by dgp 35 Replies latest jw friends
With the continuation of the 'great man shortage'.......many (many) sisters end up marrying outside of the faith.
There does seem to be an upswing of brother marrying non-JWs (but usually it is a shotgun marriage).
I think she was honest with you and you should let her go. Those who see things this way will not likely change opinions
I married outside of the WTS but I was always a strong believer of 1 Cor 7:12-16.
My sister is a JW and dating someone who is "studying" they want to get married but she told him she will not marry him until he is baptised as a JW. Funny thing is her boyfriend knows that JW's are a mind controling cult, and still agrees to go through with it. they have been dating for almost two years. The elders know how he feels about the JW's and have asked him to not see her anymore. But he sure does love my sis. They are still going out behind the elders backs and he is doing a better job pretending to be a JW.
Nice to see you making use of the board, dgp! Some women just don't want a mate badly enough. My mother became a single JW at 38 years old. She wanted very badly to find a new husband, but there were no elligable men around and she wouldn't consider dating a non-JW. Now that she's out of the cult, she's free to date whomever she wants--but she's realized she doesn't want to. At this point in her life she's satisfied being single. There's a part of her that would enjoy some love and romance, but overall she feels like it's more hassle than fun.
Generally, the only reason witness women date non-witnesses is because they really want a mate but there are no JW men available to them. It's likely that either the woman you're interested in feels like she has other options, or she just isn't interested in finding a partner. In other words, it's not so much a rejection of you as it is a rejection of having a partner at all.
Thanks for your words, bluecanary. Yes, finally I decided to make use of the board. I'm a little embarrassed with you, but that will pass, too.
I also believe what you say. She's finding herself as well, after the divorce.
I am with YKNOT and you, Bluecanary, in saying that it's best if I give up. As a person. I am afraid she will be in serious trouble in a short time, and she might well be in need of a worldly person.
I am still open to new opinions, if anyone wants to take the time to do that at all.
I just wondered whether marrying me would really bring disfellowshipping, or what. It would be serious trouble, now I know.
Hi dgp. Welcome to the forum.
She might not be DFd, but she would be looked down on. If she was DFd she just has to act repentant and lick Elder's boots for six months and she can get back in. She would still be looked down on for a time. It would help her if it looked like you might be recruitable and are worthy of bit of love bombing to that end. A lot depends on the congregation she is in. I have heard JWs describing various congregations as 'close' (friendly) or 'cold'.
As a 'born-in' who married a non JW, I look back on myself at that time as 'damaged goods'. Even though I had drifted out and wasn't baptised, I made a lot of bad decisions based on the teaching of the cult. You can the the boy out of the cult but you can't get the cult out of the boy, if you see what I mean. As long as the teaching that Armageddon might kill you, your lover and/or your kids, there is a danger that you will return to making decisions based on that.
My advice to you and to Joshnaz's brother would be consider them to be damaged goods until such time as they fully understand that they are under cult mind control and are making efforts to recover from it.
Take advice from apologists with a pinch of salt. They wear a friendly mask on here. They are expert at 'polishing the outside of the cup' by cherry picking WT & Bible quotes and quoting experiences of people, who they conveniently forget to mention are 'weak in the faith', as examples of less cultish behaviour by their fellow victims. Honesty only gets lip service when there are non/ex members of the cult present. This is standard practice for any cult.
Cheers
Chris
Convert.
Marry Her.
Call BS on the religion.
And suffer like the rest of the Guy's here with "believing mate's.
Who knows if she is a big flirt and desperate to get married... lol things could happen... happened to my mom and me. My mom got remarried to a "worldly person" and I fell in love with a "worldly person" and got DFed. I did it for him over the control of my religion! He was amazing to me at the time.
I'm with most opinions here that it would be best for yourself to walk in the other direction in regards to
involving yourself deeply with this woman. Being that your not a JW you have no foresighted knowledge
of how controlling this religion can be and what kind of effects it has on close immediate family relationships.
Girl might be nice as candy but the religion she is involved with will definitely kill you.
My sister for example is a devoted JW also, who simply cant find another appropriate life partner because there are very few available JW men
in her age group ( 40's ) that is single or who she'd would like to marry, so she stays single, lonely and unhappy.
Thats the controlling aspect of this particular cult either your in it or your definitely out.
Jws are instructed not to even socialize with someone who is not a JWS, let alone to marry one.
Thats one of the reason why when one spouse in a marriage decides they don't want to be involved any longer with this religion
a divorce usually follows. ........... fair warning
Some do marry outside their religion, but they are disobeying the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger in the process. Usually, it will result in the person being marked as "bad association".
About the only way out of this is you will have to study and become a witless yourself. Yes, the study will be handed to a "brother". Yes, you will be expected to do everything they want you to--throw away your Christmas and church items, quit smoking and gambling, give up your horoscopes, and the like. Then you will have to go out in field circus, regularly. You will then need to be baptized.
Even then, there is no guarantee. They are programmed not to marry someone "too soon out of the pool", and they are not distinct as to what constitutes "too soon". Usually, this is a means to allow someone else to take them out from under your feet, and the hounders can bumble this as long as they damn well feel like it. Then, you have all those stupid rules about dating--there always has to be someone watching you at each and every date. Even after you are married, you still have those stupid rules--which the hounders will do their best to make sure you are abiding by (and if she is strong in the cancer, she will not break them anyways).
Once you are in, the hounders may in fact decide to prevent you from having her after all that work. If they see "Value Destroyer Training School" on you, forget it--they are going to do all they can to prevent anything from happening. It will never be "long enough" out of the pool. Or, they might slander you to make you look like s*** to her. They might even play down your hours in field circus and play up whatever you are doing wrong (and there is always something). All this has nothing to do with physical attraction or lack thereof--those witlesses are programmed to believe that worldly people are so much urine or poison, and walking corpses.
Beyond that, there are always issues with what the religion does to people. Extreme behavior aside, these people always think of the next boasting session, field circus, and that next call. Any children will have to be raised as witlesses--meaning no fun while in school, no good jobs, and the children have a better than even chance of spending the better part of their adult lives still with their parents. Those children will have to stay up past 10 PM on school nights (usually the most popular one for unit tests the next day). You will have to take them to the boasting sessions, and then keep them silent for two hours or more at a time.
Make no mistake--if you marry a witless, you are in for a lot of huge headaches.
A run in with an old JW love was how I ended up on this forum. A long time ago, I was out of the 'truth', he was in, but we were seeing each other secretly. Of course, someone ratted us out and he got pulled before a JC. He begged me to meet with the elders but I refused. I was adamant that there was nothing wrong with us dating and it was absolutely nobody's business but the adults involved. He was consumed with guilt and it faded fast.
I saw him awhile ago, and lots of bottled emotions resurfaced. We text and talked a bit, he's still single and miserable. He's been messed over many, many times in this Borganization. As soon as I encouraged him to talk about it, he put on the breaks and refused to speak to me. I couldn't believe the fear based reaction he had! I'd forgotten, or tried really hard to block out the amount of control that went on. What the hell kind of religion make people behave like this?
I did the research and found the answer. I've always lost to this cult. It'd be great to believe that love conquers all, but the hold of the Borg is just too strong.
