Welcome, thank you for sharing your life story so forthrightly. I am in your same age bracket and wish I would have made my escape 20 yrs ago. I can so relate to the "cold front" that you receive from people you have known you entire life. I am glad your daughter eventually woke up, she probably would not have had the strength had dad not blazed the way. This is the gift I hope that my exit has given to our children. Will look forward to more of your posts.
What I do know is that there is peace to be found and there love to be had, after the organisation
by LIftsong 44 Replies latest jw experiences
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jamiebowers
Well said and welcome!
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independent_tre
It's posts like these that make me love this forum!!!
Welcome Liftsong!!
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LIftsong
Hi that is so true and i had always presumed Emily would leave at some point. it caused her so many issues being surrounded by people bad mouthing me when she was a child. There were other more sinister things that occurred long after i left the organisastion but that she had to remain silent about, as that is what she had been instructed to do. The analogy of learning to love to not be loved and learing to understand and not be understood really helped us both let go of the anger and resentment we both felt. Emily now totally understands why I had to leave and yes there will always be a part of me running to catch up with myself for the times I missed, and the times I did'nt tuck her in at night or read her a bedtime story, but what she does know is that I love her totally and wholly for who she is and not what I want her to be, and that means an awful lot.
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jeeprube
Great post Liftsong! I like the point you make about trying to be a "little adult." My wife and I were just talking about that. At that time in our lives when we're supposed to be kids, and enjoy the innocence of our youth, we were all forced to be adults. We were held accountable as if our brains were fully developed.
In short, we never got to experience that precious developmental stage in our lives. What a tragedy! Welcome to the board, I look foreward to what else you have to say.
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AWAKE&WATCHING
WOW...I mean it, wow.
Welcome! That was beautifully written. I am so happy for both you and your daughter that you were able to escape.
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LIftsong
I am yet again sitting here and filling up with a wave of memories and emotions thanks to all you guys and your responses to my posting. Thank you so much. I have often thought about dedicating a blog or getting a book together of my thoughts relating to the very closed world than many of us here have experienced. The loss of a childhood is a very sad thing and the problems it causes later down the line is often a question of damage limitation. You know that saying, the one that says " if only I knew then what I know now"? Well we do and it is vital we are there for those people in need of a lantern in whats other wise a very dark and frightening place. This should never be underestimated. Many of us end up hobbling into therapy or papering over the cracks, or worse just not being able to move on and half living our lives in a state of perplexed anxiety. Every news bulletin becomes an exercise in denial and controlling that inner voice of "yes that is a prophecy coming true" Armageddon is getting closer and I am going to die"! etc etc.
I reason why I feel so emotional from the things people have said is two fold. One is that you understand. I know many of us here will recall when you have used the phrases "well no it is not quite the same as that " or "You simply wont understand unless you had been there" to people who have become close to you and genuinely want to get it but just cant. And then there are those people who say "oh yer I was brought up a catholic" or worse. "Ah yes you are like those Mormons aren't you"...... Knowing we are out there getting on with our lives and knowing how it feels to have been denied a childhood does help. It is kindred.
One of the positives we enjoy from the experience we had and often miss is that sense of belonging. It is very hard to replicate. When we start to reason that we dint actually need to find replacements for the control we feel we have lost, and that control is still within each of u but just turned down so low, we can have problems hearing ourselves thats all. life becomes a lot easier to manage.
The other reason is that I genuinely and whole heartedly want to help others find that path that leads away from the fear that has cut so deep for many of us. If I can do that, even slightly then that makes my heart lighter and you will find me a little more evolved and a little more content that you found me yesterday.
Living in the now for an ex witness is virtually impossible without help. The path and signs to find the way out are often right under our noses, but with our eyes shut and an inherent fear of the dark, we are going to struggle to make the transition needed away from the self doubt, angst and worry that goes with the territory so familiar in our past lives. Without that reassuring warmth of someones else's hand in ours to lead us at our own pace, into the light can be a lonely and solitary lonely journey.
I was taught well by the elders to be a good communicator! To become a pioneer and then eventually an elder. I think it is time to use this ability to its best effect wherever I can.
I remember once sitting with this elderly sister who was one of the anointed ones, I sat with her at the age of about 8 or 9 in awe of that fact she was one of the 144,000. I should not have had my head filled with such massive subjects!but Emily and I have both reasoned that it has given us the ability to see around corners when other can't, figuratively speaking that is!
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LouBelle
I have had more peace in my life since I left. I have had more joy. I'm happy and excited about life. Love - well I still love my family, I have a few close friends I treasure...haven't been concerned with the romantic type - more out of choice and because I don't have to accept just any kind of 'love' thrown my way.
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iknowall558
Welcome liftsong and thank you......
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LIftsong
Hi LouBelle
Thanks for your message and how did you get your picture on your details? I cant work out how to do that for the life of me! Also I am glad you have joy in your life. the need for a sense of belonging is often very different for the reality we find. I for one was very lonely in the organization. But at the same time I desperately wanted to belong, to have Jehovah's approval, even if it felt like I was chasing a rainbow. I am very hard to love even to this day. I am loved, but I find it hard to sustain intimate relationships and i think it will always be hard to let people in on lots of levels. But hey who know eh