All right, do JW's REALLY do not marry outside of their faith?

by dgp 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  JWdaughter

  JW's are discouraged from marrying non-JWs, but they will not be DF'd. A JW man will probably not get to be a MS or Elder unless he jumps through some serious hoops, but they will not be removed from the congregation. They will be annoying to be married to, though.

  My mom -who is a JW- 'toyed' with some poor guy she worked with and was attracted to, but ultimately decided that he wouldn't do because of reasons that had to do with his morals, not his religion. (And I supported her decision, he really liked her, but he had a former girlfriend who was still living with him!) But she did consider a relationship with him-and had been married to a non JW for over 30years-which was a good relationship for her. She married him when she 'knew' the 'truth' but wasn't committed to it.
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  goldensky

  Dear dgp,

  I've been in the congregation since the age of 3 and grew up in the truth. I've been inactive for four months now. I married an unbeliever when I was 26 and, 22 years and two kids later, I can proudly say we still have a wonderful marriage. I was not disfellowshipped, I kept my dating secret from everybody and one day I appeared in the Kingdom Hall already married. All the elders said to me was, "If we had known you were going out with him we'd have tried to discourage you, but since you are already married we will try hard to help you in whatever problems come up in your relationship". I appreciated their concern but never ever needed to turn to them for help. My marriage has been far better than many I know where both are witnesses.

  And believe me, I was totally convinced I'd never marry an unbeliever. Do you know what made me change my mind? HE LOVED ME LIKE NOBODY EVER HAD, and I'd gone out with many brothers before. But he NEVER gave up, and he, although having had sex with many women before me, NEVER TRIED ANYTHING with me further than kissing, out of respect for my beliefs.

  So my advice is: if you really, really love the sister, GO FOR HER. You sound like a wonderful and respectful person. I think you can make her very happy. Convince her of your heartfelt love and be very respectful of her beliefs. You will end up winning her heart if you really try. Just bear in mind you will have to put up with many things you may not agree with. My husband has paid the price willingly without ever complaining: my meetings, my conventions, no Christmas, no birthdays, his friends hardly ever around us, my friends and family constantly at home (the brothers love my husband, he really blends in to perfection), raising my kids strictly in the truth... If you are willing to put up with that, don't hesitate. Convince her of your love if you really love her that much and... I wish you all the happiness in the world.

  This is only my humble opinion based on my own experience.
• 

  Gordy

  Yes JWs do marry non-JWs, but very rarely from my experience.
  Usually the couples I have met, the one who is a JW became one after they were called on by JWs.

  I've known non-JW couples who were having a study, wait until they were baptised before getting married.
  One guy waited a year while his girlfriend had a study so they could be baptised together.

  One point is that the lady in question said she would not risk her "relationship with Jehovah" marrying a non-JW.
  I wonder seeing she has been divorced, she is more worried about her "standing" in the congregation.
  As this also comes under "relationship with Jehovah" if the congregation doesn't approve, neither does Jehovah.
  She would be viewed as being "spiritually weak" and the JW gossip mill would start up.
• 

  dgp

  I very much appreciate all yours posts. I am starting to figure out what is on her mind. can sort of take one thing from one and the other and figure out what is on her mind, which is what I want. I agree with Yknot in that she's spoken her honest mind. I find WT Wizard's post very enlightening. One big conclusion I derive from that is that, in the end, it wouldn't even be for the two of us to decide whether we would be together or not. And that makes it very difficult, from several angles. Is it worth to convert for her, or to go through the motions, when I wouldn't be allowed to be with her anyways? From her point of view, does it make any sense to suffer a loss in her standing in the congregation, knowing, as she knows, that this would be the case? She divorced recently; but I have known her for years and she's been coming closer to me in the last two years. So she knows who I am. Would I be the same person if I were a devout witness? Would I be able to really make it as a witness? All that must weight in her decision, too.

  If I became a witness for her, I would be in the same kind of trap as many people who post here, or lurk here. I would be in the religion for the sake of my love for someone. What about my relatives, none of whom is a witness? What about my own friends?

  Which brings me to another question, if anyone is willing to post more. What role could I play, then? Run for the hills? It does not seem a good moral option. I know the pain and the problems she goes through. I know she could be disfellowshipped in the future anyways. All of her friends and family, all the people she has let in, are witnesses. What would happen to her then?

  People, I need the enlightenment. I know you all mean good, to me and to her, when you tell me to run away. I will have to move on and love someone else. It is not easy; when a mere mortal loves a witness, and he understands what she goes through, he loves harder. This is not just about feeling her kisses or sleeping with her. This is about agape, you know? I know you all will understand that word. I told her that was how I loved her, and it is true.

  Please, continue to post your ideas.
• 

  The Almighty Homer

  Maybe you should try and unindoctrinate her by means of information about this cult, if she has the common sense

  to really see what it is then you both can go on your own direction. Right now she's in a trap and she may need your help

  to get out. I certainly wouldn't join and support a religion just so to have a relationship. Thats a really screw ball of an idea unless

  you arrange something that both parties eventually fade out of it shortly afterward. And if you think this religion

  deserves any kind of respect, it doesn't, its about devious and corrupt as a used car sales man.

  She might too realize that its just a marketing scam for a publishing corporation.
• 

  Quandry

  Welcome to the forum.

  The poor woman you are interested in is being pulled in two different directions. I recall that some time ago an elder said that marrying an "unbeliever" was like kissing a corpse.....meaning they are going to die at the battle of Armageddon.

  You can imagine that she would be torn, feeling that her marriage will be temporary, as they are told that Armageddon is sooooo close it could come at any time, and then you'd be destroyed by God (being the unwitting devil-worshiper that you are).

  I can't see any happy future with this person. Her family will all be against it, the ones at the KHall will be against it, and deep inside she feels guilty for seeing you.

  Unless she changes her views, it will be a rocky road ultimately ending in pain for both of you.