My JW Daughter sends a Letter to us Explaining her Shunning of Me

by flipper 81 Replies latest jw friends

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  Dagney

  Hi Mr. Flipper! How are you? Good to talk with you a while back...hope all is well.

  Geez, hard to know exactly what to do. That was a tough read, but having walked in her shoes, I understand her specifically worded response.

  I sort of think it is not that necessary to advertise the "truth about the troof." When a person is ready to question, everything in the world is available at their finger tips, and anonymous. Anything else seems to be met with defense, just as I would do if I was in. I wouldn't ever talk to somebody I felt was trying to weaken my faith.

  I pick my arguments. I have certain specific things I continually repeat to individual JW's. One I say "their math doesn't add up." That's all I say. Someone else I say "I can't be that mean to people. It's not in me. It's unnatural to pretend people you've know your whole are invisible. You have to get somebody else to do that dirty work." And that's all I say. They don't argue and don't ask. But they know what I mean...they know the crazy math and the way they are expected to treat people, even people not guilty of any infraction other than to not attend meetings.

  I admire those that have been able to do it here. Kudos to you all.

  Love to Mrs. Flipper!
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  joelingeorgia

  i think Mouthy nailed it. I just ignore the preachtalk from my family on the few occasions that we do communicate and

  just make sure to say to them that I love them, which I do.
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  steve2

  Dagney expresses well the need to balance attempts to expose the Watchtower's shocking history with maintaining family ties.

  Although I'm disfellowshipped, the occasional "back-sliden" relative will try to sweet talk me into discussions around "The-witnesses-may-not-be-perfect-but-they're-the-closest-there-is-to-having-God's-truth". These discussions not only infuriate me - because it's like the back-slider is trying to redeem themselves - but they also bore me to death because I know deep down their heart is no longer in the organization anyway, but they keep going back to it.

  I usually say something like: "You know, if the organization's history and practices add up to you and are the best there is on offer, it makes complete sense to go back. They just don't add up to me. Let's just respectfully accept you and I have a different view on the matter."

  I then turn the conversation to something more agreeable something I know we both have an interest in. Works every time!
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  restrangled

  Flipper, I am so sorry. As a former JW daughter, would never have shunned my own father no matter how mad I was at him. This shunning bull has just been reinforced at a recent Service meeting....my own mom is all hot and bothered to get all DF''d feeling the heat.

  She keeps saying its Jehovah's arrangement. I just want to gag and gag her at the same time.

  I am so very, very sorry for your pain.

  r.
• 

  restrangled

  oops double post.
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  flipper

  DAGNEY- Hi ! How are you doing ? Good talking to you too. Things are going well. My wife sends her love back to ya ! Good points you make about witnesses being able to find out on their own when they are ready. There certainly is a lot of information on the internet ( if they'll allow themselves to look ) that will assist them in seeing the real truth about the alledged " truth " . I guess I was the same way as well when I was a witness - not allowing anybody to dissuade me from my beliefs. " Their math doesn't add up ". That's a good one- I'll have to remember to use that one sometime.

  JOELINGEORGIA- That's a good suggestion to ignore the preachtalk - just tell her I love her and share fun experiences we've had with non-witness times.

  STEVE 2- That is a good way you have of handling your " back sliding " relatives as you stated - just let them know you won't be drawn into a discussion on it. Just state that you have different views and change the subject. Good way of handling it
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  flipper

  RESTRANGLED- Thanks for your kind comments. Yeah, I never would shun any of my relatives either if they were inactive OR DFed . But like you say- it seems to me that the WT society has been clamping down on the control towards the rank and file members even associating with ANYBODY- DFed or inactive who say even the slightest thing negative towards the organization ! It's like the witnesses are walking around with this paranoid chip on their shoulder just waiting for an inactive person to knock it off so they have an excuse to shun them. Really bizarre. If this is Jehovah's arrangement- I think I like Satan's arrangement better ! LOL!

  But I have a good feeling about what my wife and I will write her next week. It will just deal with the fun non-witness activities we have shared- with no JW references or references to her comments regarding JW ville. Gonna reach out as a dad, nothing more. Before I send the letter- I will post it on the board so people can give me their takes. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  AK - Jeff

  SO sorry that the drama continues, flip.

  I am sure your daughter is lovely in many ways - but like most [or all] jdubs, she is ignoring 'that man behind the curtain'. So many of us have lost people so important to us by daring to think outside their little box.

  I recall hearing once of an elder who left Bethel when he figured out the 'truth of the truth'. One member of his JC said something to the effect that he might leave, but 'we have your kids'. If I recall, two of them were also at Bethel. Once he was DF'd he said he had no idea if his kids married, had children, or where they lived.

  Don't recall where I read that - here on JWN or somewhere else. The shunning policy is powerful. They know it works. I wonder how many of them are playing along rather than loose all their family. Must be a million of 'em.

  Peace to you and Mrs Flipper.

  Jeff
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  restrangled

  Flipper I hope this works....

  Its from a daughter to her father, and its how all daughters feel....sending much love to you. (Father's in the mines is the father's lifetime of work)

  My father is gone, .....how I loved him.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Enqj2ojicw&feature=related
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  Barbie Doll

  Flipper my Friend, I hope everything is well with you and your wife.

  Your Daughter is a Sweetie, she loves her Daddy. She sounds a lot like you.

  Its going to be much harder for her, to let go of her JW faith.

  She is talking to you, she has not rejected you and still responds to you with love.

  She wants her Dad back, that is a good thing.

  Its going to take time. Mouthy---is right Keep it simple. Keep communication with her.

  PEC---Brother was so nice to us, we miss him. He went back to JW, and now he doesn't talk to us.

  Keep telling her you love her, I wish you the best.