Sending Out a Letter to My JW Daughter - Give Me Your Thoughts Please

by flipper 82 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Odrade

  Vinny, to my surprise I pretty much agree with everything you said on this entire thread. Not that it matters much, because I don't think too much of Flipper's judgment (haven't since the "erynw" incident at least, maybe longer,) and I'm pretty sure he couldn't care less about my opinion.

  Nevertheless, it seems utterly ridiculous to be posting readily identifiable personal information on this board, where all you have to do to see it is have a login, and then claim that you won't talk straight because you're "protecting a fade." Whatever.

  Flipper, my dad, a JW, has left me messages and written notes that are exactly like your response. Personally, I think those messages and notes are bullshit. I know what he's trying to do, he's trying to appeal to my emotions and my love for him in order to dodge the real issue. He must think that if he can "remind me" of what things "used to be like" between us, I'll forget reason, logic, decisions and everything else, and just make him happy. News flash, I'm smarter than that, and his transparent ploy is disrespectful. I forgive him, because he's my father and I love him. But it's just one more way to dodge anything genuine. His complete avoidance has made a genuine relationship all but impossible.

  But hey, he can still talk to me... it's GREAT that I can still have conversations with him once a month that go: "sure has rained a lot!" and "how's your hayfever?" Oh boy, bully for me!

  So... in the greater scheme of things, when your "apostate" activities come to light, by means of YOUR OWN POSTINGS HERE, how are you going to feel when your fade is blown and you still haven't had one single meaningful conversation with your daughter, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS CLEARLY ASKING? Wouldn't you rather get busted for being real, honest, and giving her a chance to know what you know, rather than because you had beers at a pub with strangers from the internet?

  Whatever. "protect your fade." It's all good. Who needs a real relationship anyways?
• 

  freddo

  Flipper's good and so's Vinny.

  I'm like Flipper in that I am waiting to "choose my moment" when family conditions are at their best (in my case death of my ageing jw father and possible moving away from the area - my three to five year plan!) (Present plan is building up non jw friendships). My wife knows pretty much how I feel, though I don't ram it down her throat and she has enough to "shop me" if she wanted to which she has shown by her actions she doesn't.

  I think the problem is that if you've not been caught out for some years on an ex-jw board then you feel "safe" and it isn't until someone who knows you chances upon your photos that you get "blown out of the water". I wouldn't post any for the reasons Vinny highlights but can understand the urge to say/show something by way of asserting your natural self which is repressed out of fear, cowardice or pragmatic reasons or a mixture of all three.

  The chances of discovery are remote - but real if someone is "hunting you down". If someone sees them who is fading and wanting out themselves then it is unlikely they will blow your cover because they need to explain how they found the pictures anyway.

  I love Flipper's posts and Vinny's too. When the time is right (for selfish me) I want a heart to heart with my family and while I hope to remain un- d/f'd then it will be verbally on a one to one basis. Perhaps Flipper could meet his daughter alone at some point? If the DF comes then it will be letters to all and sundry!
• 

  Vinny

  Odrade writes:

  "So... in the greater scheme of things, when your "apostate" activities come to light, by means of YOUR OWN POSTINGS HERE, how are you going to feel when your fade is blown and you still haven't had one single meaningful conversation with your daughter, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS CLEARLY ASKING? Wouldn't you rather get busted for being real, honest, and giving her a chance to know what you know, rather than because you had beers at a pub with strangers from the internet?

  Whatever. "protect your fade." It's all good. Who needs a real relationship anyways?"

  **** Exactly!!!

  To avoid everything Flipper's daughter wrote in those letters to Flipper and his wife is like a slap in the face, in my opinion. I know that's how I would take it.

  Why not at least acknowledge what she wrote, Flipper?

  Or maybe tell her that you don't feel like you have freedom of speech to discuss JW issues without further consequences against you.

  But to completely IGNORE what she brought up in her letters, entirely, and talk about what YOU WANT, IMO, is a poor decision Flipper, and could very easily be viewed by your daughter as a flippant, insulting kind of response.

  And your stated REASON for this direction is because you don't want to blow your fade away status.

  Yet, to then see all those photos of you and the wife posted on a thread with the very name of the location you met at, in California, shows a complete lack of concern for the very reasons you say you did not reply to your daughter's letter; blowing your cover.

  I hope you can see why others have some serious doubts about it all.

  And when you ask for opinions like this on a public forum you will get what you asked for.

  I still wish you and your family nothing but the best and hope it all works out!

  Have a good one.

  Vinny
• 

  crapola

  Flipper, Did you know that your daughter posted on this forum? Not passing judgement at all here, just curious is all.
• 

  JimmyPage

  Flipper, I've never thought you came across as someone who has all the answers. I think, like the rest of us, you're just doing the best you can in a tough situation applying the teachings of a man who has great experience in dealing with cults, that is, Steve Hassan. Believe me, when I posted personal information on my life here, I got all kinds of advice. Most people were empathetic. But some people were just flat out of line.
• 

  flipper

  CRAPOLA - My JW daughter has NEVER posted on this forum. Vinny is a disgruntled Flipper basher because I didn't follow his " advice " to discuss my reasons with my daughter in a letter to her I wrote for leaving the JW's in a doctrinal informational way. So he's using this thread to flame me. I preferred to use Steve Hassan's methods of just talking in an authentic way to my daughter without discussing the witnesses - and Vinny doesn't like that- so he's wearing his ex-elder witness hat and flaming me. That's what this is about. Thought I'd clear that up.

  JIMMY PAGE- I hear you, thanks. I will continue to use Steve Hassan's methods inspite of what ANYBODY says. His methods have been shown to work on getting cult family members to think. And no, I don't have all the answers , I'm just trying like everybody else here
• 

  Vinny

  You are full of bologna again Flipper.

  I accepted your reasons for not replying to your daughter's letter once you stated you were trying to protect your fade. Should I requote myself for your conveniently selective bad memory?

  Aww, why not.

  From Page three I wrote:

  "Flipper, I did not realize your parents are still JW's and that maintaining a definite JW fade is vital to keeping that relationship intact. It would have helped if you'd have somewhere mentioned that here. Because when asking for advice and suggestions it sure would have made a difference."

  **** Memory all better now?

  But then that very reason you gave was all a SHAM because we then see you posting up all sorts of photos of you and Mrs Flipper (with name of town in the title of all things) HERE:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/meetups/161620/1/South-Lake-Tahoe-Apostafest-Pictures

  Like I've already stated on this thread, I bet Steve Hassan would have different advice for you on how to handle your daughter IF HE KNEW THAT SHE WROTE YOU A LETTER ADDRESSING NOTHING BUT THE JW RELIGION.

  Yet you keep forgetting that part of what I wrote.

  I'm not falming you at all Flipper.

  I'm just exposing your inconsistent, contradictory statements with your what your actual actions have been.

  And you don't like it.

  Too bad for you! Go cry somewhere else.

  Vinny
• 

  crapola

  Sorry Flipper, mix up. I read Odrade's post and I thought she was referring to you as Dad.. Sorry for the mistake.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Alright, alright. Both of you go to your corners for an Eight-count.

  There is a slight chance that Flipper will get caught because of photos, but someone has to be gunning for him and willing to admit they got their information from the member section of the forum. Sure, that can happen. If some want to say "I wouldn't do that in his situation," fine. Otherwise, his statements are easy to understand.

  He cannot put in writing, something that will almost definitely wind up in his exwife's hands and get him in a JC.

  He is also not interested in turning his daughter away from contact, but wants to use the Hassan methods of reaching her.

  Not a reason for a bunch of arguments. To each his own. I can disagree with people's decisions/beliefs yet still support them and offer advice.

  Power to ya, flipper.
• 

  flipper

  CRAPOLA- No problem. Peace.

  OTWO- Thanks for the support