so i have really decided to lay off religion with my hardcore jw wife... (page 3)

designs

Hey oompa,

A lot of us have been where you are, at the crossroads, addicted, in pain and wanting a new life.

It will turn out ok, give yourself time and permission to start a new life. The old cravings will subside.

I was introduced to man size drinking when I was 15 by the Presiding Overseer and the Assistant Overseer. I spent 37 years as an addict from that starting point. I have been clean and sober 9 years. I work in counseling now and help many Witnesses and xjws through their addictions and emotional messes. A new life is possible, new interests, new goals, new friends. 12 steps are good, they will give you clarity and purpose.

Keep in touch

designs

Brocephus

Keep pushing OOMPS life is about pushing on and not giving up. You'll find a new path and those in your life now will have a choice to follow or not. But you have to focus on your path and not those traveling with you. Life is tricky like that. Being 4th generation dub, understand it will take a lot of work to find out what your life is for purpose and meaning. And there is one Oomps, there is a reason you were put here. Keep pushing yourself bro and you'll have less and less time to worry about your wife or the drinks. Both of those situations will work themselves out, trust me.

kitten whiskers

All the best Oompa! I know how many here love and care for you!

I wish I could inflict you with my problem! I cannot drink anything! A sip makes my body hurt! Nyquill cold medicine is even off limits! Immediate pain.

This is going to be so good for you personally. Healthwise, both bodily and mentally. And if you save all that money you would spend on alcohol...you could book a cruise with your wife and find even more benefits!

I can only imagine how much effort this road will take for you to travel. I imagine is it like me giving up yelling and a short temper! It feels impossible to do, so deeply ingrained and "inherited", but I hate it and want to rip it out! One minute at a time...just conquer one minute at a time!

I think of Cary Grant, and how suave he was. He said something to the effect of, "you put on a pretense/persona until you become so comfortable with it, it becomes you." I liken it to him having to practice how he held his hat, tipped his head, smiled...very conscious of every action until it became a part of him and he was able to relax and it came naturally. Habit I guess. Just make it your habit...one minute at a time.

I'm proud of you for cleaning out the house! Keep your mind busy. Remember when we were told when having impure thoughts, to try to name the seven congregations that Revelation was sent to? I think the basic idea of preoccupying your mind when it is racing might help. Not sure, but it's worth a shot. I think it would have to be something difficult that would really take full concentration, maybe some algebra problems! You have support here. You can bank on it! Much love and all the best to you dear Oompa!

sammielee24

Having lived with an alcoholic, I've seen the devastating effects it has on everyone around them...even if they aren't aware or don't admit it to themselves. My ex was given vitamin B during his one time attempt at recovery - apparently the doctors say that it balances out the hormone levels in alkies because alcohol kills off so much more of your nutrients than you take in and that has a really bad effect on mood, addiction etc. Then he was given some drugs for anxiety and some other drugs that would make him sick if he drank - it all worked IF he took it and changed his behavior..however, he wouldn't address the problems and underlying issues he had, so he went right back on. He lost everything in the end and without intensive rehab, therapy if needed and a good 'dry' buddy system, I don't think it's possible to stay off the stuff if you are hardcore. I think for addictive personalities it's very hard to shake any form of abuse, it takes constant care and it's hard.

A friend of mine admitted himself into rehab to get completely clean and when he got out, he and his wife moved away from all the bad influences in an attempt to restart. It worked for him but it's a personal choice with varying results. Another friend, a woman, was a hardcore alkie for many years, all the while married to a successful lawyer and raising a bunch of kids. She was privileged in that she was able to travel all over the world on vacations and lived a rather elaborate lifestyle - until her marriage ended. When we talked of those days and I wanted her to regale me with tales of her travels, she would become pensive and sad as she admitted that she remembered very little of any of her wonderful trips. What a waste. Ultimately she ended up in AA and it worked for her - but the relationship with her kids and her husband had deteriorated to the point of little return. Interesting enough, she blamed her husband at first for having a fling with his secretary as the reason the marriage broke down - later on she admitted that her drinking started first and that was the beginning of all else. A great woman, remarried finally at 70 and dead for a few nows, but she was an example of what can be.

I hope you find you way and I'm sure you will - sammieswife.

OnTheWayOut

You are welcome for any help I have given you. Sorry, I am at a different stage of alcoholism where I don't totally relate to how you might best kick that habit. The WTS actually put the fear in me to keep me sober most of my 2 decades in the religion. It sounds like JK666 might be closer to relating to your situation with booze and you really should stay in contact with him.

But we have some similarities in the married-to-a-JW situation. Glad to help. I will never entirely say absolutely nothing to my wife to encourage her independent thinking and I will always show my unconditional love to her. But if she cannot handle the anti-JW stuff, then I don't say it directly. To vent that pressure and to still say things to the wife, I say things that indirectly relate to the JW's.

For instance, someone in the news was conned- the wife comments on it. I remind her that we should never automatically believe those in positions of authority or something we read. We should always always always do our own verifying. And don't let anyone tell us not to get all the education we can.

Typically, she doesn't know these statements are related to WTS stuff, but she's starting to see that.

I am here for ya, bud. Just PM or call.

Jerry

JWdaughter

Don't talk about religion. Just love your wife, love your SELF and stop being miserable, drunk and morose-because you are now EVERY reason to never leave the org. You are fulfilling every fear of what happens to a JW who leaves 'the truth'. Be the shining light at the end of the tunnel, not just a dark endless wormhole.

Get yourself some real help. Your wife is faithful and loyal to you and probably scared as hell that if she leaves the org. that she will go down into the dark night with you. Show her something better.

OUTLAW

Good Morning Oompa..So you got all the booze out of the house..Good.......Your under a lot of stress..Your not somebody who can have a few drinks and leave it at that........Don`t bring any more liquor into your home..Tell people not to bring liquor over to your home..Don`t drink if you eat out...........................Take a look at all the advise here bud..You have a lot of friends...................................OUTLAW

Scarred for life

Puplesofa:

I love the Craig Ferguson video. It's great. And very true. I totally relate to what he says.

jamiebowers

Oompa, I wsih you the best. You know what you have to do.

oompa

I feel this has been the most supportive thread i have ever seen on jwd. THANK YOU ALL!!!......purps, i went with gingerale for the sugar....whenevr i have quit....i always want icecream every night......i heard that was to replace the sugar in the former booze.......

i spoke with newlite...robert7's wife today......she mentioned the money angle too and asked me what i spent on booze everyday.....whith booze it is 5 to 7 bucks....but if wine it more like $20 and i don't (oops make that didn't) drink very expensive wine......so newlite says to get a jar and put whatever i would have spent on booze each day into the jar!!!......you can really see your progress and i bet i average 9-11 bucks a day......i had never really thought about it, but damm that is a lot of money in 100 days......

i have always paid close attention to the posts about drinking.......recently a guy from england had a wonderful post about his one year of sobriety and how much better his entire life is.....i want that...........oomps XXXOOO

so i have really decided to lay off religion with my hardcore jw wife...

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