My JW Daughter sends a Letter to us Explaining her Shunning of Me

by flipper 81 Replies latest jw friends

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  Amha·’aret

  Hi Flipper,

  What a sad situation. And yet there is some good in it.

  As others have already said, she is having some form of communication with you and I'm sure you're grateful for that! :)

  As far I can see there are 2 routes you can take.

  1.) Say something like "You're probably never going to leave and I'm probably never going to go back, so let's just get our relationship to the best it can be within those parameters." Or words to that affect. I spoke to a counsellor about saying something like that to my still-in family. He seemed to think it was a good idea. I did say those words to a sibling and it worked very well. Definitely took the sting and her suspicious feelings out of it. And did improve the relationship.

  2.) Belief what Steve Hassan says. She will get out of the cult, its only a matter of how soon and how easily. To that end, consider doing what he recommends in the book and prepare an SIA with her. Do all the necessary prep work and then try and spring her. A hard slog but with the best possible outcome as the potential result. Depending on your finances, it may be worth considering contacting Steve himself. His book doesn't really cover the eventuality you and I are in, ie trying to release people from the bonds that were once ours also. So his personal involvement may be the added ooomph you need.

  All the best in whatever you decide.

  Keep us posted!
• 

  JWdaughter

  HI Mr. Flipper (and Mrs!)

  You raised a devout JW on the one hand, but a very polite and loving young lady-who, in spite of her dedication to her faith, did not do as some have and fire back a hateful letter, return the gift torn and destroyed-to prove their faith. I hope that she grows up soon and realizes that giving up two wonderful people merely because one of them doesn't go to the same church organization as her is counterproductive to everything Jesus was really teaching.

  I have seen so much ugliness directed to ex JWs. I am glad that the goodness of her upbringing is prevailing to a degree here. There is hope. You have good kids!

  For her to be kind to a step mom and recognize her goodness and loving kindness is a wonderful aspect of this because it is sometimes experience with those we are told are so evil, that turn out to be exactly the opposite of what we were taught that puts a hole in our blinded devotion to something. It happens to every kid regarding their parents-they discover they are mere humans. If she can realize that 'mother' is nothing more than a bunch of humans who are dead wrong about non-JWs, then good for you all.

  My best to you both and to your daughter. I hope everything works out right for you all.

  Love,

  shelly
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  steve2

  You have raised your daughter to be a genuinely respectful woman. She acknowledged your gift and felt the need to explain her behaviour which is a damn lot more than many children would ever do! There appeared to be no angry, bitter thoughts in her letter - and she wrote to you in person (in contrast to a letter addressed to you both). These are early days yet. Go easy in your response.
• 

  dinah

  Flipper, I read this when you first posted it but just couldn't respond. I was wondering how you must feel with her telling you that you gave her a "gift" in knowing jehovah. Did you throw up?

  Their poison is passed from generation to generation.

  I hope you two can find a middle ground.
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  happpyexjw

  Oh Mr. Flipper, this is so sad, but not without hope. She has not rejected you and still responds to you with kindness and respect. It is obvious that she cares about you. I agree with those who have said to take this nice and easy. Keep your reponses to her gentle and non-religious and let her know that you continue to love her and want only the best for her.

  You must be patient and wait for her to come around. I am ashamed to say that I have shunned relatives myself in the past. I realize now that what I did was very hurtful to them, but at the time I was convinced that I was doing the right thing after years of JW programming. For me, it took many, many years to wake up to the truth about this organization. You can never guess what might come up in her own life that might cause her to begin having a change of heart. In the meantime, try to the keep the lines of communication open and don't try to discuss religious topics with her.

  All the best,

  Mary
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  The Oracle

  Hey Flipper!

  Don't despair my friend...I share the thought that some other posters elluded to...she will break free eventually... it is just a matter of time. She does seems like a respectful person who does think deeply about things (even though she is obviously brainwashed -like most of us were). That makes her a candidate for freedom!

  I laughed at the part where you speak to the audience - remind me not to do that good of a job next time...haha. Even though it is not a great situation I love the way you find a humorous twist to help ease the pain. I really do feel that there is great hope for your daughter!

  We are having some success with our hardcore JW families, so I know from experience, as do many other here, that you can pull even the most devout JW's out of their fog and in to reality.

  Good luck, buddy!

  The Oracle
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  flipper

  Thanks SO MUCH !!!!! for all the wonderful advice. You guys and gals all had me on the verge of tears being misty eyed seeing all your thoughtful , caring comments. But they were happy tears at seeing the caring and the positive possibilities that might help my daughter if my wife and I take it slow and be careful. I just want to thank you from the deepest part of my heart as I truly do love my daughter and miss her so much ! It seems that most of your comments recommend that Mrs. Flipper and I show her love and authentic caring, avoid religious or cult subjects, and just take it slowly. I'll resond individually page by page in segments but just wanted to give a huge THANK YOU !! for your caring comments ! You guys are the greatest . You've shown more love than I ever received in the witness cult for sure. I consider you all my friends. Thanks again.

  SAD MICHAEL- I feel I am a good person who does not need to " beg for forgiveness " as you put it. I haven't done anything wrong to anybody. Perhaps the elders I was originally wronged by should " beg me for forgiveness " - now THERE'S a concept. I'll just try to show non-cult love to my daughter- thanks.

  MRS. JONES- Thanks for the support.

  OOMPA- Yeah, it hurt to read those letters too- but at least my daughter is communicating again.

  HOMEROVAH- She is deeply indoctrinated , however she is still showing some authentic caring in her comments. So I just have to appeal to her non-cult personality. And yes- the way the WT society controls these people to treat family members IS criminal in nature.

  JOHNNY- I'm sorry to hear about your brother not being invited to his daughters weddings. I attended both my daughters weddings- but was not allowed to walk them down the aisle. I will keep good thoughts about this- I don't pray - but I do meditate for higher reasoning and wisdom. Thanks
• 

  Balsam

  Wow, I know you wish you could just make her understand but she has to have the desire and actually believe something is very wrong. I made up my mind I was not going to have contact with anyone who shuns me and that included my two sons. But I was fortunate at least my sons left the mind control but it could have easily gone the other way. I would not have sent them anything, no letters, no cards, no nothing unless they came to me saying they had 2nd thoughts. I have a nephew I haven't had any contact with now in 8 years and I consider him and his family dead to me till he leaves that baloney religion.

  I know it has got to break your heart, just the constant reminder of the lack of love for family and believing that God demands that of them.

  Hugs,

  Ruth
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  OUTLAW

  Sad Micheal..

  You should swallow your pride, forgive those who have sinned against you, give up the painful feelings you cling to that caused you to leave Jehovah, and beg for his forgiveness and that you may return to his flock. I pray your daughter and any others who are faced with the choice of being loyal to Jehovah or anything or anyone will (continue to) choose Jehovah. It's not anything other than an expression of our love for you, and I hope you will undrstand it someday soon while there is still time.

  I have three sons who are faithful, one has been disfellowshipped for 2 years and is soon to be reinstated. I agreed with it then and I agree with it now. My wife agreed wth it then and does not agree with it now. What has changed? Jehovah didn't neither did I or my sons. even the one who was disfellowshipped understands why and agrees with it. She has jumped overboard and let go of the life preserver, the only thing is the one she thought she was going to rescue is already back on board. I hope you can find some way to be rescued too............................Anyone who would turn thier back on thier Family because the WBT$ says so,is a Cold Hearted Prick!..Thats exactly what you have done.......Flipper is not the one who need`s to beg forgiveness,you are!!..Go to your children and beg thier forgiveness......It`s the right thing to do...........................................OUTLAW
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  mrsjones5

  Outlaw