This Thread Is For Elders & Those Affected By Them

by minimus 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  lancelink

  There was an elder from my old hall, J. renfrow and man was he an idiot !

  he had the reputation as the local pedophile because he was ALWAYS encouraging the young (under 17) sisters.

  if you were a brother, he would ignore you totally unless you were pioneering with the goal of bethel service.

  And guess what,, most members of the hall thought he was a total fool,, but he was a business partner with the PO (redman) and every single

  one of his creepy traits was overlooked.

  The good old boys club in action.
• 

  Athanasius

  Like several other posters, I was also 26 when first appointed an elder. Though there were seven elders, including myself, on the BOE, three of us had been to college. I had two years of college at the time, another elder was a college graduate, and the third had served as an officer in the Marine Corps during WWII. Interestingly the three of us formed the liberal wing on the BOE. However, the longer I served the more liberal and independent I became. Since I didn't suck up the the CO, during my 12 years as an elder I only had one Circuit Assembly part even though I was considered a good public speaker.

  The former Marine officer and I served on several JCs together during which we handed down compassionate decisions. Of course these decisions were criticized by the more strict elders, and during the CO's visit we were also criticized for being too liberal.

  In the spring of 1984 the elder who was a college graduate was deleted as an elder. About that time I read Crisis of Conscience and realized that I could no longer in good conscience serve as an elder. I resigned in September of that year and faded.

  Unfortunately most of those whom we dealth with in a compassionate manner during JC meetings are still JWs.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Very shortly after being appointed, and ever since, I've felt helpless and inadequate as an elder.

  I had reached out in hopes of helping others and helping the congregation. I quickly found that after being appointed, you're no more able to leap tall buildings than you ever were. Perhaps even less so.

  Now you're an elder and can "shepherd". Sorry, you can't miraculously fix things, and usually don't know where to even start helping people with serious problems... other than read them an excerpt from an old story book. Woop-tee-doo. The "holy spirit" that was supposed to be dripping from you after your appointment "by the Holy Spirit and the Governing Body" must have been more occupied somewhere else. Not only can't you help people, but when you actually have some good advice or encouragement, the listener doesn't listen and they just keep making the same lousy mistakes that made their life a mess in the first place. And those ever-so-important elders meetings really accomplished little more than wasting time in debate. And the letters and the CO visits and the meeting parts and the constant demands on your time with corporate procedures, etc. left little time and energy to really try to help anybody, even yourself.

  Oh, and those wonderful Elders and MS Schools, where you'd have to waste a weekend accomplishing... nothing, really. Stupid me, expecting it to include deep spiritual explanations of Biblical prophecy and how to invoke the Holy Spirit to perform miracles. Nah, it's about filling out forms and following Corporation procedures. A couple parts will be the same stuff that we've heard ad nauseam at the Serve-Us Meetings. And I'd look for something else to read as they waste my time listening to the prepared counsel for the elders with families, wives, and children.

  I started with the desire to help and thought I could accomplish a lot of good. I took less than three months to get into "burnout". After that, it was just all new levels of disappointment, disillusionment, and more burnout.

  "Spiritual Paradise"? That's all a scam.

  B the X
• 

  verystupid77

  Your family be damned, we need your husband/father as an elder... Sorry!

  How vert true those words are.

  I was an elders wife for all of our marriage. It was hell. I was never that proud of my husband for being an elders as I was hurt. He is older than I am and when we married he was already an elder.

  He gave everything to the congregation and so much of the time there was nothing left to give me. I remember talking with the CO when we were first married and telling the CO how hard I was finding it with my new husband having to be gone so much doing elder things. The CO responded to bad for you, your husband is needed by the hall first.

  I am still so hurt by all that happened. Some of the young MS's wives also treated me like crap because I had a husband who was an elder and they wanted that glory. I was like you can have it I honestly just really wanted a husband really bad.

  I remember one time this sister who claimed to be of the anointed called up and told me Friday night (did not ask but told me) that my husband would be coming over to spend the day with her the next day. I had things plained to do together that I had been really looking forward to doing with my husband. I told the sister that and that my husband would be over some other time she was MAD and told me to bad your husband is an elder first. I said I am sorry he is my husband and I really need him tomorrow. She was yelling at me and told me my husband had better be at her place the next day and hung up on me. I never told my husband she called and I turned the ringers off on the phones. We had a gtreat time the next day together and on Sunday at the meeting the old hag just glared at me but lucky for me she did not speak to me for well over a year. I learned a lot from that about standing up for myself as an elders wife.
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  minimus

  Liberal minded elders were either forced to be more punitive or they would eventually resign. The Organization is made up mostly of hardliners.
• 

  Quirky1

  Min, "The power they tried to yield" is the very reason why I would not allow myself to be an elder and the reason behind me resigning as an MS. I have never been one to think of myself as "better" or "above" another and could not be one to sheppard as they did. I knew what they were doing was done incorrectly. Most elders were on a power trip, each on a different level of authority. But as you mentioned there were some good ones and usually these were either weeded out or weren't allowed to be vocal and their opinions and ideas were ignored.