Are Jehovah's Witness men good catches?

by garyneal 77 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  greenie

  I agree, DGP, about Gary not knowing what he was getting into. I never quite understand the full rational of a JW that wants to be active pursuing a non-JW. I'll have to ask mine more about this. I think anyone not formerly with the organization would have no idea what all it involves - back to the lifestyle concept. Maybe they think because they're so sure it's the truth that there's no way you wouldn't see it too, or maybe they think you wouldn't be involved with the religious upbringing of kids, or maybe they think because holidays are both despicable and not a big deal to them that they'll be easy for you to let go. Maybe they think by being with you, they can save you at Armageddon. Or maybe they just don't think about it at all. I don't know.

  Just keep in mind Gary and DGP that you're below their level according to some margin of society's rules and standards. By most people's you're probably a great catch.
• 

  Butterflyleia85

  GaryNeal, well I would say it was good! I liked my step dad cause he wasn't as stricted as my mom. My step dad had kids from his first marriage and well the holiday thing was interesting... mom and him came to an agreement and we had family get togethers during holidays where there was preasants and stuff but no holiday decrations. He said bad words and went out drinking but he took us to amusment parks, went camping, etc. as a family; mom took us to the meetings, gave us good morals, but let us know that certain things are a conscience matter.

  We were fine, I think certain areas are more liberal then others. When mom was married to my step dad we lived in a small town in New York and the hall had alot of problems with teens getting into drugs and they said bad words. Back at home in Indiana up north they were strict, straight laced teens. Down where Indianapolis is you can find alot of drinking parting etc going on with the teens. So really it depends on how the local hall is were you live, and the area around you, city, small town, etc. I think that makes a difference. Some elders are more liberal then others and wont intervene as much with your personal life, others well and that's another reason why I moved.
• 

  dgp

  Greenie, you raise an interesting point. "My" witness has some real virtues, which she thinks are due to the society, not to herself. I praised her on those virtues, as they were, really, what got me attracted to her. She always said she wondered how come "people" can't get to see that the witnesses are the happiest people on earth. She didn't try to talk to me about her religion, or take me to a Kingdom Hall, until she knew I was interested in her. I didn't get to see a magazine from her before that.

  I suppose that some people will fall for you and then will realize they "can't" be with you unless you join the society. But, it can't be said just like that. First, they will probably lie to themselves thinking that nothing is going on, I'm just being polite with this worldly being, yadda, yadda. Then it gets more serious, when they get to really like you, and that's when they have a problem, as they realize that they are doing what they are NOT supposed to be doing, and that does cause a conflict to them. If only you converted... then the conflict would be over, you'd be spared at Armageddon, and then, Obladi, Oblada, "Happy ever after in the market place..." That's when they start pushing. Gently at first, then they sort of want you to convert after one meeting.

  Butterflyleia85, your mother seemed to really love your step-father. She tried to compromise. That doesn't seem to be the case with me or Gary Neal, or most witnesses. Or Confuzzled, or Greenie.

  Greenie, thank you. You must be a good catch, too. If only the brother realized of that...
• 

  garyneal

  Just keep in mind Gary and DGP that you're below their level according to some margin of society's rules and standards.

  That use to bother me, but now I know it is just a thing of their's. I guess they tend to look at you on the outside only. My JW in-laws seem pretty nice and according to some standards, one could say they are 'below' my level. But I guess in either case, it is really best not to judge. One thing, for certain, we are all below God's level.

  Just remember, when I am at a meeting in the Kingdom Hall, I'm almost certain to have a 'please pass the jelly moment.' Maybe I am just not classy enough to be a witness.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xBydH93eDY

  I think the first time I was bothered by it was when I was first dating the woman who became my wife. She told me that her father told her that she 'lowered her standards' when he learned of our dating.

  At the time when I met her I was very tolerant of other peoples beliefs and respected their beliefs. I think I was a bit too tolerant in this regard. Not to say that we should not be tolerant of other people's beliefs, but if your beliefs are important to you then you should be careful to choose a mate who has similar beliefs to yours. In a way, I did not know what to expect, I kind of thought of JW's as Christians that just did not believe in Hell or celebrate Christmas. The fact that I had a JW friend who celebrated 'Friendship Day' on Dec 25 and my wife celebrated Christmas too made me think that JW's could be open to practice it in some form.

  Butterfly:

  My wife and I grew up in a small city and moved out together to a much larger city due to job prospects. In the smaller city, I would think the witnesses were more strict and had a greater tendency to gossip. The elder at my wife's current KH is a very nice man and so is his wife. When my wife and I now talk about what a JW is suppose to be like, I just say, "I don't know what a JW is suppose to be like. I only know what a Christian is suppose to be like. But the elder of your KH seems to be a good one and your mom has good christian traits as well." When my wife says that JW are suppose to be good christians, I say, "Well they have good goals then."

  dgp:

  My mother-in-law was a witness when she met her husband, he wasn't one at the time and she would not get involved with him unless he studied and become a witness. He did so and they have been married now for over 25 years. He is not as 'spiritual' as she is but he did manage to climb to the ranks of MS and was offered the title of elder which he turned down for now. I think for someone who really wants to be in a witness family, then being as uncompromising as she helped when selecting her mate. I guess we could all learn from that example regardless of our faith. She was true to herself and true about herself to her potential husband.

  Butterflyleia85, your mother seemed to really love your step-father. She tried to compromise. That doesn't seem to be the case with me or Gary Neal, or most witnesses.

  I really need to state for the record that in spite of the differences my wife and I have, we are still very compatible in many ways. I think if we could remove the religion from our lives, we'd almost be the perfect pair.

  At times she is very uncompromising and very stubborn and it irks me to no end. But at times, I can be a complete butt-hole as well. But I still find myself a bit dismayed when she asserts the Society's position concerning issues that can be really dangerous (blood). I try to present a balanced view over this, even stating how the Society is on point about the risks of disease and the 'overuse' of blood similar to how some doctors over-perscribe anti-biotics. I just try also to point out how it can be deadly to deny blood in extreme cases. Plus I point out their hypocritical stance on allowing blood fractions but not allowing witnesses to donate.

  I suspect that she will eventually run into her own cognitive dissonance but I hope it does not take a drastic situation for her to to have to confront this. May the Lord help us both find the truth about Him and His purpose for us.

  Thanks for the replies everyone. My wife just had her IUD removed so we may be blessed with another child in the near future.
• 

  dgp

  Gary, then you have help at home. Your father-in-law can help you manage. I wonder if you notice that you have another advantage, namely that you rmother-in-law was also involved with a non-witness. I assume the family JUST KNOWS that we're all not that bad. I don't have good feelings about the father. I am afraid he should be more honest and forgiving with someone who is just like he was at some point.

  I do hope you two find a way to stay happily married. If the child comes, please let us know.

  Hang around and keep posting.

  Three million cheers for you
• 

  Butterflyleia85

  At the time when I met her I was very tolerant of other peoples beliefs and respected their beliefs. I think I was a bit too tolerant in this regard. Not to say that we should not be tolerant of other people's beliefs, but if your beliefs are important to you then you should be careful to choose a mate who has similar beliefs to yours. In a way, I did not know what to expect, I kind of thought of JW's as Christians that just did not believe in Hell or celebrate Christmas. The fact that I had a JW friend who celebrated 'Friendship Day' on Dec 25 and my wife celebrated Christmas too made me think that JW's could be open to practice it in some form.

  Many guys I secretly dated when I was JW was too, very respectful and excepting of my beliefs!

  Sometimes Witness girls are desprate. Like I said we really just want a normal guy and it just seemed like all the good guys were taken. I was 18 and already my friends were dating getting married. There was none left. I just found out that this girl my sister's age (19) just married the guy I was thinking about dating (33). At the time I felt I wasn't spiritually strong enough for him. He was a pioneer and getting ready to be a Elder (going through the process called ministeral servant).

  One thing that I would be scared of now is if I raised a child a JW is the blood issue and Disfellowshipment (if their friends at the halls had to start shunning her/him). I did deep research which scared me.... There are things I found out about the JW teaching I never knew.... I feel a little decieved as I was raised a JW. Now I decided not to go back.

  It's good you don't judge your wife or hold her beliefs against her. Seriously her actions are alot to do with how she was raised. She is a firm believer and like many, almost all, they will not change that. My fiance for months as we were dating said, "Well if you need that, I don't want to keep you from your religion, I just don't want to lose you, I love you." "I feel like sometimes you are going to choose your religion over me." These were trigger words that made me realize I can't do this to him. I have to decide one way or another. If I choose my religion, I don't know how easy are lifes are going to be. I mean I have a hard time preaching "my religion" (my fiance still calls it my religion even though I don't go anymore) as of now, if I go back I will try, subconsciously, to turn him into a JW. I never would tell him this or admit to this but I honestly felt if I wanted to save his life that is what I had to do. So I needed to decide!

  The other post I sent to you when I said "Don't tell my fiance... but Yes" is because he constantly to this day says "You wish I was a Jehovah Witness don't you!!" Jokingly. I'm thinking in my head, geez No I would have been stuck with the nerds and controling A-holes (not many to choose from). But then I start picturing this "perfect for me" Jehovah Witness in my head that my friends got married to... And my mouth speaks (thinking this alone is not good but speaking..geez even worse) I'm like "Well sorta but not really I'm glad I found you, if I wanted a Witness I would still be in and seriously they aren't as wonderful as you! You are respectful, muture, loving, fun, and I know you would never judge me!" Then he says "Well sorta?!? hmm ok" smiles and we finish watching are movie. What brings that on I have no clue, but he does that from time to time.
• 

  creativhoney

  I honestly think that religion has nothing to do with it. there are several types in the religion - the holier than thou - who no one would want to be the wife of, the coasters, who are probably ok, and the double lifers, - who wants to marry someone who lies and pretends to ge godly when they arent?

  I think i agree with most on here who say A JW man may be a good choice for a JW woman, but there is no way I could marry someone and suddlenly allow them to come in my life at my age and 'be in charge' of me just because I have a vagina.

  thats insane.
• 

  dgp

  Creativhoney, one question. I assume you're no longer a witness. From you post, would it be safe to assume that, if you were one, you wouldn't marry a JW man anyways? Because that would mean that a JW man would NOT be a good catch for you, even if your lifestyles were similar. Can I have your thoughts on this?
• 

  kurtbethel

  I have caught some of them in many lies.

  Many of them get caught indulging in porn and non consensual sexual practices.

  I do not know if they are good catches, but I know it is good that as many of them as possible get caught.
• 

  finallyfree!

  Most jw men are pushovers. All their wives ( women are so smart) use the whole "ill call the elders" reel-in when we get too vocal about anything that's not going our way and we just go along cuz we don't want the elders involved. Notice I speak in the first person as I was one of those guys and I think most former jws who've been out long enough all would agree that's how things went down. Especially if you weren't the super spiritual jw, cuz the elders were already partial to you cuz of your field service bringing down the congregation average lol! Its only leading up to my seperation and leaving the borg that you don't give a sh!t and that's when I grew balls and became a man. Can you imagine grown men afraid of other men. I'd swear they were the mob or something!!