This Thread Is For Elders & Those Affected By Them

by minimus 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  minimus

  As an ex- elder, I can look back and see all the power and control we had as "shepherds". When I was an elder I genuinely tried to comply with anything "Mother" demanded of us. I would reason that since "Mother knows best", I would comply with the Organization, even if it didn't quite seem so fair or right.

  As time went by, I could not help but see the unfairness of soooo many rules and regulations. Instead of castigating a person for being tardy for a meeting, I began to commend them for their efforts to be there in the first place. Rather than beat down a depressed person, I went out of my way to encourage whatever I could find positive that they were doing. Certainly this approach was different from the majority of elders.

  On this board I see lingering resentment at times toward former elders because of the way that certain ones were treated. I can understand that. I do believe that we ALL were in a mindset, a cult, that made us believe we were doing God's will, when in fact, we were doing no such service for God. We've all come a long way and hopefully we can all see the past as a learning tool.

  I just want to say that I recognize that no one is "better" than another. Whether we were elders, pioneers, Bethelites or "lowly" publishers, we were misled and our thinking and actions were not truly based on real love, which is supposed to be a mark of true Christianity. We followed orders and directions from an entity that is more pharisaical than the Pharisees could've imagined!
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  Gordy

  Nice post Minimus

  I agree we were ALL under the influence of "Mother" Watchtower.

  Yes I sometimes think about "certain" Elders and their behaviour, power went to some of their heads.

  But there were those who did genuinely care for the congregation.

  As you say there is a regime of condemning rather than commending. If someones late its a case of "Better late than not all".

  If you missed a meeting and an Elder phoned it was usually "Why weren't you atthe meeting?" never a "Hi Gordy, how are you missed you at meeting. You OK." Would go a lot futher than the former to help.

  I have gradually over they years since leaving come to realise that those who are still in are really no different than I was when I was a JW.

  I was fortunate enough to escape, even though it cost me some of my family.
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  minimus

  There were some caring elders and most of them are gone!
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  AllTimeJeff

  Minimus

  I have wanted to blog about this for some time, and I still might. But its so hard to do so, knowing that the anger directed at the elders as a group is so great.

  I totally agree with everything you said. In my own experience as an elder, I thought it would be so cool to be an elder, have that power, DF those that didn't deserve to be in "spiritual paradise", be that hot shot leader...

  It was so different when I was appointed. (at 26 years old btw, not a good age at all, even though I really wanted it at the time) When you have to look at a broken hearted publisher and tell them basically, that they suck because their hours are low, they don't go to all the meetings, then have to listen to a CO get on you for that, its an eye opener.

  As far as the ex JW community is concerned, I wish they could understand and see the amount of elders that would actually treat them well and better if they could. It's all a big, delicate game. You have to appear to tow the company line, kiss the CO's ass, and say the right things while at the same time, making sure that you treat people the way they really should. (and the way Jesus would if you believe that sort of thing)

  I am not saying that these kinds of elders aren't in the minority, but they aren't a small amount either. The borg drives them away with their bullshit, which is why since the generation change in '95, they can't keep enough for all the GB has for them to do....

  I got in "trouble" because a teenager who was a bit hormonal lied about his involvement with teenage girl. Suffice to say, he had every reason to lie. His family was looked well upon, he didn't want to upset the apple cart, and who wants to go through that bullshit?

  I believed him. He knew I cared about him. He felt bad about lying, I know, but I don't hold that against him. In his own way, he was dealing with the crap that the borg put upon him.

  I know that "the elders" represent all the hell that the faders and exJW's have had to go through, and that is legitimate anger. But they are victims too, as you put well Minimus. If you try to be loving, you are termed "soft", and get counseled. You can be counseled for harshness, but that is not a frequent occurrence.

  The elders are the most controlled and picked on group in the borg. They get letters ALL the time. Correspondence from CO's, RBC, HLC, Assembly Committees, etc. Prepare the meetings, take the lead in FS. It's NUTS! Grumpy elders, while they shouldn't be, are grumpy for a reason. The life is literally being squeezed right out of them.

  There comes a point where eventually, your brain says "Enough", the circuit breakers turn off, and thats all you can give.

  I'm not saying that when elders mistreat the flock that its ever right. I am saying there is an underlying, driving reason behind it.
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  aSphereisnotaCircle

  Min and Jeff,

  You both have made some really good points. My desire to knee an elder in the nuts have somewhat lessened.

  Besides, I would have let my children die for want of a blood transfusion, An elder being a jerk kind of pales in comparison.
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  minimus

  Jeff, I concur. I also was young....24 when I was appointed. At such a young age, it's easy to believe that you're special and your "needed" to help the congregation.
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  minimus

  aSphere, thanks for that! My nuts feel better already!
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  AllTimeJeff

  Ditto on keeping my nuts from further damage....

  I don't mean to overgeneralize the topic, because we all know that there is a fair amount of elders who were jerks before they were elders, and they wanted to continue to be jerks as an elder. They deserve ZERO sympathy.

  Being an elder is a breeding ground, it does attract a certain mentality and personality. Having said that, elders are NOT free to do and teach as they want. If anything, the last 3 years I have observed the GB's efforts at controlling the elders even more.

  If it was a crap job 10 years ago, its hell and gone worse now.
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  WuzLovesDubs

  There were some good elders. There were some senile elders. There were brutish elders, self righteous elders, elders who were forced into the job because there werent enough "qualified brothers" available in the congregation who still didnt have pimples....and some dick heads. I started to become disallusioned when I was studying and then after baptism moved in with the CO and his wife...who had been my study conductors and became long time friends to me and my whole family. I named my children after them.

  But I watched Brother B...and he was an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT person at home. He put on his elder cape and his spandex suit with the big E on the front of it and went to the hall several times a week, and at nights holed up in his office fielding calls, doing reports, studying for a talk somewhere...and he was all "spiritual" when he needed to be for the sake of the suit. Elders were not crags in the storm, they were puppets, they were suckups to the CO, they were janitors and window washers and landscapers on a POWER TRIP who when outside the four walls of that hall, didnt amount to a hill of beans, but inside they were demigods with the lives of 120 people in their hands. Very intoxicating stuff.

  So my translation of that was...this whole GIG is smoke and mirrors! NOTHING is real, genuine, or Godly....it's a big PLAY and the elders and the MSs and the congregations are all players in it. All of us showing the world one thing, showing each other at the hall another thing...and in the privacy of our homes...something else again.

  Disingenuous bullshit...so TOTALLY not of, from, or with....God.
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  minimus

  Many of us were indoctrinated from childhood to "reach out". That's all I ever heard. So with that mindset, you aspire within the congregation and remember there literally was no other place to go. You couldn't "reach out" in schooling, a career or with your talents.