by minimus 35 Replies latest jw friends
UC, you were an apostate long before you knew!
Yes...there's some merit to that statement. I pretended as best I could but deep, deep down inside, something in me knew better. I just wasn't strong enough to stand up for my inner thoughts or feelings. I let the indoctrination rule how I lived.
Many wasted years...
I was sort of indifferent - when people would ask what I was, and I told them "a JW", they would inevitably respond with a "I never would've guessed". NOT sure if that meant I was acting worldly or whatever, or if they were just judging me based off how I looked/carried myself. But it never bothered me much.
I was raised in the JW Cult..
It was a constant source of embarrassment..
.......................... ...OUTLAW
Depended on what time of the month it was.....
Heh
In all seriousness..... sometimes yes sometimes no. I think there were aspects of it that I was proud of. But it wasn't a 'good' sense of pride. To be perfectly, unfortunately honest, it was a feeling of "I'm better than you <raspberries> and you suck."
I think it filled some sort of dark, emptiness that was not being filled otherwise. That sense of esteem that I was searching for, most specifically as a young person. Deep down I was NOT proud of that part of me or of the religion.
Other times, when I saw how it could really 'help' people find 'true' happiness, I was proud of that. I thought that that is what it was supposed to be about. Helping others. That was something I was proud of.
The further away I get from the religion, the more I see how it mirrors some of the stranger cultic religions that suck people in with promises of family, happiness and being special.....
I was born in too, and my story is WORD FOR WORD the same as Undercover's ! Ashamed, never left books in sight, etc etc EXACTLY the same !
It is kind of a comfort to learn that I am not alone, and I recognize more and more that I was an apostate long before I finally woke up.
I am with Undercover too on "so many wasted years", 58 in my case, but YO BRO ! The future is ours to do what we want with !
Love,
Wobble
[...]"'Church members...are responsible for what the church says and does.' So ask yourself: Am I willing to share responsibility for everything my church says and does? Can I really be proud of having all its members as spiritual brothers?"
Awake!, 9/8/87, pages 10,11.
I was more embarrassed or ashamed. It's hard to explain, but even as a child, something never felt right about it. When I was an adult and trying to adhere to the beliefs that I was raised with, I hid my identity as JW more than I ever publicized it. The only time I ever willingly identified myself as a JW was in the door to door work. Outside of service if I was forced into a situation where I had to admit I was one, it was embarrassing.
I did little things in everyday life that were also telling...like never leaving my Bible or meeting books or bookbags visible in the car. They always went in the trunk or behind the seat in my truck. Nothing WT related was ever left at work. If religion came up in conversation with co-workers, school mates or just people I met somewhere, I avoided getting involved.
Exactly the same for me
I was proud to be a witness and to be known as one. Now I cringe with shame if anyone says Im a witness, and I just say 'actually I WAS, Im not now'.
At the end, I enjoyed telling people I was a Witness, especially if I were at a bar or with my "worldly" aquaintances.
Good Lord, Minimus! I got dragged in by parents at the age of 12 and I was mortified to be a witness all through school. Later on, was finally brainwashed enough to go through the motions, but still actually ashamed of the sheer and utter weirdness of it all.
