I have a conundrum....armchair psychologist needed!

by journey-on 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  journey-on

  You have to make a life changing choice. You approach the choice one way and your spouse advocates a different approach. The nature of the situation removes any possibility of a compromised arrangement. It's your way or his way period. The decision is permanent and there will be no going back, and time is of the essence.

  (I wish I could give details, but privacy matters prevent it. The details aren't really important anyway.) You have discussed everything calmly and rationally and weighed all the pros and cons and you still come to different conclusions.

  If I were still a JW, of course, the husband, being head of the household, would make the final decision regardless of its life-altering consequences. Suggestions?
• 

  SixofNine

  Choose the better way.

  One way or the other is better. List the pros and cons side-by-side. The two list won't be of equal length if both of you are being honest brokers.

  why resort to soft science when hard science will solve your problem?
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  journey-on

  Done that already 6'o9. His pros, my pros, his cons, my cons.....equal in length...equal in strength.
• 

  JeffT

  Before you make this decision, see a qualified marriage counselor. There are usually some that work on sliding scales based on income. You may also be able to find somebody at community health center or church that is free. Don't dismiss the church option out of hand, but do find a good one, many offer services by trained professionals, a few are just more nutcases.

  It may surprise you what can be worked out with a disinterested third party in on the conversation. It seems better than flipping a coin or something, which sounds like your option at the moment.
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  snowbird

  time is of the essence.

  Do it his way.

  Next time, you'll have a bargaining chip.

  Sylvia
• 

  SixofNine

  really hard to believe, but oh well.

  but again, no psychology needed, because obviously, as you present the argument, the only logical solution is to flip a coin. Since either solution has exactly the same amount of pros and cons, neither of you should really be attached to your own solution.
• 

  bluecanary

  Which result can you better live with? Having the matter come out your way and alienating (offending, hurting, risk losing, whatever the case may be) your husband or pleasing your husband while permanently living with a change you don't want. Do whichever you think you can live with in the long-run.
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  Quirky1

  Damn! I'm in the same freakin' boat..
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  journey-on

  JeffT: LOL. This is not a marriage problem. We usually compromise when there is a difference of opinion, but this time, the stakes are too high and a compromised arrangement is not possible.

  snowbird: There won't be a next time. If I go against my better judgment and do it his way, the deed is done forever!

  6'o9: Believe me. Flipping a coin may be the simple solution, but the problem is that some of his pros are my cons and visa versa. (Something tells me you aren't married :)
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  Mickey mouse

  If you do it his way, will you still be able to look yourself in the mirror? Don't do anything you won't be able to live with.