Jeff,
Long time lurker here. I too like you was a born-in, not too far from you in age. I just went back and read your story.
I can't say I know what it's like to be in your shoes -- you've been through more than I ever will, and I got out much earlier than you / didn't progress as far in-organization.
But as someone who has had a lifelong struggle with anxiety and depression, I can tell you this:
- I worry about the same things as you -- how to provide, how to work with pressures builidng, etc. It's tough, too, in the current financial and business climate, so it's not abnormal or unusual to have these feelings. I too have problems with connecting socially after leaving the Borg, and have struggled with loner tendencies. In spite of this, it's OK -- I know I'll meet people some day who like me for who I am and not for where I work, what organizations I belong to, etc. I was able to go to college after getting out and that helped me tremendously broaden my interests and feel a little more comfortable among "worldly" people, many of whom really aren't bad... By the way I met and married the most wonderful person after being out, just when I wasn't looking.
- Just the fact that your talking about it is good, and you already have many of the basic tools you need. You told others to seek help when you were an elder and you know to seek professional help if you find yourself slipping too far. It's obvious from the outpouring of support on this board that a lot of people here care about you too, and tap that resource if you need it.
- I've enjoyed your posts and your courage in telling your story. Each story helps untold number of people and maybe I'll one day have the courage to tell my story like you did.
- I can tell you from my experience that my thoughts tend to get out of control if I try to look at too big of a picture... I'm not saving enough / I'll never be able to retire / I don't make enough for x, to do y. I'm not making progress in my career, I'm an inadequate parent, I'm not "happy", people can tell I'm uncomfortable socially, etc. There are these and a hundred other negative thoughts every day.
Every time I start this thinking I have to constantly remind myself to take everything in stride, look at the smaller picture, trust that everything will work out, take time to appreciate what I have and remind myself that I am much better off than many others, etc. Medicine and therapy have also helped me a great deal.
Good luck! Please hang in there!
