I can't take this pain anymore...my life at dead end

by JustHuman14 71 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  yknot

  Welcome Monkey.....

  I see your point.

  I think it was a bit brutal but essentially you are saying layoff until the time is ripe for such openess.

  Yes he probably handled things on a reactionary level at first which set some of this in motion too. However he is passed some of the reactionary points and has even joined another faith...... which is why we now find he and the wifey embroiled in a power struggle that occurs when the WTS decides to tell wives that their husbands are essentially not the head of household anymore spiritually. This is not what the Bible teaches.

  She has apparently lost respect for him personally and within the marriage arrangement.

  He will need to restore himself before she lets up too......and the only way to do that is to be active in the family and to show fruitage of the spirit that differs from what she expects. Yes he lost his wits, senses, self-control and way......but they can be restored.

  JustH...... really just be kind to her, make a point to talk to her each day about something pleasant (JW or not), give her compliments, tell her you love her, clean the kitchen, offer to take the kids to the park while she is out in FS! Set aside couple time too, perhaps going on a date. I still think the kiddos should attend with you one week and her the next..... being nice doesn't mean kow-towing to her though!
• 

  KAYTEE

  Just human,

  After reading that, having like all the others felt so sad towards the situation you find yourself in.

  HOW CAN THIS ORG. THINK FOR ONE MOMENT, THAT THEY ARE A CHRISTIAN ORGANISATION? THAT DISPLAYS THE QUALITIES OF CHRIST.

  It’s not that we won’t give advice, what may work for us may not work for you.

  I really feel for you.

  KT
• 

  JustHuman14

  Thanks all of you for your upbuilding comments. Flipper :)

  Tom Cabeen, Oompa, mouthy, all of you thank you. Really this forum worths a lot to me. For the new ones my old profile was justhuman and you can find a brief history of me there, I'm in this forum since 2001 and really worths every single minute posting here.

  monkeyman the 607 it was just an excuse to be disfellowship since I knew they will not answer me. So in the future when my children will start to understand I will explain them the reasons I left and why did WT didn't answer. In fact I TOTALY DISAGREE with WT's doctrines. I found refuge in the Orthodox Apostolic Church and I'm Christian now, discovering the real meaning of Jesus in my life.

  Unfortunately my 'wife' she will never, or she doesn't want to understand me. For her I'm just an arogant who left "God's" organization. Many times she said that the only reason we are together is the kids, when they grow we will not live together since we have nothing in common. We have one year that we are together but nothing changes. I do not wish to take hard actions towards her, since by doing that it only hurt my children. JW's think that they "own"everything and she is acting according to the instructions of the Org and elders. I'm not allowed to bring any books(usually the life of an Orthodox Saint) of mine at home, I'm not allowed to wear my cross. One day I forgotten to remove my Cross and she became furious. On my behalf as I said I don't talk to her or attack her. In fact I go to their "meeting" and every year I attend to their "memorial". I don't hate JW's, I feel sorry of them because they are misguided. But what I hate is the leadership of this cult and the way they tread us.

  I have tried to help her. She knew for 6 years I did not believe in the WT, but she turned me in for apostasy when she found that I was posting in an ex-jw's forum. If I take a hard stand, knowing her it would only make things worsed. She will never back up. So after the comments of my friends here, helped me to have a clear opinion to leave home once again. I will go and stay alone, invite the friends I want, start playing my guitar again, traveling and doing things that please me. By staying there it will not do any good, either for me or my children. I do spend time with them and I'm trying to give them the correct attitude of life, but most of all to show them Jesus. So by staying there it will not help at all since the brainwashed 'wife' will do anything to follow WT's commandments.

  I have a life to live. I'm 41 not young but either not old enough. I did my best to keep my family together, but I will not accept to be treated by the WT like Mr Nobody.
• 

  oompa

  You have done that before, and i hope it is better this time, and it was obvious from your post that your inner self was screaming to be free. Your kids WILL get through this, but i am worried about how much influence your wife will have indoctrinating them as dubs. your last comment that your wife is only living with you for the kids is a great way for you to move on with peace of mind. you would waste some of the best years of your life...the forties...with this horrid controlling woman (you should be able to read whatever you want at home friend)....by leaving you will do the things you mentioned which are great...but you do not have to always be alone...if you like companionship, you will soon be in a good position to find someone deserving of you.......take care.........oomps

  btw....i think you are on the track to reverse your subject....you are about to at least ease the pain and remove much of it....and your life is just beginning
• 

  joelingeorgia

  i vote for going to a therapist and doctor and definitely for starting a new life. you only live once.
• 

  chrisjoel

  Sounds like the last 3 yrs of my marriage. I could never get my ex to understand or listen to the opposite viewpoint. ....maybe leaving her a copy of Crisis Of Conscience somewhere she can read privately....who knows. I ended up moving out and getting access to my child in court. ( JOINT custody!!!!)
• 

  monkeyman
• 

  vanissa

  This is one scripture JWs seem to ignore when it comes to wives with "unbelieving" husbands:

  1PE 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.

  My mother became a JW, and then tried forcing my father to become one. He refused. And, they soon divorced. They had four very young children at the time (including myself) who suffered because of it.

  JWs use this scripture to justify the breaking up of families:

  MAT 10:34-36 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn "'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law-- 36 a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'

  They seem to ignore the following scriptures:

  MAR 10:11-12 He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
  
  ROM 7:3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is
  released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.

  And, that in causing one spouse to leave another "unbelieving" spouse they are encouraging them to commit adultery.

  People who desire to live a Christian life according to Jesus' teachings live according to scripture NOT according to religious doctrine that is changed to suit the religion's new "light". The truth is truth - it does not change.l
• 

  Heaven

  i vote for going to a therapist and doctor and definitely for starting a new life. you only live once.

  I'm with joelingeorgia. Figure out what you want in life. Present it to your wife. You need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart. You may need to do this with a facilitator/marriage counselor. If she is not supportive of it, then you need to design your life without her. She is not exhibiting True North Principles, which I find a lot of JWs don't, and this will only negatively impact your children as well as you. Parental actions are noticed by children. The children may emulate the behaviours and if they are not True North, then they will start to have issues as well.

  Nothing positive can result in staying in any abusive relationship, including religious and marital.
• 

  Borgia

  Quote:

  I will go and stay alone, invite the friends I want, start playing my guitar again, traveling and doing things that please me. By staying there it will not do any good, either for me or my children. I do spend time with them and I'm trying to give them the correct attitude of life, but most of all to show them Jesus. So by staying there it will not help at all since the brainwashed 'wife' will do anything to follow WT's commandments.

  Quote

  Justhuman,

  I think you are on the right track here. Life with a JW spouse is not easy. A hell when the JW party line is being towed. (((Justhuman)))

  Cheers

  Borgia