Interesting topic. I married when I was twenty-one. And spent almost seventeen years in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage. Wasted all the time trying to make a doomed marriage work. I married for many of the reasons mentioned above.
I have notice that a trend among the younger JW's now is to experiment sexually and not tell. But even that doesn't seem to help. Many are divorced within the first year or two.
And even the marriages among JW's that make it seem to be loveless. Happily married comitted marriages seem to be very few.
Men and women alike seemed to come out of the woodwork with horror stories about their marriages when my ex left me. I believe that was a catalyst in making my exodus from the JW's.
Thinker and I have a wonderful marriage, so much in common, which never ceases to amaze me considering the diversity in our upbringing.
I am so sorry so many here are experiencing fallout from this history.
I wish the best for all in finding true happiness and fulfillment in their lives as they move on.
Hugs and wishes for good to all.
TW
JW Marraiges
by sweetone2377 26 Replies latest jw friends
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thinkers wife
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thinkers wife
YoYoMama,
I don't usually do this, but your post is an epitome of why I left the religion.
John 13:35 Do you have the identifing mark of a true Christian? I think not.
TW -
worldly girl
I thought I was the only one with a story like yours..........I married at 18 and I moved out of my families home to be with this guy. We'd already be "made" to break up b/c my sister saw hickies on his neck the night after he spent the night in our basement. The funny thing is we got back together and "vowed to make it work"....well, long story short; he snuck up to see me one weekend when they were out of town and some of our "CONCERNED brothers and sisters" noticed his truck at my house....so of course that spread like wildfire and got back to my sister. He had gotten sick while "hanging out" (goin to the mall, eating dinner.....not a filty dirty sex weekend...just normal teenager stuff)and he ended up spending the night....after trying to cover my a$$, the brother that I ask to be our "chaperone" ended up staying too....well the next thing you know MY OWN SISTER called the elders in congregation to tell them that she didn't think it to be proper that we get married in the hall for our "immoral behavior"....ok so like a PG movie....ohhhh kill me already. Anyhow the catch is that his father...(the closest man to Jesus... as my EX mother in law put it)made sure that his precious name and his son's precious name was spared by making sure we got married in the KH and he did the talk...Oh but the story has another catch or two....we didn't have sex that weekend....but we did have sex in his parents home the night he gave me my engagement ring!!!HA HA....well fast forward about 2 years, we had a horrible argument and he pushed me around....then this began to happen often, then the day of one of the conventions we got into it bad, and he decided not to go....convieniently enough he began again to push, slap, hit and choke me....then he left to go to daddy's house......I went to daddy's house to show him what he'd done to me and ask for help.........Brother Christian proceded to tell me that he wasn't goin to embarress his name in front of his neighbors and that I needed to leave.I said ok and told him the police would pick him up there. They did and he spent the night in jail.....then he got "probation" and had to do community service....guess what he did????? THE FIELD MINISTRY is what he did for his community service...and daddy had his friend verify the legal paperwork......That was all that ever happened to him in the congregation..............Needless to say we divorced less than a year later and in their eyes I am EVIL.....I am proud to say he is no longer my problem, but he did get another one and they were married exactly one year ago on my birthday....I think she may be 18 now!!!
I'm also proud to say I'm remarried to wonderful (NON JW)man, and we now have a beautiful 3 year old daughter who Santa Claus is coming to see!!!
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ashitaka
Sweets,
I was out of my mind in love with my wife. Still am. I guess it depends on the Dub. My old best friend, I KNOW why he's getting married......he wants to be an elder someday. He explained his theory a long time ago. I won't bore you with it now.
ashi
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ashitaka
YOYO,
on a side point meant for you, I know that you think we are animals; that's obvious. But, I've seen compassion in other threads from you, at least the semblance of it. Paul's wife ignored him, and when he felt hurt that she was spending more time with other people other than him, you scorned him.
The dubs say, first Jehovah, then family, the everyone else. How is family a priority if couples use "Jehovah" as an emotional battering ram when they ask for the cake, get it, ask for more, get it, and ask for more.
My mother in law is the perfect example of using God to get her way. She's a poineer, and when her tired husband asks for help, she's going on a bible study. Calls him unspiritual, although he totally supports her and is a ministerial servent. She makes her children do all of the work.
Do you see? Pioneering becomes a VACATION instead of a SACRIFICE, and yet people in good circumstances still call it a SACRIFICE, although they are getting out of work of far more importance than telling people about God. Like taking care of family.
ashi
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thinkers wife
Oh Ashi,
I am so glad you said that!!!! Shades of my ex husband. We both pioneered, but I did all the rest of the work. Pioneering and Bethel was a big vacation for him. Unfortunately I enabled him for a long time. When I stopped covering and taking care of him, that is when he left me. I am so sorry others have to experience this sorry excuse for being lazy!!
TW -
garybuss
Hi Shelly, All,
I married both times as a JW to a JW in a Kingdom Hall. I married for the same reasons that anyone in any religion marries. Some of those are the hope of: fulfillment, happiness, love, sex, children, acceptance, prosperity and an easier, more interesting life.
My first wife died from virtually untreated leukemia. I am still married 30 years later to my second wife. Both were lovely girls and I am proud they chose me to marry. I have 4 (now grown) sons and I received all of the things I had hoped to receive from the partnerships.
Marriage like life, because it is an element of life (for me), has inevitable ups and downs. To think a partnership will never have challenges and discouragements is magical thinking. Everyone gets to know their spouse after the marriage when the actor and actresses retire. Not being allowed to date must complicate that. I dated. . . really, I courted. It was fun. I'm glad I got to do it.
Divorce is not the failure of the marriage. Divorce is the proof of the failure of the partners and proof that the partners have publicly admitted defeat. I believe there is no *perfect* marriage just like I think there is no *perfect* divorce. Happiness is not a product of the marriage no more than happiness is a product of the divorce. Marriage and happiness are two separate, unrelated issues.
The marriage failure rate is much higher than the divorce rate. The two are different subjects. A marriage can be a success for one partner and a failure for the other partner and that marriage has failed even though there is no divorce.
Failure of marriage is not perpetual. Failure can be short and last a day or an hour. Neither can success be perpetual. It too is contingent and fragile. All divorces happen in spite of the successes, the good times. All marriages continue in spite of the failures, the bad times.
It is my perception of my observations that an unhappy married person was an unhappy single person and will be an unhappy divorced or remarried person.
The motive for the marriage is second to the attitudes and behaviors of the partners. When a couple invite children into the marriage, they too become partners in the marriage. This fact is often forgotten in the periscope viewed world of the religious and the right. Children have full partnership rights and an equal vote. An equal vote they are seldom given.
Marriage is like any other partnership. It has a beginning, a purpose, and an ending.The JW twist on marriage is flawed by nature. The JW marriage is a license for sex and authority to start a dictatorship. Often the dictator is malevolent. The insertion of the deity/organization between the partners is divisive by nature, contingent, and a block to intimacy. The children are trapped and either squeezed or spun out. Their rights are never recognized. They are not cherished and protected. They are ordered and marched and displayed and spanked and indoctrinated but they are not cherished and protected.
I wish I had had better teachers sooner. But today is not too late to be a caring partner and an appreciative father. Humans have a tendency to want to pair bond and reproduce. Religion has a tendency to get in the middle of that and insert all sorts of preposterous rules. When the enforcers of the rules come into the family homes to enforce their made up rules, a line has been crossed and a real problem is exposed . . . waiting for solution.
Happy holidays all, whatever that means to you . . .
gb