Re: My Boyfriend's not a Witness...
But I heard oompa's was!
My Boyfriend's not a Witness...
by Hikaru 71 Replies latest social relationships
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Black Sheep
Acts 16: 25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, 26 and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were unfastened. 27 When the jailer woke and saw that the prison doors were open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself, supposing that the prisoners had escaped. 28 But Paul cried with a loud voice, “Do not harm yourself, for we are all here.” 29 And the jailer [6] called for lights and rushed in, and trembling with fear he fell down before Paul and Silas. 30 Then he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” 31 And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” 32 And they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. 33 And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their wounds; and he was baptized at once, he and all his family. 34 Then he brought them up into his house and set food before them. And he rejoiced along with his entire household that he had believed in God.
Hikaru,
This is in direct contradiction to the Watchtower's doctrine. If you believe that you can save your husband by being a Jehovah's Witness yourself, you had better keep quiet about it, because to insist on believing that will get you disfellowshipped for apostasy.
Also note that in this story, the jailer was converted and baptised in the same night, the same hour, even. That is not consistant with Watchtower doctrine either.
The Truth is that the Watchtower is run by a bunch of very naughty boys and they are not going to save you or anybody else.
Take care
Chris
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chronos27
This scenario has played out countless times. It sucks when your heart is involved as deeply as it is. Truth is, there is no easy, painless way out of this..most likely the opposite. Just speaking from experience.
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GoddessRachel
Hikaru! Please listen to Mrs. Jones!
I was supposed to get married at 19, and my fiance called off the wedding. I thought I would die too! Thankfully, I didn't, and I met the wonderful man I am in love with today. My ex-fiance got married recently, and I am truly happy for him. He and I were all wrong for each other, even though at 18 we thought we were perfect for each other! Getting married would have been a disaster!
And now I live with a man I met online, whom I love very much, and whom I had to meet in person before I could know how I really felt. The reality is much different than the online relationship, let me tell you. And all the stuff that Mrs. Jones talked about - how he smells, if he misses when he pees, if he chews with his mouth closed, etc. - all the stuff does matter in your day-to-day reality! Meet the guy before you go any further with this obsession, please!
I also believe you are going to find out the hard way that you cannot change another person, no matter how hard you try! Either accept him as he is or find someone else! It's that simple! You can't convert him! Even if he does it for you, it's not his natural course, and it will backfire later, whether he resents you for doing something he otherwise would not have done or something else.
I am sorry you are hurting. I would also recommend some physical exercise as a means to help you cope with the stress your mind is causing you (I know the feeling - I have a very overactive brain and it drives me nuts sometimes). Dance to your favorite music, go for a really long walk, do some yoga poses. It helps, I promise.
I hope you will let us know how you to decide to handle this. The people on this board do care.
Rachel
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GoddessRachel
My boyfriend is not a witness. He understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses. But I guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...Stalling doesn't work anymore. The more time I stall, the closer it gets with neither of us being saved....
You want to be with him, but you can't because he is not a Witness.
You haven't found a gray area, and you don't feel like there is one.
I should mention this is an online relationship that was wanted to be real someday.... He said he can't convert because he's afraid to "lose himself." Afraid if he devotes himself fully to god, he'd have no room for happiness and lose the love he has for me....
He has told you he is not going to convert. You can't be with him because he is not a Witness, and he has told you he is not going to become one. Believe him when he tells you this, because he is telling you the truth.
I'm conflicted on what to do.
You don't seem conflicted. You seem clear on what you need, and what he needs, and that they are two very different things.
I can't tell grandma nor an elder. They wouldn't get past the "It's an internet relationship," part long enough to give me guidance. Praying...I prayed and prayed for guidance...and the way it came... It seems god wants me to end it, if that's the answer I got and I'm not just reading too much into it....
You can't talk to people around you so you turned here for advice. You prayed to God and feel God gave you an answer, but not the answer you wanted to hear.
How can I follow my heart, and at the same time hope to save my life?
It appears as though you can't.
And even if I succeeded in doing both, watch him lose his?
You say you really love this guy, but yet you believe he is going to die.
If it comes before next or the year after? We'll only be together over the internet and never see each other before it......
You believe the end of the world is really imminent.
I have issues bringing up subjects without withdrawing into silence mode...so I can't talk to him about it. But I had others do it...and he's not even willing to learn enough about it before choosing. He's a humanitarian with christian/christendom morals......
You are unable to open up to the man you love. He's given you his answer, but you are still looking for gray area, which really means "how to convert him."
The thing is, I can't end it!
You don't feel that you have the ability, power, or desire to end what you have with this guy.
I don't want to end it!
You don't want to give him up, even if that means accepting who he is.
Even if I ended the realtionship and chose god... Walking away and getting over it? Not possible. He's too important to me...even if I ended it I wouldn't get over it. I'd still worry for his life, still be in conflict...and probably even more pain. If we stay together the same...... there's just no gray option.
You believe God would ask you to give up the person you love. You believe you would never be able to get over your feelings for this person.
I asked him this as an attempt."Fine, I have this question. Would you rather be with me forever or only what's left of this f****ed up mortal life?" and the answer he gave was... "Of course I would want to be with you forever. But considering the circumstances.."
You asked him if he would choose forever with you by converting, and he gave you his response. His response is no.
I am at a loss....I honestly don't know what to do. I've read the threads here already...I don't intend on converting. So it's useless to give that answer...
You feel as though you don't know what to do, but it seems you know what to do, you just don't like the answer.
Rachel
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Spike Tassel
As (hopefully-)maturing humans, we OFTEN have to live with answers we don't like. That's because we DON'T have all the say. A relationship is NEVER just about ONE person, whether ME, or YOU. We each have to be part of a JOINT decision, IF there's to be any WE at all.
Another important thing is a verse from 1 Corinthians 13, the LOVE chapter. Verse 7 says that It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
To apply this to your situation, this means forgiving the he says that seem to disrespect you, believing the way he feels about himself and his understandings about life and religion, hoping that his wishes come true in a good way for him, and accepting your life even if some of his chioces leave you out of his picture.
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Hikaru
*sigh* I can see I'm not going to get very many answers unless I show exactly what he said.
I have the AIM chatlogs. About why he didn't want to convert and where he agreed to learn. Maybe by showing why he didn't want to, you can provide me help on how to prove against that?
Just don't contact him. I'm putting a lot of trust in posting this...because I honestly don't know what to do next. If I teach...I'll mess up.
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reniaa
hikaro please delete your post this is not a safe site to post info were people can be contacted.
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Hikaru
O.o It's just a chatlog. I doubt people use AIM on here...
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nelly136
as rachel says , youve had answers ....you just dont like them.
if you cant accept someone for who they are then its better to let go now.