A Wake! Will you come to our funeral?
villabolo
Joke Awake titles
by highdose 26 Replies latest social humour
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Girlie
Awake: Cow Fart: Ozone killer or not?
WatchTower: Do our literature bore the public?
Edited for presentation: Good morning sir. We are out in the community sharing a thought-provoking message with your neighbors. Do you view the Watchtower as dull? (wait for response) Well, I'll have you know that our literature is filled with unsubstantiated bible topics and have been known to cure major cases of insomnia. I would like to leave our latest issue of the Watch.... go away you said sir? Ok. Well, you have a wonderful day. lol
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processor
Hey ... that are many suggestions for future Witchtower articles!
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processor
Defecation - When will it end?
Actually, in will end in paradise. This is a rough translation of the article from Das Goldene Zeitalter (German version of The Golden Age), February 1924 issue:
Should we expect that the in the Golden Age, the intake of food will continue in the present way and hence also feces are excreted? Or does the electric ring purify these embarrassing processes?
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First, we want to prepend two additional questions to yours: Should we assume that the human couple emerged from the creator’s master hand – Adam and Eve – in their perfect condition and the superb environment were subjected to these sense-disturbing processes? Could man really be considered as a kinglike being as long as his metabolism functions that way? … The garden of delight that was specifically prepared for them by the creator provided only perfect food which divine love and wisdom had chosen for them – fruit and herb perfectly adjusted to their organism; the whole ingestion could be absorbed by the body to the very last atom, and there were no poisons or unusable substances to remove. But then the catastrophe came, the fall and the eviction from the wonderful garden into an inhospitable wilderness. … Despite the wonderful mechanism of adaption and the amazing efficiency regarding the chemical transformation of the food substances that was provided by the creator, the body laboratory was unable to utilize everything; hence there was waste matter that had to be excreted under all circumstances. ... From this viewpoint, these “processes” constitute a side effect of the death penalty imposed on Adam and his descendants that will likely disappear with its repeal in the Golden Age.Awake! Is Sleep Overrated?
The new Witchtower issue will cover that topic. Here's a preprint: http://svhelden2.kilu.de/stayawake.pdf
Why thinking for yourself can be fatal!
That also has been covered in the first Witchtower issue.
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awildflower
Awake! Toe Cleavage Fashion or Hidden Danger? (pic of a seductive pair of feet in flip flops, red painted toe nail polish, pictured somewhere in the corner of the kingdom hall or the work place with a brothers or mens shoes getting a little "to close". (Sacolton help me out with a pic!)
"......and this month the companion to the Watchtower magazine is about a subject many people might not give much thought to and think you and your family would greatly benefit from the information in here. After all, we all find ourselves needing to wear shoes at one time or the other and this information will help us to make sure that our shoe selection is pleasing to our Creator, and I can tell that you are a spiritually minded person and can appreciate that. Please take a look at that as well and like I said, it's something that can be shared with the whole family. I'll come back at a later time just to see what you thought and see if you have any questions on the magazines as well ok......."
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Farts - Past, Present, and Future
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shamus100
Cutting Your Own Hair Is Fun!
