I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK...! (page 2)

MissingLink

I agree - he's messing with you. You should document these things (save the text messages) - they may be considered abuse if they continue.

Try to laugh off the pathetic fool. Don't let him get to you, that's what he wants.

very unlikely he would be talking to your friends anyway.......and even if one of said something to him, he may have taken it out of context, heard what he wanted, and blew it out of proportion........my new apostate friends have been extremely helpful to me........lifesaving.......as has the freinds here on jwd............we are very small club and who else understands us so well?........"where else could we go?"..........barf..............oompa

good luck girl!

milola

It sounds to me that perhaps he is the one in need of medication. It almost sounds like he might be suffering paranoia. Don't let his crap get to you. Concentrate on your self and your kids and being happy together.

AGuest

May you hav peace!

Someone commented that "You should document these things (save the text messages) ..." I am not sure I would agree. Unless you HAVE to talk to him, I would find a way to STOP him (and ANYONE else who EVER sends you ANY kind of negative messages) from texting you. Change your cell number and only give him one where he can only leave voice messages (which you may need to save, if they become threatening, abusive... or try to undermine your raising the children he walked out on). If he can't be civil on voice mail, tell him he needs to email/snail mail you.

Because, although I know you don't intent it, you're LETTING him get to you... by providing him easy access TO you. Do you HAVE to do so? Do you WANT to do so? I know it's [very] hard to let go - he left, so I'm assuming it was HIS decision/choice... not yours. BUT... think about it: do you REALLY wanna keep attachment (other than your mutual children) to someone who's walked out... not only on YOU (you're an adult and, it could be argued [by him] that you had some hand in it)... but on your (and his?) CHILDREN (who, either way, had absolutely NO hand in it)?

Think, dear one: YOU are now responsible for what "kind" of adult/parent your children "see." If you can't tell him to shove off for yourself... do it for your children. Tell him that either he leaves ONLY positive and/or necessary messages... or none at all. Understandably, the [younger' children might have a hard time... but because he left them, too, they will eventually get that (though, YOU should NEVER speak ill of him TO... or AROUND them... no matter what). In the meantime, YOU... however, need to be strong... and together... and "in control"... to extent you CAN be... for THEM.

May the undeserved kindness and mercy of my Father, the Most Holy One of Israel, JAH of Armies... God of the "fatherless child" - which your children may eventually become due to their rock-head dad... and the love and peace of His Son and Christ, my Lord, JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH... be upon you and your children.

Your servant, and your children's... and a slave of Christ,

SA

iknowall558

AGuest ----- I do have to see him and I do have to talk to him because of the children. He comes to see them just about every day and he managed to get himself a flat just 5mins away from where me and the boys are...... Mostly I try and stay out of the way when he comes to my house and I have very little conversation with him if I can steer it that way.....

Yes, he is the one who walked away......I have accepted, due to his behaviour and attitude, that this is the best thing to have happened.......and you are right what you say....I dont want to have any attatchment to him, I feel so much better when I dont see him..and I think this is the course to follow.

All of this arose from the fact that I wouldnt let my children walk down to his house on their own, at night, when it was dark......! They are 11 and 7yrs old. I wouldnt let them walk on their own at all no matter what time of the day it was.........(he does have a car). I said something to him about it....and he got angry......

But thank you for your kind words.....I appreciate it.

megs

I'm sorry but I didn't see anyone comment on the fact that you are not taking the prozac you were prescribed... Please go back on them, realise it takes 6-8 weeks for them to reach their full efficacy. You will be much more able to manage things!

Awen

Him getting angry because you won't give in to the children walking to his house at night shows me 2 things:

1) He sees himself as somehow being entitled to your obedience. Many men in the KH seem to think that way (I'm male btw and always hated that crap), just because he is a man and you are a woman.

2) Getting angry about something that is reasonable shows he has no respect for you whatsoever. I wouldn't put it past him to undermine your relationship with the children when they visit him or when he's at your house and you're avoiding him.

File for divorce and seek full custody. That way if he wants to visit he has to do it on your terms (which he will dislike immensely) at your convenience, etc. Do not avoid him when he visits the children. Put on a happy face for the children and no matter what mean things he says to you , reply with Love (or at least the appearance of Love). Your children will eventually see thru his facade and will make up their own minds in due time whether to have anymore to do with him or not. He is afterall their father and the decision must be theirs to make, unless you feel that them having contact with him is somehow dangerous (i.e. he may try to run off with them).

If he is still going to the KH, then be really quick about the divorce proceedings. I have seen and heard of too many times when the husband left his wife because of his own shortcomings, but the Elders supported him and were called as character witnesses and the innocent wife had her children taken from her. Get yourself a female lawyer, because she will sympathize with you, whereas a male may not and may not work as hard to help you. Also get in touch with Randy Watters on Freeminds.org about finding a Cult expert in your area who can testify in court about the dangers of JW's and the techniques they often use to control/manipulate those who attempt to leave.

That is all I can think of at the moment.

sweet pea

Hang in there mate - your man needs to grow up and grow some balls.

Don't let him get to you. You know who your friends are - don't let him put doubts in your mind.

As MM wisely said, any man that leaves his wife and children (especially in the manner her did) does NOT have your or your children's best interests at heart.

Plan some really nice things for yourself, get strong and be an inspiration to your boys.

Here for you.

Hugs

Sam (sorry I didn't see this earlier)

any chance of you coming down to London for Nov 4th?

iknowall558

MEGS I appreciate what youre saying, but I am reluctant to take them.......hubby was responsible for me taking a prescribed dose of anti-depressants on another occassion, because I was 'paranoid' and I 'had to get myself sorted out'......It turned out I wasn't paranoid.....just that he was a very good liar.. But , in saying that, I wont be stupid. I do have 2 children to look after, and if my state of mind or emotions are hindering me looking after them properly, then I will take them. I feel ok just now......and I hope its all uphill from now on...ty.

AWEN That is a lot of good advice. I haven't even thought of divorce yet.......the word itself is scaring the kids....but it is a consideration for a future date. Hubby isnt still a witness, we left together a year ago, he is a fellow apostate and is HOBOKEN on the forum. I appreciate you taking the time to put everything in your post, and I will keep it in mind.....thank you.

SWEETPEA Thanks Sam for your support again. I feel I have become stronger. I do have off days, and I let myself be upset. Its not pleasant and I dont like it, but I know the next day I will feel ready to take on the world again..lol. I read something once by Albert Camus and it always helps me cope ......"In the depths of winter, I found within myself and invincible Summer.." I know Im a lot stronger than I think I am, we all are, and I need to be for the boys. I would love to come down to London, I would love to meet you, but it wont be possible this time round......boys still at school etc., and I couldnt rely on Matt to look after them due to his work committments. I really hope you have a great time though....You can have a drink for me.... Thanks again. x

LouBelle

Dear Lorraine - I hpe you are feeling even better now. You know the best why to deal with something that another person has to say about your friends is to go to your friends - be open and honest with them - let them know how he is making you feel. Talk about it and see what they have to say.

They have been there for you all this time, stood by you & that says a lot about them.

Be strong!!! I know you can stand with your head high, you know you can. You're a woman, a mother, a friend and you have courage. It takes great strength and courage to leave a faith and follow this path.

So you go uphill !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK...!

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