JW Marraiges

sweetone2377

How many here were married as JW's to JW's?? If so, what was your main purpose in getting married to this person?

I ask this because, I married my dh so that I could get to know him. WE were not allowed to "date", even in groups. Although, at the time I understood this as he was not yet baptized. But I have noticed a trend of some kind in my former congregation as regards marraiges. An old "freind" of mine just recently eloped with another JW. Both baptized, in good standing. They also were not to "date" even in groups. The girl's sister did the same thing. She married a brother, both baptized and in good standing, they were not allowed to "date" or to be together even in group activities. They also eloped, as they also were denied a ceremony in the Kingdom Hall.

How many of you have seen this happen?? Seen young persons within the congregation jump into marraige simply to get to know the other person involved??

It's too bad that the WTS refuses to see beyond it's own "nose" to realize just how much pain this arrangement is causing to so many of it's members.

Shelly
Former victim and recovering wonderfully from a broken spirit
Smile, because we all have been freed from slavery!!

Room 215

Hi Sweetone,

I don't know of any that I can say got married for the sake of knowing each other better, but I do know that far too many young -- in some cases, very young -- JWs tie the knot simply to calm their raging hormones. Also, many JW adolescents often conclude that the only way to deflect the intense social pressure to pionner or go to Bethel, etc. is to get married. Also, I was in Bethel, and not infrequently the young, often homesick guys, often would marry the first girl who said ``yes'' just to get out.
In all of these cases, the tragedy is that the girl is often objectified, and marriages are entered into for reasons other than real love, compatibility, or companionship. That's why marital problems among JWs are far more prevalent than is generally acknowledged. Any elder of long standing knows this.

DIM

My wife and I got married young and we will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary in March. We dated for almost 3 years (despite many many people telling us that this was a bad thing). I think we know each other very well and it always amazes me that we are considered the exception, not the rule when we go to gatherings. Most couples our age can't wait to get away from their mate and hang out w/ their friends. My wife and I always do everything TOGETHER, holding hands, talking.

i'm sick and tired of hearing things from uptight-short-sighted-narrow minded hypocritics. all i want is the truth just gimme some truth - John Lennon

DB

The no sex before marriage teaching (common to many religions but seldom enforced judicially as it is with jws) seems to propel many young dubs into early marriages, as has already been noted by room215.
And yes, there is that pioneer/bethel pressure too. I know of many jws who were married young in the 1970s and have been divorced for many years.

ballistic

Here in the UK, most JW marriages take place in a "registry office" as opposed to a kingdom hall. The reason? Couples are now asked a series of intimate and detailed questions about their conduct throughout the relationship, down to whether the brother has touched her breasts, etc.
I was disfellowshipped 2 years after marriage for pre-marital mis-conduct. I subsequently had two witnesses tell me that they had engaged in certain activity prior to being married and were still good standing JWs (unlike me - thrown out).
This prompted one of them to go to the elders (in a seperate congragation to mine) and the elder told her not to worry and "this happens to everyone".

Xena

We knew each other 9 months before we got married...I think sex probably played a big part in not waiting longer. I don't have any regrets myself but I was fortunate enough to have snagged a great guy...still wondering how that happened...

I do think a lot of JW marriages are made because of the fear of commiting immorality or because immorality was already committed. And then of course once they are married it is for life regardless of how incompatable they may find themselves when they wake up the morning after....

sweetone2377

I was disfellowshipped 2 years after marriage for pre-marital mis-conduct. I subsequently had two witnesses tell me that they had engaged in certain activity prior to being married and were still good standing JWs

Ballistic, I am so sorry. The WTS is full of double standards and do just whatever suits them at the moment.

I had never really thought much about the number of people in my Hall getting married. Out of 6 couples, all in good standing, only 2 couples were allowed to be married inside the Kingdom Hall. The rest of us just up and took off to the court house. In the 2 cases where the marraiges were performed in the Hall, one was an elder's brother and the brother in the other couple had been somewhat "adopted" by another elder in the cong.

I am sure that raging hormones and the fear of committing fornication is the biggest reason for young people to get married so quickly in the borg. How sad, that they feel they need to rush into such a lifelong commitment to satsify some stuckfast rule in an organization ran by power hungry idiots.

Shelly
Former victim and recovering wonderfully from a broken spirit
Smile, because we all have been freed from slavery!!

Room 215

Hi again,

And an even sadder element to this phenomenon is that, besides getting married to hastily, too young, or both, they conceive children hurriedly. This, of course, is a quick ticket out of Bethel, full-time service, etc. that passes muster as a expedient excuse but which can result in lives of regret for all involved -- the children, the parents, the in-laws, the grandparents, the close blood relatives, etc., etc.

Is is any wonder then, that, along with divorce and separation, dysfunctional families are also much more common among JWs than is commonly acknowledged?

NameWithheld

Yep, I married young, for many of the same reasons. We have been very lucky that we have grown more and more together over the years. It is so easy to get 'unlucky' in this since people change so much from the time they're 18 or so. So many JW kids never realize what 'reality' is until they're living it - with a wife (and many times children) to support.

I have to agree that the motivations are usually hormones, being forced into it (dating is a NO NO unless you are contemplating marriage - so often parents/etc push you towards it). Also the thoughts of marraige being an 'excuse' not to pioneer/bethel/etc might be more prevelant than we think. Most JW kids just want what they percieve to be 'a normal life'. Marriage is the easiest way.

One hall we went to had like 8 or 9 marraiges over one summer - ALL of the teenagers/low-20s got married in a marriage free for all Almost like when one did it the rest paniked thinking all the 'good' members of the opposite sex would be 'taken' soon.

paulvarjak

I married young for the same reasons. Young horny Society man weds horny pioneer of 7 years. Too bad she was completely one dimensional. I mean, she would put in 1300-1400 hours a year even though the requirement was only 1000. It was her only hobby, her only focus, her entire life.

When I validated my WT doubts, I realized we had nothing in common. She went to meetings, I did not; she was a pioneer, I was the antichrist. Didn't take long for the whole thing to fall apart.

JW Marraiges

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