot to be said for the wisdom that the graying of ones temples brings, that would be wasted in the young. Leaving the organization young is fraught with danger. Lamb to the slaughter doesn't touch the sides! I survived the rapids during that period of my life. I did all the things the youth book warned me about. what it never did do though was help equip me to be a human being. that was an experience of free fall, that we all make. Learning to breath and enjoy the view instead having ones eyes scrunched shut waiting to hit the ground with a thud, is something Emily has managed to do much earlier than me.

OnTheWayOut

Great opening post. Welcome, Paul.

Mickey mouse

Hello and welcome. I'm glad to here things worked out with your daughter.

Thanks for sharing your story. I never tire of hearing other people's experiences.

DaCheech

great experience, i hop i have the same relationship with mine!

LIftsong

Thanks again to my new found Friends here. Understanding is a powerful tonic and it seems to me I have hit on gold mine of the stuff here. Thank you!

DP I was so sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through and are going through now. The best advice I can give you with regards to your children is to just be the best dad that you can be and the best friend to your ex-wife that she ill allow you to be, as that will change over time.

Reading between the lines there is still much love there within your family unit and as head of the house, it is your duty to path the way for yourself and your children to the best that you can and no more. I don't know how old your children are, but they will love you anyway. I always said to Emily over the years that I would always respect her wishes and if she chose to embrace the truth as an adult I would not stand in her way. The only thing I wanted for her to do was be empowered enough to make those choices herself. I would suggest you do the same. It was hard for me to respect my ex wifes wishes as far as how Emily was being brought up. But I think allowing room within my relationship with my ex wife to focus on Emily, we have been able to pull together in crucial times when Emily needed to see a united front, on one of those occasions was at her bed side after she had to have surgery. I was asked to sign a blood declaration form and this I refused, but we sill found our way through some really hard times. We are all still here. Just take your time and don't make the mistake of physically leaving the organization and walking into no mans land by not allowing yourself to grieve and move on emotionally and interlecually. I did not allow myself to examine facts about the organisation that you certianly dont learn about at the meetings! I was actually quite protective of anyone who had bad things to say for some time after leaving! It took me a long time to realize that and a very special person to come into my life to help me lose the fear and move on. It was great to step back from that realization and be able to look back on the past and then at myself with a sense of knowing. Just make sure you tell yourself and your kids how amazing you all are. Empower them when ever you can, talk to them about art and do creative stuff together, it will become a useful bridge of communication for you in the future and you need to build this before you need it. Don't just expect it to be there. Plan for it. You have some very exciting times ahead my friend. Allow yourself to think freely and look to the sky for soul food. It doesn't stop being wonderful outside of the organization, in fact for me it became even more splendid when I allowed myself to move on.

villabolo

Thank you for sharing that and welcome!

LockedChaos

Yea

What He said.........................

Welcome

I've been out 30 years

Left at 23

I UNDERSTAND

Mattieu

Wow Paul, a big warm welcome, I was getting emotional reading your story as I am a 40 year old father with children who like you you started young (my first daughter was born when I was a 22 year old pioneer). I was born into the truth and can relate to your memory of answering up along with other memories such as the first talk given, assemblies.....

I made the mistake of waiting until my late 30's to begin the fade, my 2 oldest daughters had already stopped going and now I realise how much we have missed out in our relationships because of "spiritual responsabilities" I am attemting to make up for lost time.

Mark I am very sad for you as the last person that said this to me ended up blowing his brains out with a shot gun

Paul, over the years, so many elders and elders wives have made hurtful, insensitive comments that you look back and think they deserved one big slap across the face! I am so happy for you that you have arrived at the place you are in now with your daughter and got to enjoy the things the youth book said not too! I look forward to hearing more fom you,

Mattieu

PS _ Which country do you reside in?

jwfacts

Welcome Liftsong and thank you for such a well written experience and advise.

I agree with what you say that keeping a good relationship with your children is by far the best that you can do. Most JW children eventually leave, sometimes in the 20's, sometimes in their 30's, and so it is important that the exJW parent is loved and there for them when that time comes. It is a lot more likely for the child to have the strength to leave if they know they will have the support of at least one parent that they love.

What I do know is that there is peace to be found and there love to be had, after the organisation

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