From 'Everlasting Life' to just a few more years. How did you handle the realisation that you WOULD die?

by nicolaou 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  nicolaou

  The thing is, a lot of us thought we'd never die. Do you comprehend what a truly massive mind-fuck that is? When I was embroiled in doubts and knew I was heading 'out of the truth' I remember waves of nausea hitting me. It was fear of dying. I didn't want to die - it wasn't fair, I wasn't supposed to die.
  
  Well I've accepted mortality but I still don't like it. I think when I'm lying on my deathbed I'll be feeling cheated that I won't see my children and wife anymore. Cheated that I had to grow old and face a finality that I was promised from childhood would not exist for me.

  It's been said that what we truly fear is not death but never having lived. That certainly is true, but for the ex-cult member indoctrinated to believe that he might literally never die there is another shadowy dimension . . . .

  I hope I'm wrong and that I won't be wasting any of my precious last moments in resentment and anger at some long-dead cult leaders.
  
  Nic'
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  yknot

  

  ..... I will only resign myself to accepting my personal vainity and seek out every regenerative medical procedure I can schedule!
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  Meeting Junkie No More

  Nic,

  Interesting post.

  I agree that, having grown up with this promise of never having to die, it became much more difficult to finally face the certainty of my own demise, certainly IN THIS SYSTEM! In a strange way, that was liberating, as well, so a bit of turmoil is how I would describe my initial realization. More determined to make every minute count from here on in; not that I didn't do that earlier, but I found that realization that time was slipping away made it a whole lot easier to quit the futile ministry immediately and wasting any further hours by keeping a seat warm at dull, boring, repetitive KH meetings.

  In my case, having witnessed quite a few earlier-than-usual deaths in my own family, I bought life insurance at a fairly young age and made sure my Will was in place and kept up-to-date. The big 40, still in this system, was the first shock. FIFTY really hit home.

  I've been thinking of my own funeral a lot, off and on. I definitely don't want it to be in a Kingdom Hall with the smarmy, one-size-fits-all infomercial at the end. Neither does the rest of my immediate family. So, what will we do when that time comes? Don't know...not affiliated with any church at the moment and may not be any time soon...whoever's left will probably have to stand up to the relatives still in, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
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  jakmarx

  relief. lol
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  Meeting Junkie No More

  jakmarx, that was FUNNY! LOL!
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  PrimateDave

  I grew up in the "Truth", so I was told I would live forever (if I was good enough).

  In my exit I had a moment when I realized that I was just like every other person, and every other living thing on the planet.

  I was not some special part of Jehovah's creation destined to live forever, but really one of the latest living generations of the primate species Homo sapiens that has been cursed with the accident of sentient self awareness.

  All of my ancestors spanning back thousands of generations of humans and hundreds of thousands of generations of hominids are all dead with the exception of my immediate parents and one grandmother.

  Why would I be any different?

  Does the fantasy of living beyond death or never dying at all in any way enhance this time I have to be me right here and right now?

  Dave
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  chicken little

  I never believed I would live forever.........why me? I felt less worthy than many of the billions that lived a life of extreme poverty without any means of changing it. I lived in relative plenty, I have had a good life...I am now 49 and I have seen my children grow up and also have a good life. Why should I want more? I use to study with people and tell them all about the paradise, yet deep down inside I just did not believe it.

  We live our life now...it is often unfair and difficult. There is no way around that except dying. I prefer the reality of life to the pie in the sky dream.
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  BluesBrother

  With disappointment, shock and a little fear, some resentment that I was not going to last forever, but I have only the proverbial threesscore years and ten, and three quarters had gone and I had wasted them.

  It is a horrible feeling to realise that everything that you have worked towards and based your life around has been totally wrong..What a loser!

  But I got over it and now just live like anybody else...NB the older dubs I know no longer seem to really expect it in their lifetime either.
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  JimmyPage

  This is a great topic because it completely changes the way I would have lived when I was younger. I would have pursued higher education much earlier instead of wasting time in field service. I would have chased my dreams much more aggressively and handled my money differently.

  I still believe in an afterlife but knowing that I definitely will die has both good and bad points. I don't fear dying early in Armageddon, so that's a relief. But it still sucks to get old with all the aches and pains that will get worse as time goes on.
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  Blithe Freshman

  The realization that so many of my decisions in life were based on "there would always be time in the new system". It was my cop out to be a coward when life was difficult.I made the easy choice to wait until later, instead of taking responsibility for my life.I was a doormat for my family.I chose a path in my early 20's of putting off me and what I wanted /needed my whole adult life.I didn't take care of my self and so have probably spent 2/3's of my life firmly entrenched in a pattern of living I am working to break. It's very scary and hard.

  But I have a long list I'm working on and an appointment with my husband this weekend to go over it. This may be as wild a weekend as when I told him I was going to the Witnesses for Jesus convention.

  Blithe