Hello All,
This is my first post and I must say that I have been lurking here from time to time and have been impressed with the content. Back in college I visited the old H2O site many times and this is definitely superior. Thanks to all for the rich content I've been enjoying.
My great mother was a witness making me a fourth generation. I literally have hundreds of relatives that are witnesses on both sides of my family. I stopped going to meetings after a series of very troublng circumstances and was prompted to pursue a degree in sociology at age 32 to help me to better come to terms with conditions that being raised as a witness involves. My final consensus? The witness life is too hostile an environment to live. Oh, I have tons of horror stories....more than many might care to hear. But the bottom line is that I have watched many people be robbed of their families and grow up without the slightest clue of how true love acts. I have watched how that ignorance has exacted a heavy price from people. Although lonely for family connections, I now have many friends that I can count on to be there....and I for them.
I drifted away and finally told my parents that I was attending a non-denominational church one year ago. I am not invited to any family gatherings although I receive an occasional call from my parents from time to time. Both my brothers are elders and I havent heard from them since. One particular sister-in-law, whom I had great affection for wouldn't even touch me when saying goodbye. (No hugs for doubters) They came to visit and to find out if the rumor was true I told my Dad.
Mom was in tears when I told them and Dad still keeps trying to re-convert me from time to time. I've learned that extremism cannot be counted with logic, so I don't even try to reason. I do not allow the abuse anymore though. I don't want to hear it. Naturally he thinks he is loving me by continuing the thumping. I wish I could tell him how much I love him and know that he would understand it without filtering it through the complicated doctrinal matrix. Even when I was regular pioneering Dad would sit in a chair in the center of the room across from me, interrogation style, and read me scriptures for more than two hours. I could tell he really got off on it. He was probably the biggest reason I left. His favorite scripture is the one about the people in Armageddon being strewn across the surface of the earth like manure. He must have read that one dozens of times to me since I was a kid.
Even after all the education and a few years with water under the bridge, I still feel the monumental loss associated with this (yes, I'll say it) destructive cult. I've decided to list a few of the consequences from this upbringing that I've had to deal with. Both positive and negative.
First the Negative:
1. A profound perversion of the nature of God. The angry God who can never be satisfied.
2. A perverted sense of the nature of love.
3. Personal relationships viewed in terms of black and white rather than give and take.
4. A distrust and borderline rebellion attitude toward my national government. I viewed them as the enemy rather than an institution God has seen fit to allow and command us to support in lieu of his kingdom.
5. Mental domination and asbuse tolerated even though you know that something is terribly wrong.
6. I missed the love of my life because she wasn't baptised. She was a musical, mathimatical and poetic genius who loved to work with retarded kids. She played the cello with Yanni once. One time I watched her solve a math problem on a black board 2 feet by 3 feet in length while holding a mentalled challenged youngster on her hip who was throwing up...all this while she was telling me a joke. Did I forget to mention she was a 5'10" drop dead gorgeous knock-out too? The emotional stress of contemplating marrying a man in a religion that looked forward to the destruction of 99.9% of the world's population was too much and she broke. It was impossible for me to love her as a person with my WTBS blinders on. She is now happily married with three children. I am so proud of her. Leslie, if you are out there...I'll always love you.
Now the positive:
About the only thing I can think of is a good work ethic. All that rejection from door to door trained me to eat rejection and adversity for lunch so to speak. I have never had trouble starting and running a business. Money has never been a problem. This may sound offensive to some but I learned most of my marketing sense from the way the publications are written. Even as a youngster I could pick out the patterns in the writing style to capture the imagination, sound authoratative, and package an idea.
I have made many mistakes in my life and do not try to shift the entire burden to the WTBS. Ultimately I am responsible.
I am responsible for telling the man with a terminal disease at a door how wrong christmas was and watching him melt.
I am responsible for argueing with a perfectly nice christian lady at another door, searching in vain to find a substantial doctrinal difference to destroy her faith and that which she was trying hard to instill in her children.
I am responsible for supporting the illusion that some day we'll be living in those nice houses as spoils of war rather than working for them.
I am responsible for using religion as a cover and catalyst for the deep anger I have felt a large part of my life. I don't feel much anger anymore, thank God.
I am responsible for the hurt I have caused others in many other ways due to my ignorance in how true love works and acts. I deeply regret hurting others and pray for their well being.
Well, I didn't know that I had so much to write. I hope throwing my thoughts in will in some way help another person. If anyone has had a similar experience I'd be happy to read it.
Thanks ,
Perry