paranoid and ready to officially leave!

by leftchica 33 Replies latest watchtower scandals

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  flipper

  LEFTCHICA- If I didn't say it before- welcome to the board ! You have received great advice from these fine folks here so far ! I know what you mean about the mixed emotions when first exiting the witnesses " I have never been so happy and so sad at the same time" - many of us feel that also. What you are feeling is normal.

  In feeling your " old me " coming back to life again with being " creative again, funny again, concerned about my health again, want to live in the moment again " - you are experiencing your authentic , real personality coming back to you without the influence of the cult mind control of Jehovah's Witnesses. As witnesses we all had a " cult " personality and an " authentic " personality which we would bury most of the time so the witness " cult " personality or mentality would dominate or take over our behavior, thoughts, and actions.

  If you get a chance- I highly recommend reading Steve Hassan's " Combatting Cult Mind Control" & " Releasing the Bonds- Empowering People to Think for Themselves " - it discusses just what ALL TIME JEFF was saying when he said, " You won't ever get what you want without realizing WHAT is going on around you , and being honest about where you are. "

  By reading Steve Hassan's books it helped me very much to understand HOW I had been controlled by the Jehovah's Witnesses for 44 years until I finally exited 6 years ago. So I encourage you to do " outside " research outside the witness organization because you will find more objective information which will be telling you in honesty about things you would never hear of inside the witnesses. Because the WT society has ALL witnesses under what Steve Hassan calls " information control" in order to keep control of it's members. We are happy you joined the board and we look forward to seeing how your situation progresses. Take care of yourself, hang in there, and Peace out to you, Mr. Flipper
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  OnTheWayOut

  You already have great advice here. I will just pass on my own situation.

  I faded from the meetings. I started out as one of the local elders and decided it was time to get out. Once I knew what I wanted, I didn't want these guys upsetting my exit. I resigned as an elder, stating doubts about the doctrines, used WT quotes to show that I shouldn't be an elder anymore because I didn't fully know and place my trust in the Faithful and Discreet slave. I became the bully. I did not talk to them straight enough about my feelings for them to say they had ammunition to disfellowship me. I met with them a couple of times and was cordial enough, but I stated that I didn't need to study with an elder because I knew how to study for myself.

  After that, I dropped off activity in a matter of months until I wasn't there anymore. Because I had been a bit bullyish toward them, they let me be. They waited two years before offering a shepherding visit, and I simply said no.

  I don't fully recommend that people become something they are not. If you are not ready to bully them back, then I recommend you still remove their power over you by removing your fear of them. They have no power over your life that you don't give them. You don't have to meet with them and you don't have to run from them. You can answer your door or phone if you want to, or you can stop worrying about them finding you outside your home. If you do speak with them, you can say "I am fine. No I don't wish to meet with you guys. No I don't have time to speak with you." It really is that simple.
• 

  Black Sheep

  Hi leftchica, welcome to the forum.

  Months ago I wanted my husband to answer me the question i had about Jw's being selected as "Gods organization" in 1918 by Jesus but he got extremely flustered and upset and thought having the elders over to answer it would be best.

  Rule #1: Don't let a JW get away with that. Insist that they answer your question. Don't let them change the subject and don't accidentally change it yourself.

  If you have a question that you know JWs can't answer, practice it in your head, so that you have it ready for any JW that knocks on your door. Make it a simple question that doesn't involve hours of Bible ping pong. Your "selected in 1919" question is ideal for this. Another related question is to ask them for a list of kings from Nebuchadnessar to Nabonidus, showing what king reigned in what year. See Allymom's K.I.S.S thread to see what I mean.

  For both of those questions, try not to tell them anything. Just insist that they answer your question honestly. Show them relevant WT references to keep them honest. Apply my Rule #1 at all times.

  They won't be knocking on your door for long if you just hit them with the same question every time.

  Instead of hiding behind the curtains, welcome them inside and love bomb them. Be a predator. See how many you can take out with you.

  Cheers

  Chris
• 

  The Almighty Homer

  First of all welcome to the forum Leftchica, your situation like so many others where there is a spouse involved makes separating from the

  Jws that much more difficult to endure. You are probably aware by now if those elders have a strong suspicion that your a doubting apostate

  they vigorously want to confirm that so they can quickly DF so that no one talks or associates with you, this as you know is how they operate,

  hence the recent hounding. Sending a letter of disassociation concerning you may stop this of course, what your husband does is solely

  up to him and how he feels about breaking ties with the WTS. Your on the right track, obviously you've discovered and realized that the WTS.

  is not what they say they are. AllTimeJeff said it poignantly in his comment " Because JW's are currently a religion of lies built upon the rubble of

  older lies, its important I think to be honest. Following on personal and intellectual integrity its time to make a move for the betterment of

  yourself and perhaps others as well. Take care. and stick around here for a while there is an enormous amount information on the WTS.

  and the JWS. enslavement camps.
• 

  cyberjesus

  Hola Chica, please let me add some thoughts,

  1.-Slow down and delay talking to the elders. You need to make sure you will take an informed decision. And right now you are in panic mode so if the elders need to talk they must wait until you are more calm.

  2.- Get your questions answered. If your husband cant answer them (and based on experience he wont because no JW can give a logical and verifiable answer) then you can answer the question yourself. Here is a good start http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/changed-watchtower-teachings.php but keep researching. The book Crisis of Consience helped me a lot.

  3.- If you decide to leave then the next question is: Do you want your husband to leave with you? Cuz if you dont, then the marriage will suffer. If you wanna help him out then get the book Releasing the Bonds by Steven Hassan. It will give you a lot of information as to how to help him out. When I opened my eyes I wanted to tell my family what i had found but that only made the things worst cuz they got scared. But I learned my lesson so get help on how to help him http://www.freedomofmind.com/ and how to help yourself

  4.- If you are ready to leave then decide the best way (the most convenient for you). Because if you have family inside is easier to help them as an inactive person than as DFd or dissaciotated. If thats the case the fading method could be beneficial. In other words you need to keep all the communication lines as open as possible with your loved ones so you can help them think for themselves. Remember your husbad is also fearful of the consecuences, same as you. Same as me. We have "FEAR" because we were taught to fear many things.

  I am sorry if I sound like i know all the answers :-( (I am still fighting to get rid of these JW bad habits)

  So recover your cool first, get more information so you can take your desicion and then get more info on how to take your desicion. You want to think for yourself and help your family to think for themselves.

  Best of wishes,
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  Gayle

  Tell the elders, if you want, not just that you are fine, but that you are "great"! That confuses them!!
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  Balsam

  It's hard, know you don't want to talk to them and its for good reason. You can question but they will note it and eventually ask do you believe that the organization is directed by Jehovah through the faithful & discreet slave. If you say no you don't then they will disfellowship you. Doubts about the organizational policies will lead to disfellowshipping if you talk about it. You were fading then by going to a meeting caused them to give attention to you once again. Avoid their question, simply say no I have no questions. If they try to get you going back then just say thank you for inviting me I'll think about it and go about your business. Don't be afraid and if you are don't show it, behave in a confident manner even if you don't feel it. Wishing you peace as you find your way. I've been free for 8 years now.

  Ruth
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  leftchica

  Thank you all for sharing your experiences and giving such great advice. I have already read "crisis of concience" which helped me ALOT!! I also read "IN search of Christian FREedom".. now I need to read "realeasing the bonds"..so many have suggested it.

  I only have my husband in the organization. His family is all jw's. Some df'd and inactive but mostly they are all in "the truth"..I think he fears of losing his family in the long run where my family has and always will be there for me. We do live far from his family so if he did leave it might be a while till they found out anyway. I hate this hold that this religion puts on people. No one can think or make decisions for themselfs without worrying of losing the ones you love. This alone should be a warning sign for anyone who thinks this religion is worth checking out.

  " the truth shall set you free"...not keep you captive.
• 

  LouBelle

  leftchica - sometimes taking a step back and reassessing the situation will calm the mind/nerves a bit. The thing is...and you said it...being held captive in your own home - when is that a normal thing? You should be able to go out into your garden and potter around, or be in a shopping mall without having to glance over your shoulder.

  I was fortunate enough not to be married to anyone when I made my move to leave. I did however leave behind 90% of my family and 100% of my "friends" - and I would do it again in a heart beat. I am FREE FREE FREE and I can tell you, it's wonderful.

  Take your time and you are your own person, don't be forced to pretend for anyone - that's not the way of love.
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  jookbeard

  leftchica; good luck in leaving Satans lies, your life will be blessed for the better, times may be hard but worth it