I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK...!

by iknowall558 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  iknowall558

  I need some help /advice.......think I'm finally starting to go crazy....

  Within a year...we've come out of org and lost all our friends...... we get shunned by all along with family members .... we have moved house....... and my youngest son ,7yrs, had to be taken out of his school because he couldn't cope with the shunning of me and his dad....... and recently I lost my husband, and my kids have lost their dad....he walked out on us 6weeks ago.

  My friends....fellow apostates, have been invaluable to me and have been there from the word go.....I love them all so much... but lately, after doing so well and coping admirably considering.........he texted me tonight to say that ....some of my friends "have more than one face and would have me believe they only have my best interests at heart all of the time." and "if i only knew what the people I call friends really are.."

  Ive tried not to let anything he has said upset me or get to me, although it does, but this has really thrown me, and I really couldnt stand any more rejection..........he has made me feel so alone in one fell swoop......He wont elaborate and I dont know what to think..........is he playing games with me.....? I havent cried much at all since he left, and I havent taken the prozac that the doctor has prescribed to me...but the past few days I have felt my self go down and now this......i am sobbing and just dont know what to do........Ive seen the way all my friends have been there for me, so why is he doing this....?
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  VoidEater

  I know of a krazy kult that can help with that...tell you exactly what to think, when to think it, and more!
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  TheClarinetist

  I don't really have any advice... Except possibly to take your medicine. Talk to someone. It will get better...
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  Mickey mouse

  It sounds very much like he's playing games with you.

  If there's one thing you can be sure of, any man who walks out on his wife and children during such a difficult transitional period does NOT have their best interests at heart.

  (((Hugs to you and your children)))
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  Heaven

  is he playing games with me.....?

  Yes he is. It is his way of striking back at you and an attempt to control you. I'm not sure where your relationship stands with him or what you feel the next steps are with him. When my husband (now ex) started doing these types of things to me he lost me forever. I am not one to put up with someone trying to hurt and control me. This is abusive behaviour and it says a lot about the person. Perhaps you need to start setting some boundaries with him. You could start by changing your cell phone number so he cannot text you anymore.

  I believe it would be wise to seek some professional help as well. A counsellor as well as a lawyer.

  Hugs to you iknowall558. I understand about abuse... and it is unacceptable.
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  yknot

  

  Game playing of that sorts is not a good sign of a decent, moral, mature, nurturing father/husband.

  Tell him some of your other friends thinks he ought to be ashamed of himself, afterall he abandoned his wife and children!

  Now, seeing how he is a spineless ninny....... be joyful he has showed his 'true colors'. He is desperate and angry that you haven't come running after him.....and you should NEVER run after a man......NO NO NO NO NO..... men chase women, that is the way it has got to be or they are egotistical jackasses.

  The best defense is a great offense.....

  1) Ignore the text (do not text back)........ casually remark his comments to all your friends and pointing out how sad and desperate such action are instead of him being a 'real man' and either truly ending yall's relationship or setting about to fix all the damage he has done. Sigh and say something like...... I never realized how 'selfish' he was, he isn't even concerned how this behavior might damage our children....

  2) Do something that makes you feel pretty!

  3) File for divorce via abandonment

  4) Decide if you need to go back to school

  5) Know that you will find love and be loved again, he is being an immature turd-monkey and you as a grown woman and mother don't have any time for that kind of nonsense your life.......no, only a real man, who knows how to handle, care and PROVIDE for his family will do~!

  6) Go on a date!........ the type that is just for laughs, great adult conversation and a chance to rekindle you love of flirting!
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  bluecanary

  If he knew that some of your friends were bad mouthing you behind your back, he would taunt you about it in detail. The very fact that he's not giving names or specifics proves he's making it up. I went through something similar as a JW. My ex-husband's best friend informed us that people were bad-mouthing us, me in particular, all over the kingdom hall, including elders. I tracked it down and it turned out the only person bad-mouthing and spreading rumors was him! That's how some JWs operate. Don't believe a word out of his lying mouth.

  As always, Yknot's advice is excellent.
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  cheerios

  it's really hard, and you're doing so well. dont let them get to you. find a good counselor and never miss a session. i am quite positive that therapy helped save my life - and it can help you too!

  we're pullin for ya!
• 

  quietlyleaving

  don't listen to him (((((iknowall)))))

  I have found that a sad fact of life is that a part of human nature is to contrive and embroider stories to uphold oneself and denigrate those whom one wants to (but this can also be seen as telling the story from one's own angle including one's own mental and emotional makeup).

  .........he texted me tonight to say that ....some of my friends "have more than one face and would have me believe they only have my best interests at heart all of the time." and "if i only knew what the people I call friends really are.."

  and anyway I would think that only God can have one's best interests at heart all of the time. People are frail and human - notice how he expects supreme qualities from your friends for you and of course this isn't going to happen so then are they to be cast off?

  "if i only knew what the people I call friends really are.."

  in his estimation. Keep in front of you what you expect from your friends and don't be swayed by what he expects from your friends for you.
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  iknowall558

  Have woken up today feeling a bit better......I mulled it over in my head and decided that what he said about my friends applies ....only to himself. I have overhead conversations he had with his friend about me that cut me to the quick, and when I told him, he did everything to excuse and wriggle his way out of it........He finished his texting with me last night by saying...."I have my dignity, I cant say the same for these people".

  This part I know cant possibly be true.......without going into detail........there is so much he's said and done to say otherwise! I will take on board what everyone has said, mostly to ignore him and not listen to a word he said, that is the best advice I can take...... I appreciate all your comments and concern and want to thank you all so much for replying.........XX

  Lorraine