Need advice, they are trying to suck me in!

by Searchinggal 49 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Searchinggal

  Hello All,

  I am hoping you can help me. I have a very dear friend of over 20 years, who was brought up JW. Our children are friends and we have vacationed and been like sisters all these years. She lapsed for the 20 years I knew her and now she is back to being a JW full throttle. I stupidly gave consent to study with her, thinking it would be conversations about religion. I have been talking with her at least once a week, for up to 3 hours at a time for over 8 months. The pressure and the guilt that is getting laid on me is frightening, I have done my due diligence to prove that she is wrong, but I am no match for her Bible arguments. And I suspect, if I was a Bible Scholar, it would be the same, she would say I was being controled by the devil.

  Here is my real dilemma, how do I stay her good friend without becoming a JW? She says she loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me in Armegeddon. I believe her heart is full of fear for me, she won't listen to me about the past false prophecies, she says the light wasn't bright at that time! I think they are paranoid and manipulative. But there is no way that I can see to convince her of this. So here comes the question, is there a way to be a close friend of a JW without being one? Have you seen this happen? What can I say to her that won't offend but will get her off my back?

  Thanking you in advance, Searchinggal
• 

  carla

  You may have to consider the fact that you may lose her. Jw's are trained to lie so do be aware of that. You have tried to debunk her using scripture only? Have you checked out the info on cults? The scandals on jw's? If she is newly back she will be very zealous for quite some time, in my opinion. She will not take no for an answer and slowly you will be relegated to the backround because she will be so busy in meetings, field service, and trying to get a 'study' if you are not accepting jw teachings she will soon drop you for someone who will. Check out some of these-

  Freeminds.org

  http://watchtowercomments.com/

  http://www.watchtowerdocuments.com/

  http://www.freeminds.org/history/all1975.htm

  http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/hardtruth/new_converts.htm

  http://www.jwfacts.com/

  http://www.jwfiles.com/index.htm

  http://mmoutreachinc.com/jehovahs_witnesses/jehovah_witness_index.html

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/22408/1/1975-Made-Easy
• 

  chicken little

  Hej searchinggirl,

  No easy anwser to this one. Mutual respect is just about the only way to make a go of it. You both express your desire to maintain a friendship, but there would have to be "rules", no discussing of religion or bringing it into the conversation to make the other person feel uncomfortable. My dear friend stopped as a witness 14 years before I did. I wanted to keep her as a friend and I did. She was fantastic and NEVER expressed critic of my beliefs. I in return never gave her a guilt trip, we kept to our friendship through thick and thin. She was overjoyed two years ago when I told her I was leaving the JWs for good.

  So ask your friend straight out if she wants to continue the friendship on those terms. If the anwser is no, then I dont see any other way than for you both to part for the time being. When you have "studied" as you have for eight months you are well on your way to having the witness mindset imprinted on your lifestyle...that is not healthy and if you keep being exposed to it you will find yourself in a very uncomfortable place, as you even now are experiencing.

  Hope you can keep your friend, I know how you feel. Now I am out I have 2 friends I try to keep contact with. I do not respond to any information about the meetings , mags, assemblies etc, other than saying I hope they had a nice time. I then change the subject to something else, family, work, food anything. I also make sure I talk about how happy I am and busy (I do a lot of volunteer work now). I hope you can try this and see if it works for you.

  Kind regards

  Chicken little
• 

  jeeprube

  Here is my real dilemma, how do I stay her good friend without becoming a JW?

  I hate to tell you this, but you can't. Once she realizes that you don't want to sign up she will begin to limit her association with you until finally you rarely see her. That is what cults do.

  I know it's a raw deal, imagine if she were your mother or blood sister? Many of us here have suffered through the total emotional loss of very close family members due to this religion. It sucks.

  My advice is to resign yourself to finding a new friend.
• 

  Amazing

  Learn to ask questions ... and force her to discover the folly of her own beliefs. Start with the basics:

  Who is the founder of her religion?

  What were his credentials?

  What does she know about the subsequent leaders?

  What does she know about the men who now lead the religion?

  Then, ask where they got their authority to represent God? What year? How - in what way?

  What reason does she have to put faith in these men?

  Get her to give you a set of answers ... then, once she has, we can help you frame the next set of questions based on what the Watchtower has published. Never give a JW answers or impose a conclusion on them ... always ask questions, so that they are forced to think.

  Here is the link my story of how I help my entire family to leave the JWs ... it will show you why questions work best: http://www.freeminds.org/support/restoring-family/index.php

  For example:

  Are the leaders of the Watchtower inspired? She will say no, only the Bible is inspired. Then, you can ask her to explain the July 1943 Watchtower, pages 204, and especially 205, where they say that the Lord told them how many hours the JWs were to work in "Service" and that failure to obey is rank unfaithfulness, because the orders have the same force and effect as when God said to the Logos, "Let us make man in our image." That is powerful language showing that the Watchtower leaders think they are every bit as inspired as the Bible. She will be utterly stunned and unable to answer you. I has a JW friend tell me that the article was 'apostate' ... until he saw it for himself. He was so stunned, that he could not speak.

  I will be happy to PM you on this forum, or you may email me directly at [email protected]. My name is Jim Whitney, and I am fairly well known among the ex-JW community. Or pick someone to help you that you already know. But, do not let your friend suck you into this false religion.

  Trust in Jesus Christ alone, and not a man's religion.
• 

  chicken little

  I know my friends that are still in really miss me....I also know that they do sometimes cross the line and come over and go for coffee, to the movies or out shopping with me...I view all of this as positive and I dont give up on them as long as we keep the mutual respect...no discussions on jw stuff. Who knows what may happen?
• 

  Black Sheep

  First, protect yourself. Learn how to recognise a cult.

  Start here. This is a video on how to start your own cult. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnNSe5XYp6E

  It will be very difficult to remain a really good friend. If you never get baptised, she may still hang about, but if you get baptised, then leave, she will shun you.

  Your only hope of remaining a really good friend is to get her out of the cult. This is a bit tricky. Born in cult members, like myself, will use all manner of crazy logic to ignor the obvious.

  You would have to learn a lot to do this. Do not debate WT theology. Debate honesty, false prophesies, changing doctrines.

  If you need help, you have come to the right place.

  Welcome to the forum, Searchinggal.

  Cheers

  Chris
• 

  undercover

  Here is my real dilemma, how do I stay her good friend without becoming a JW? ... is there a way to be a close friend of a JW without being one? Have you seen this happen? What can I say to her that won't offend but will get her off my back?

  If she throws herself into being a dedicated JW, then I'm afraid that you're friendship as you knew before will change. You can remain friends, but you probably won't remain "good" or "best" friends, traveling together and the like.

  The more she becomes ingrained back into the JW faith, the more that she will view you as "worldly", a term they use to classify all non-JWs as something undesirable. That's why she's trying so hard to get you to join. She wants to keep you as a best friend, but she needs to be faithful to the religion.

  If you resist joining, she will eventually pull away from you. She may not cut you off completely, but you can expect to see less and less of her and in time, not even really understand her or know her as you did before.

  As you study up on this religion, you'll see that this isn't just a harmless little religion that disassociates itself from the "evil" world...this religion is a cult. Not like the Branch Davidians or the polygamous LDS cults that live on compounds, but mind controlling, manipulative nonetheless. You've already noted this yourself.

  If she is determined to re-join after years of being away, you may not be able to reach her. It has been the experience of most everyone on this board who has tried to help free family or friends from the control of the JWs, that until they question for themselves or have doubts themselves, no amount of debate or evidence against the religion is going to make a dent. Another sign of being controlled by a cult.

  If you want to keep trying to convince her she's wrong, it's best to pick one subject that you can use to prove a JW teaching or practice wrong and stick to that one subject. Corner a JW on a subject they can't readily answer and they deflect the argument. They're masters at that. Pay attention the next time you bring up a subject that she can't answer, she'll change the subject on you.

  Anyway, I'm not sure that will work, if she's bound and detemined to return to the fold.

  But good luck and let us know how it goes...
• 

  metatron

  Keep in mind: the goal is not to convert her - which is likely impossible - but to prevent YOU from being sucked into this ugly, family wrecking cult!

  To me, none of the Bible 'theory' matters. They made many predictions. Those predictions proved false. They cannot be relied on for 'truth'. If God says it's OK to lie, then nothing they say can be relied upon.

  metatron
• 

  garybuss

  how do I stay her good friend without becoming a JW?

  Ask her.