tryingtoexit,
Thanks for coming on here and sharing with us.
Hearing your own post makes me think of myself, so I guess that means I can identify with you. Like you, I was raised in the truth, and all of my close family are in it. Also, I only starting thinking AFTER i got married, and I have a good idea of what you might have to go through.
You're about to enter into a very rough time. If you keep thinking for yourself, you'll find out which family members stay close and which ones don't. You'll find out that, for those in the "truth," it's imperative to accept answers without questioning. You'll also find out the true depth of your relationship with your wife.
The simple fact is, for some JWs, they truly do worship the organization itself. For other JWs, they have a more balanced view of WT authority, can think for themselves to a degree, and don't always tow the party line. Luckily for me, my wife fell in the latter category. But that doesn't mean that my transition into a free-thinking person didn't come at a huge emotional expense. It was hard. Incredibly hard, and very painful, and there were quite a few times when we truly didn't know if we would stay together.
But here we are, been married 7 years, with our first child on the way. And we're incredibly happy together.
Just to say that staying together CAN BE DONE when one changes, but that there's no way for you to know that at this point.
I would just say that it is worth it to BE YOURSELF, to THINK clearly, and REJECT this corrupt, white-washed organization. It's not just a matter of twisted doctrine... it's a matter of child abuse cover-ups, and hypocritical and harmful policy based on those twisted doctrines. The more you learn about the WTS, the more you'll realize that it is a CORPORATION that looks out for its own interests first and foremost. Lawyers are running the organization, not God's so-called "channel of communication."
It doesn't have to mean that you dissassociate yourself; it might mean that you fade away, like me. But that takes some finesse, and you have to NOT talk about your reasoning with anyone else, except your wife.
How your wife handles the transition will be everything. If she can't handle it, and placed her allegiance to the organization ahead of her love for you... well start packing buddy, because sticking around after that is a long road into hell, and there are plenty of examples here on JWD of that exact scenario. But give her time, nonetheless. Remember, she married someone with all the qualities she thought were important to her. Now that you've changed, she will have to re-evaluate all of that. So give her time, be VERY patient, and very loving.
Send me a private message if you want... peace out,
-dp