Allow me to try to explain what Bethel does to people. You are kept busy, busy, busy. You are presented with an isolated, cultish viewpoint , day after day. It wears some (most, actually) people down.
Eventually, the "Awake magazine" viewpoint of the outside world sets in. The world is very scary. It's all evil and wicked and frightening. You don't have much opportunity to think otherwise, especially in an organization that habitually discourages analytical thinking of any depth.
If you get caught in a Bethel layoff, you are nearly frightened enough to wet your pants. You go back to your room and cry. You may push a pillow into your face to muffle your emotions.
When I was there, I felt a quiet contempt for guys who stayed beyond their four years. To me ( or us) they seemed cowardly, emasculated. We left and faced our fate by getting jobs in the 'Satan-led' world. Those few who didn't weren't faithful, they were just pu$$ies.
The wild and crazy thing that no one understands about Bethel is that regardless of what the organization demands, they can't directly control your thoughts. In very, very, very private moments ( often aided by alcohol) you may get a brief honest view from some 'older brothers' that they know that much of what the Watchtower teaches is bull$hit. It would not surprize me in the least to know that some Catholic Cardinals may be private atheists. You just need to understand that people get 'stuck' in various situations and keep their mouths shut to survive. Jobs, health care, having a position, getting scared of change - this is why you get some guys who may be involved in scandalous private behavior for years! Like GB members that were gay. Like Jesus Cano ( Bethel elder who liked boys) or dozens of others!
metatron