That's a fine letter, Mr. Flipper.
Just keep showing her what life is all about - faith, hope, and the greatest of all - love.
You are something else!
Sylvia
Sending Out a Letter to My JW Daughter - Give Me Your Thoughts Please
by flipper 82 Replies latest jw friends
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happpyexjw
Mr. Flipper, will you and the Mrs. please adopt me? Wow! What a beautiful letter - I think you should mail it just as it is. I would love to receive a letter like that. I hope it helps you to reach her heart.
Mary
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trebor
Excellent letter.
I would love to see one which could be sent to parents (Reverse scenario), as well as siblings. Anyhow, all the best with it!
-Trebor
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keeshondgirl
it sounds great. when I became a witness, my parents were very upset but I was just told they were satans agents trying to get me to side with them. My parents said all they could to me to come back to them but I had to see things for my self. 5 years later I seen how right my parents really were about everything. ITs good you kept your letter neutral, she can't block anything out in her mind. YOu didn't mention religion, just the good times you've had. when my parents would write the good times we had and how much they missed being with me that always stuck with me and I would cry hard because I missed it too. My new witness friends at that time never showed me the love my parents and siblings did. IF anything, she will always treasure those memories of her family. But for as long as she is happy in the 'box' then she won't leave it. She has to figure things out for her self. When my parents told me what to do, I distanced myself further from them because I was taught and truly felt at the time that they were being controlled by satan. Once my husband and I started to see hypocrisy and things that weren't scripturally correct was when I started to think of what my family was telling me. I wasn't in contact with my family for a full year and they lived five minutes away. that year was when I started to see how the organization really was. I was a pioneer that year and my eyes were fully opened to what was going on 'behind the scenes'. ITs as if Jehovah wanted me to see what was going on. then, out of the blue, my mom wrote me a letter. told me she missed me and needed some help around the house and such. I went over, and I seen my dad and when I seen my mom we hugged and cried. I told the witness people I thought were my friends that my parents and I have rekindled our relationship. They were upset and said to becareful because its probably satan trying to trap me. That made me upset, and at the same time, I had a friend I knew for years ( a non witness) and she was praying that my family and I would speak. She was very happy to hear what was going on. soon after that my husband and I left the meetings and since then the elders never came to see why we stopped going. loving, arent' they? the best thing is to always show you you love her and always give her memories to think on.
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truthseekeriam
I thought that it was a beautiful letter.
I really hope your daughter wakes up real soon and realizes the importance of having your real family in your life.
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restrangled
Flipper, that is a beautiful letter, one to be saved and treasured for years by a daughter.
I am sure you are aware it might not make a dent....now. I don't intend to me morose, but this life with JWs. Go ahead and send it, it's one of those that gets wrapped in a bow, pulled out, and read over and over.
You are a good Father.
r.
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Vinny
Sure, it's a lovely letter and all that.
But, there's an obvious elephant in the room here Mr. Flipper. In her letter to you, she discussed the subject of her JW faith all throughout it; and, just how much she wants you to come back to the faith that you raised her in.
To then completely ignor her most important points (for her), altogether, will absolutely not work here, in my opinion. I believe she will consider your ignoring her most important points in her letter as an insult. I know I would.
And you do not have to attack her JW faith at all either here to help her out.
Today, I tell people that I believe God transcends any one particular faith. That I see truly good people, God fearing people, among ALL faiths. That if the Jehovah's Witness were the only religion, that God approved of, then I'd certainly still be one today.
I would suggest telling her that you have found many specific reasons, which prove to you, why the JW religion does not have an exclusive monopoly on God today. (I personally would share some of those exact reasons in your reply, very respectfully, in a kind loving, non-attacking tone, because you may never get another chance).
I would also suggest saying to her that you respect the fact that she wants to continue be a Jehovah's Witness... (and as you know I raised you as one).
You can certainly mention a few things, in general, about why you are no longer a JW, IN ADDITION TO all the nice things you said in your draft here. You can say BOTH.
But to completely ignore the subject entirely, especially after she brought the subject up in her letter to you, is a big mistake from my point of view.
My step daughter is now 22. I raised her since she was only four. When I disassociated (in 2006) she was a regular pioneer, living with us at home. My wife and I encouraged her to do that. I lived the JW life to the full. I was a respected elder, school overseer, gave talks all over and more for her entire life.
So when I disassociated, and my wife followed (faded) three months later, after her own examinations, our pioneer little girl was devastated. Her entire life ripped apart. And now living with a dreaded, labeled apostate traitor.
I told her right from the start that I would completely respect her decision to remain a Witness. That my decision to leave was for my own reasons. Same with her mother. And for one full year we did just that. We let her continue to be a JW and live with us. Not an easy thing to do on our part, I can tell you that. Her friends would stop over and shun me. The elders would invite her to move out and live with them. So I had to bite my lip for some time. But it was the right thing to do. After all, we raised her as a JW as well. And every single friend she ever had were JW's.
Almost a year later or so, while still living with us, though no longer pioneering, I sent her a very long e-mail letter explaining the reasons why I no longer believed the JW faith were God's chosen religion.
I never pushed it hard, but just shared my specific reasons for leaving, offering details that prove God, to me, was not with the WT leaders, along with staying a reasonable human being even though being unfairly treated... --which she saw first hand with her own eyes--... (just like your mistreatment, your daughter is seeing with her own eyes, I am sure).
Within a month or two she started missing meetings and then field service. Within six months she was completely OUT.
I can tell you from first hand experience that these issues must be addressed at some point and time Mr Flipper. And since your daughter already brought up just how much she wants you to return to the faith; IMO, you should share with her (as kindly and respectfully as you can), just why it is that you cannot.
Just my opinion here, from experience. I would not avoid the issues entirely. I think she deserves a very long, heartfelt letter with all kinds of facts and details along with stating your love and affection for her.
I certainly wish you the best of luck on helping her to see the light!
Vinny
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flipper
Wow ! Thanks for all the nice comments ! I appreciate all your takes. Yes- I did have tears when writing this letter yesterday- and yes I did mail it out today. So, we shall see if I can start building rapport and trust with her again - that's my goal for now to reach her authentic personality .
MEGS- Thanks, I don't want to preach to her - just be a dad to her.
OTWO- I agree with you. I purposely avoided saying anything that would kick in her " triggers " and make her JW defenses come up and put a wall between us in communication. Hassan mentions that first rapport and respect have to be built - then down the road subjects can be discussed once the trust is there.
JAMIE BOWERS- True,asking her what she will be doing 10 to 20 years from now may kick in the " new system " thoughts in her mind - but it also may make her wonder at least subconsciously " what will I do if it DOES'NT COME in 10 to 20 years ? So in the back of her mind that thought will linger - even if she doesn't say it out loud. Steve Hassan mentioned to do it this way - so I'll try it.
JIMMY PAGE- I agree we can't give up ! Thanks, glad you liked it !
BABA YAGA- Thanks, I appreciate it.
COGNAC - So if you were my daughter you would have liked it too ? Good - I was hoping it would cause a good reaction.
HUBERT- I mailed it bro. Thanks !
ST. ANN- Thanks. Glad you like it.
OUTLAW- So I got it right ? Good.
BARBIE DOLL & PEC- Thanks. I mailed it.
VERY STUPID 77 - Glad you were touched by it. I was too- crying after I wrote it.
SCOTT 77 - Yes , I have always told my daughter I am here for her no matter what. I don't know about the fake Bible study scenario - I'm just into reality. I'm trying to appeal to her non-cult personality . The authentic person.
OHIO NANA- Thanks. I too hope it starts waking her up in time to reality. I'm glad you have a relationship with your daughter.
POPPERS- Glad it touched you. Thanks.
EX-NJ-JW- Very true. It really is all about family, memories, and unconditional love.
HOMESCHOOL- Thanks, yes unconditional love is important !
BABYGIRL 75- I feel too that I was careful not to sound threatening to her. Just appealing to her as family.
SNOWBIRD- Thanks Sylvia. Yes indeed faith, hope, and love are primary ! Just want to be her dad again !
HAPPYEXJW- My wife and I would be glad to adopt you ! No problem. I'm glad it touched you.
TREBOR- Thanks. I think Steve Hassan mentioned scenarios reaching out to parents as well if you are an adult child who had parents in a cult. I'll have to check.
KEESHONDGIRL- What a touching story about re-connecting with your parents ! I bet you are thrilled to be back in their lives ! Good luck to you !
TRUTHSEEKERIAM- Thanks. I hope my daughter wakes up soon also to who her REAL family is.
RESTRANGLED- hanks. I know it won't make her change immediately- but these things take time to build. I'm just taking it one step at a time to rebuild the relationship and trust first - then other things may follow later.
VINNY- I appreciate what you are saying. Yes- I realize there is a huge elephant in the room. But when I last saw my daughter and talked to her a year and three months ago - I barely started saying ANYTHING about the witnesses and she came unglued and started preaching at me about how sinful we all are and " how we don't deserve to live " and she had this real intense, serious look on her face like she was not only trying to convince me- but convince herself ! It's the fear that the JW's put into them that makes them get emotional about their beliefs !
Now- I appreciate your techniques of addressing the differences in beliefs may have worked with YOUR daughter- but I don't believe it would work with my daughter. She is too " cult mind controlled" and will rise to the defense of the organization in a heartbeat if she thinks I'm attacking it. Even in the most subtle way ! I don't think I can address both witness issues and at the same time keep it real and authentic trying to develop trust and respect as a father/daughter relationship.
Look- Here's the deal. Steve Hassan says that if you as a parent have been separated from your son or daughter because of them being in a mind control cult- the first , PRIMARY thing you have to do first is develop rapport, trust, and respect in building up the authentic relationship first to lay a groundwork so that IN TIME you can address the witness beliefs later . It does no good to force a conversation about the witnesses beliefs with them if a close emotional bond hasn't been developed first in recent months or years. In fact, in my opinion it could set me back another year and a few months if I get into more " witness discussions " with her. Perhaps her emotional and cult makeup is different from what your daughters was - but this is far too important of an issue for me to take a chance at pissing her off - and then I'll lose what little ground I am step by step building up with her. So I'm sure you understand me when I say - I don't argue with huge numbers of success. Steve Hassan's methods have helped hundreds of families get their adult children out of cults. He is a cult exit counselor - so I think I will hang in there with his methods. Thanks for your input
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OUTLAW
Flipper..Ya Bud,you did well..Very well.....This may provide the stepping stone you`ve been looking for.................OUTLAW