Assembly Survival Techniques (page 3)

LucyA

I agree with the MP3 player idea if that's not possible you could always sit and make up funny sub-titles to the talks.

e.g. 9.00 am Armageddon is just around the corner!

So tell us which corner already! I’m there! (I know not one of my best)

RubaDub

Do I know you Rub-a-dub??? Did we share a thermos?

SlipnSlide ...

We very well may have.

But then so many people up in that 700 level of yellow seats were half blasted between the sun and the booze.

Rub a Dub

daniel-p

Best survival technique I know is not to go.

If you are in to writing, try visualizing thoughts you want to convey in a book. Follow them through step by step, then quickly jot them down on paper, before you forget. I got this tip from a Ray Bradbury lecture and should work exceedingly well at a CA with nothing there to distract you. Some of my most creative ideas come this way.

no more kool aid

During my final hours as a JW I was going to school. I often has tougher concepts written out on index cards that I stuck in my book, that way I didn't have to study in my spare time. I graduated with a 4.0. Also fun to come up with theme songs in your head for the same old people that walk up and down the isles looking to be seen. Hope it helps, don't pinch that poor baby unless you really have to haha. NMKA

mindmelda

I used to draw, sneak books to read inside my Bible, and sleep during assemblies. I swear, no one becomes better at sleeping sitting up than JWs at assemblies.

I once read this thing about Puritans, that they deliberately made their meetings long, boring and uncomfortable because they felt it was a type of penance that was good for the soul.

I think that JWs often have that same mind set to make you sit for hours on uncomfortable stadium seats designed for watching a 2 hour sporting event where you're allowed to stand up and move at will.

There's no possible way to assimilate hours and hours of information, our attention span is at best 20 minutes long, and we retain only about 20% of what we hear.

On top of the fact that 6 hours of rah rah bullshit are totally sleep inducing, my doctor told me if you sit or lie still longer than an hour, the blood pressure lowers to signal it's time to sleep, because that's one of the signals the brain takes as "It's nap time!"

rebel8

ROFL re the pee suggestion--brilliant.

If you want to ensure success, make up a tiny ziploc bag of fake baby puke. Say, some baby oatmeal with chunks of apple and spoiled tuna to make sure it stinks. Spill it on you when holding the baby and no one's looking.

Go to the practical joke store and let your creative juices flow.

Get some fake blood and squirt it on you after using the restroom. Say a sister dripped menstrual blood on you accidentally. Foolproof first class express ticket home!

Take a walk outside during the program and claim you were witnessing to someone.

Back to the oatmeal. Use food coloring to make it brown. Drip some on your shoe. Say you had diarrhea.

Body fluids are the best excuse! (The right ones, of course.)

OMG tears are coming out of my eyes and I just woke my husband from LOLing!

Get a difficult-to-stop nosebleed.

Come down with symptoms of Swine Flu or pinkeye.

Be a nice brother and donate some soap for the restrooms.

Walk around the aisles with a basket full of snacks, yelling, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

Go into the restroom. Rub some Limburger cheese on your arms. Wet the armpits on your shirt. Return to your seat and sit with your arms folded behind your head.

Put a few open cans of tuna under the podium.

Wire the speakers to a microphone hidden in the ladies' room.

WTWizard

Put your favorite songs on your iPod. If you are daring, you might even be able to put a movie on it and watch it (make sure the battery is fully charged before doing this, because you do not want it going dead halfway through the a$$embly). Even putting "bad" songs on the iPod makes sense--rap that is full of swearing, "sun worship" songs, and heavy metal that is blatantly obscene will work if you like that kind of music.

Another way is to take a Game Boy Advance or Color, and play Pokemon on it. I suggest starting a fresh game during the a$$embly, and playing through the whole thing. You should be halfway through the game by the end of the first day. Again, I recommend making sure the batteries are fully charged (and this especially if you are using a Nintendo DS), because you are not going to be able to plug it in while the program is in session. Just beware: If the hounders catch you, you are likely to be in for hell.

Mary

I did a thread years ago on Tips for Surviving the ASSemblies. Enjoy.

Assembly Survival Techniques