by JWinprotest 110 Replies latest jw friends
One of the elders made the comment that if he 'comes home in a bad mood and smacks his wife around' then that's not grounds for divorce. I couldn't believe my ears and me and several other sisters all looked at each other in disbelief. After the meeting I went up to him and said "so if I come to the meeting next Sunday and knock your teeth down your throat, that's no reason for you to do anything about it eh?'
Why these JW "sisters" put up with this crap is beyond me. REVOLT!!!!
let me get this right, abuse is OK but if one mate doesn't believe in WT then all bets are off?
Instead, they sent me emails of Awake 'articles' on being submissive, not provoking him, and what the Bible EXPECTS of a 'capable wife'.
Okay, how do folks say it... I think I threw up a little in my mouth...
Peace.
SA, on her own, but thinks my Lord would probably puke a little, too...
Am I becoming so angry at the WTS that I'm picking on them, or does this sound so ridiculously stupid to anyone else?
Their rules are ridiculously stupid, and hopefully you are very angry at them.
BluesBrother, as I read your quotes from the Watchtower I thought maybe the attitude toward domestic violence within the organization may have actually changed in the 21 years since I've been out. But then I went back and read babygirl30's post that said in part:
His dad was an elder and his mom a reg pioneer and they BOTH knew what was going on. Did they get me help? Did they turn HIM in? No and NO! Instead, they sent me emails of Awake 'articles' on being submissive, not provoking him, and what the Bible EXPECTS of a 'capable wife'. What part of capable meant ALLOWING this man to put his hands on me and call me names? Steal from me? Tell me I was 'nothing'? Uh-uh. When I did go forward and did confess MY part, a major influence on my actions WAS his abuse. But it didn't matter. To the elders, when I was describing the abuse their exact words were "this is not ABOUT your accusations - this is about fornication". Broke my heart. I'm about to marry this crazy man, and all they could say was that? THAT day I lost a lot of respect for those 'men' becuase it dawned on me that they really didn't CARE about me as a person...it was moreso about how their cong looked.
and I see that nothing has changed. For almost seven years I endured abuse from my jw husband. He choked, kicked and punched me on a regular basis. He held me down with one foot on my chest while stomping my arm with the other foot. My arm was black from shoulder to wrist. He would drive into oncoming traffic or veer off toward a tree and then straighten the car's trajectory out at the last second. During the last few years he frequently threatened to kil me. I reported this to the elders on a regular basis, and he would cry and confess his cruelty to me along with some of his weird, disgusting sexual sins. And the result? He didn't qualify for privileges, and I was counseled to be a better wife.
After he was forcibly committed to a mental institution for a second time, because he was deemed to be a valid threat to my life, I filed for divorce. The elders appeared at my door, unannounced and uninvited in an attempt to coerce me into remaining in the marriage. When I refused, they then informed me that I would not be able to remarry without proving adultery on his part. I explained to them that I was giving up most of my material possessions and any claims to spousal support or my share of the value of our home just to have this maniac completely out of my life and that I would be risking my life in proving anything about him. The elders continued pressuring me, asking me how I would prove adultery on his part, so I finally said in sheer desperation that I would da myself. Their response was for me not to bother, that they would df me instead.
Recently during a rare conversation with my mother about urgent family business I was informed that I was df'd for adultery. Apparently the only evidence my jw ex-husband needed was the false confession of adultery by a frightened, traumatized 24-year old woman to her mother who was badgering her to return to the "truth" and attend the same kh where the man who threatened to kill her was attending..back to the same elders who pushed her right out the door...and back to an organization that clearly didn't give a damn that she lived with almost constant emotional, mental and physical torture. And this false confession was given after I was told by the elders that I was going to be df'd.
Aside from the material things, I also lost my family, friends and faith. You can quote the Watchtower all you want, but I know how I was treated, and according to the testimony of other victims, they're still doing the same things now. The only reason I was df'd is because I would not submit to the will of the Watchtower. It didn't matter that I was fighting for my very life, and it doesn't matter for the people who are now in the same situation.
Well, Blues Brother here is a "reality check" for you. When I was 14 my alcoholic father (who was studying and not baptized) often got drunk, beat up on my mom, broke pretty much everything in the house and one time it got so bad that one of the neighbors called the police. So about 2 in the morning me and my mom get hauled off in a police car (cause my asshole dad wouldn't let my mom take the car she drove cause it was in his name) and so we knocked on a sister's door and she took us in. I begged my mom not to go back but I also remember the stupid elders mediating between my mom and dad. One elder told my mom "he said he was very sorry and wouldn't do it again".....Surprise surprise she went back. Yeah for me!!!! I believe those elders influenced her decision. I remember her commeting after that experience that elders should have some sort of training in domestic violence issues......The "reality" is that organization does NOT respect women in any way except to do the preaching work and even then it is "ify." If the "governing body" doesn't respect women then how in the world can the "men" (and I use the term loosely) respect women including their wives????? Think about it.......
let me get this right, abuse is OK but if one mate doesn't believe in WT then all bets are off? |
THANK YOU... I was thinking the EXACT same thing.
I went with my wife last night to that book study after our daughter had her soccer practice. Needless to say, I had another "Please pass the Jelly moment" when we got up to sing the last song. My daughter had thrown the song book to the row of seats ahead of us and my wife would not let her (or me) get it until the song started. Then I said, "Go get it," in what I thought was a normal volume voice (as opposed to a whisper) because everyone was standing up to sing the song. Immediately, my wife said, "Could you have said that any louder?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xBydH93eDY
Concerning the song itself, the entire first stanza seem to talk about Satan being thrown from Heaven and Christ beginning His 'invisible reign' and the way the song flowed I could not help but to add before the chorus, "in nine-teen-four-teen!" I then realized that I was probably not treating her with the respect that I would expect her to treat me with so I tried to fall more in line.
I guess my main concern is that given the six years we were married and the first few years of it being extremely stressful. Then lately dealing with one instance where she actually put the feelings of a JW friend of hers (some chick she had just recently met) above mine own (her husband of six years). Meanwhile, dealing with my own feelings regarding my own Christian beliefs (marred by the WT teachings) only to think that inspite of all that I invested in this marraige, it can be destroyed if ever my wife begins to think I am a 'spiritual threat' to her.
As icing on the cake, during the book study and talk from the CO, I notice in the back of the song book a few songs listed under the heading "Theocratic Warfare." If I recall, they allow there witnesses to lie (even under oath) when a witness believes he or she is engaged in this. Reminds me of the accounts of Jesus where He never lied while being tried by Pontias Pilate and how the Bible describes Him as never having "any deceit in his mouth." (Isaiah 53:9) Yet they call themselves Christians.
Needless to say, I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride for the past 5 months.
| The "reality" is that organization does NOT respect women in any way except to do the preaching work and even then it is "ify." |
You know, I find it interesting that before we went into the Kingdom Hall for that meeting my wife told me that when she was little she use to envy the boys in the congregation. I asked her why and she told me because they would get to do all kinds of neat things like carry the microphone, operate the sound equipment, etc.. I said, hmmm, funny because at the church I attend women do all kinds of things such as help set up the instruments for playing the songs, even playing in the band, and teach Sunday school. While we don't ordain women pastors or have women elders in accords with the Bible, we do have several women deacons heading various functions within the church such as the church thrift store, and the food banks, among other things.
I then asked her if she recalls food being served at the Assemblies. Her eyes lit up, "Yes, I use to love eating the food served at the assemblies!" Then I asked, "Couldn't you have volunteered to cook in the kitchen then?" She said yes but was never interested in doing that.
I haven't seen the article, but I suspect this may be being blown out of context. Of course, whenever you give unsolicited personal advice, you open yourself up. However, how many spouses of either sex can say they've never slapped their mate? I'm not saying it's right or should be encouraged, but that doesn't mean I think any slapping is a separable offense. And no, I've never hit anyone.
JOHN DOE- You asked, " How many spouses of either sex can say they've never slapped their mate ? " John- Probably a hell of a lot of people have never slapped their mates- male or female. I've never slapped a woman, nor would I ever. It's abuse. Period. Slapping may be acceptable in cultures in the middle east where sadly men denigrate women horribly - but it's usually thought of as abusive in the United States.
BLUES BROTHER - Just because the WT society prints up articles claiming they teach men to respect women and treat them like Jesus did his disciples - doesn't mean the elders ENFORCE what has been written by the WT society. A lot of what they publish is just for show - they don't apply what they teach the rank and file witness.
My JW sister divorced an abusive JW husband after suffering for 20 years in a loveless marriage. This guy was a piece of work. He beat her so badly that he damaged her sex organs after raping her that she could never physically be intimate with another man, ever. He used illegal drugs, cheated on her with sisters in the congregation, and basically made her life a living hell. The elders " pearl of wisdom " advice to her, " Well sister, you must be doing something to make your husband angry . You need to work on being a better wife. " Where do these guys come from ? So basically my sister for the last 20 years sees a psychiatrist regularly and has suffered from post- traumatic stress disorder for years. She'll never be the same as she was in her youth before she met the " husband from hell". And we have the WT society and brain dead elders to thank for it by NOT being responsible and allowing crap like that abuse to continue. It's an IMPERFECT ORGANIZATION run by WICKED PEOPLE
