Mother's Letter To Start Off The New Year...

by silentlambs 87 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  silentlambs

  I received this letter from my mother over the weekend, it came with a card and a special note to my children. I plan to let them read it someday, not today....

  silentlambs

  DECEMBER 20,2001

  DEAR SON,

  I HAVE WRITTEN YOU MANY LETTERS AND TORN THEM UP. YOUR DECISION TO REJECT THE WAY OF LIFE WE TAUGHT YOU HAS BEEN LIKE A DEATH IN THE FAMILY.

  WE HAVE SUFFERED FROM ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AND GRIEF. IT HAS BEEN DEVASTATING TO US. WE HAVE LOST YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED SO I CAN'T JUDGE YOU; ONLY JEHOVAH CAN SEE YOUR HEART AND MOTIVES. I CAN ONLY GO ON YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD US, AND THE LACK OF RESPECT YOU HAVE SHOWN US IN WORD AND DEED FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS NOW. IT APPEARS YOU HONESTLY HATE EVERYTHING WE ARE AND ENJOY HURTING US.
  I FOUND A LETTER YOU WROTE US WHEN YOU WERE IN BETHEL IT WAS SO REFRESHING AND SWEET, I JUST CRIED AND ASK MYSELF WHERE DID THIS PERSON GO? IT COMFORTS ME TO THINK THAT PERSON IS STILL INSIDE YOU SOMEWHERE, AND WILL SOME DAY COME BACK TO US. IT’S A FUNNY THING BUT A MOTHER JUST CAN'T TURN OFF THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR HER CHILDREN. I HAVE TRIED BUT IT JUST KEEPS POPPING UP, BUT WHAT REALLY HURTS IS NOW IT APPEARS WE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TALK AGAIN, BECAUSE WE WILL PROBABLY NEVER AGREE ON ANYTHING.

  WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE IS WHETHER YOU ARE RIGHT OR WE ARE RIGHT ABOUT PEOPLE GETTING EVERLASTING LIFE. ONL Y TIME AND ARMAGEDON WILL PROVE THE TRUTH. WE BELIEVE WITH ALL OUR HEARTS YOU HAVE DESTROYED YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. LIVING WITH THAT EVERY DAY IS THE WORST PAIN A PARENT CAN ENDURE. MAYBE THAT WILL HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHY IT’S SO PAINFUL ON US TO BE AROUND YOU. HEARING YOU PRAISE THE WORLD AND ITS WAYS IS LIKE WATCHING YOU EAT PIOSON EVERY DAY, AND ALL WE CAN DO IS WATCH.

  IF YOU EVER SEE THE WORLD AS WE DID (WE HATED EVERY MINUTE) WE WILL BE WAITING WITH OPEN ARMS. I JUST PRAY IT DOESN'T CRUSH YOU BEFORE YOU CAN RECOVER.

  I LOVE YOU, MOM.

  Next: note to the children,

  DECEMBER 20, 2001

  DEAR GRANDCHILDREN,

  I HAVE WANTED TO WRITE OR CALL YOU MANY TIMES BUT ASSUMED YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HEAR FROM US BECAUSE WE ARE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES. I AM VERY SORRY FOR ANY PAIN YOUR PARENTS HAVE SUFFERED FROM BETRAYAL OF ANY SPIR1TUALL Y WEAK WITNESS. ONLY JEHOVAH CAN JUDGE THAT SITUATION, I CAN'T. I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WE LOVE JEHOVAH AND APPRECIATE ALL HE HAS DONE FOR US IN OUR LIVES. HE TAUGHT US ABOUT THE NEW WORLD, THE MEANING OF THE LORDS PRAYER, WHAT THE TRINITY IS, AND THAT THERE'S NO BURNING HELL, AND THAT JESUS IS HIS FIRST BORN SON, AND MANY OTHER THINGS ABOUT THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT, AND GOOD MORALS. IT HAS HELPED US SO MUCH IN OUR LIVES. THE WORLD WIDE BROTHERHOOD. WE CAN GO TO FLORIDA, HAWAII, ANY WHERE IN THE WORLD AND HAVE SOMEONE TO VISIT AND TALK TO THAT TREATS US KIND BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE IN JEHOVAH. THESE ARE SOME OF THE REASONS WE COULD NEVER LEAVE JEHOV AH OR THE ORGANIZATION HE USES ON EARTH TO SHARE THESE COMFORTING TRUTHS.

  GRANDDAUGHTER, I KNOW YOU ARE A TEENAGER NOW AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE YOUR MAIN CONCERN. I UNDERSTAND THAT. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THRU I CAN ONLY TELL YOU I LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY AND IF YOU EVER NEED YOUR GRANDPARENTS WE WILL BE HERE FOR YOU. IF YOU CAN'T STAND JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES THEN YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T WANT TO COME SEE US, BUT IF YOU EVER SEE THE WORLD AS GRAMPS AND I DID PERHAPS YOU WILL WANT TO KNOW US. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE AND IF YOU REMEMBER YOUR VISITS WITH US YOU WILL REMEMBER WE TRIED VERY HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

  GRANDSON, I THINK WE COULD HAVE BEEN REAL CLOSE, YOU REMIND ME OF MY FATHER, WHOM I ADORED, YOUR PARENTS WOULDN'T ALLOW ME TO HAVE YOUR OVER THE TIME'S I ASK. I'M SURE THEY HAD THEIR REASONS, BUT WE NEVER REALLY GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER. SO LIFE HAS DEALT US A DISAPPOINTING BLOW, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU'LL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO ME AND GRAMPS AND PERHAPS SINCE WE ARE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES YOU MAY NOT ENJOY OUR COMPANY ANYMORE, BUT IF YOU EVER FEEL ABOUT THE WORLD AS WE DO MAYBE YOU'LL WANT TO KNOW US THEN.

  WE ARE OLDER NOW IT'S GOING TO BE UP TO YOU THE GRANDCHILDREN TO COME TO SEE US IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR GENE'S ON OUR SIDE. I SAW THIS CARD AND IT MADE ME THINK OF YOU. I DO THINK OF YOU EVERY DAY, SOMETIMES IT HURTS BECAUSE OF OUR CIRCUMSTANCES BUT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

  I SEND MY LOVE AND BEST WISHES, GRANDMOTHER
• 

  TweetieBird

  It sounds just like my own mother and mother-in-law. The guilt trip is laced into every other sentence.

  Try to hang in there, maybe someday your parents will see the organization for what it really is. I don't know how old your parents are, it may be too late for them to change. It would probably be too devastating for them to see the real truth. In the case of my own mother, it would crush her. When someone has devoted 50+ years to an organizaation, and then find out that it was not what they thought it was, could be too much to bear.

  You are doing a good thing. Please try to remember that.
• 

  Farkel

  silentlambs,

  Tragically pathetic. My heart goes out to you and your wife and family. That is exactly what my mother has said and written, too. It could have come from the same script. "Poor us. You did it to us. It's all your fault. God will kill you and your children, but we LOVE you." Sad.

  What's even sadder is that your father LIED for his religion on camera regarding his awareness of child molestation and probably didn't even realize it.

  The Watchtower religion has mastered the art of creating doublethink in its members. If any judgement is to be meted out, it is THEY who will face the most severe of judgements. It is THEY who are the family wreckers. Not God. Not what's in the Bible. No. It's the Watchtower Corporation who is evil.

  For what it's worth, have a great New Year and may next year be prosperous and happy for you and yours.

  Farkel
• 

  larc

  Bill,

  That is a heart rending letter. I know the situation gives you and your mother great pain. I don't know what you can write back to her. The only thing I can think of is to tell her how much you love her and what a good mother she has been to you. She probably feels enormous guilt with your leaving, as if there was something that she could have done as a mother to prevent it.

  I wish I could offer more, but I don't know what else to say.
• 

  JT

  thanks for sharing that letter and You can only feel sorry for them

  the indoctrination process of wt is truly powerful

  here is a great book for anyone who is having problems with loved ones who try to use EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

  this is a book that i really recommend to any JW and women esp

  james

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• 

  silentlambs

  I have tried the kind route, it just makes them feel they are right. The interesting part is I am not DF or DA nor have I challenged any JW doctrine. I have not been kicked out of the organization as the Society has no basis to do so. Yet my parents seem to have written my family and I off anyway. Well I thought about it for a couple of days and wrote the letter below tonight. Instead of trying to ignore the barbs, I thought I would just write back to them the way I truly feel. No tricks, no games, no hidden agendas, just the plain truth.

  silentlambs

  December 31, 2001

  Dear Mom and Dad,

  I recently received your letter in the mail and all I can say is, WOW! How easy it has become to spew such venom based on conditional love. Let’s see if I have this straight unless we agree to the “condition” of being "quiet" Jehovah’s Witnesses you never want to be around your grandchildren, speak with your son, speak to your grandchildren, and we are dead. Yet you really, really love us, at least the children and I, did you forget my wife?

  You have never “lost” me, as I have never forbidden you to see, call, or share our lives in anyway. You see you have made a choice and then you try to blame it on me. Your choice has made you lose so much, yet you blindly choose to allow cult mind control to prevent you from being part of our lives. It therefore forces me to make one stipulation, if and when you decide to be part of our lives. Please do not discuss JW doctrine with my family as I think it is not productive and a source of contention. I believe your twisted viewpoint would be objectionable even to the Society and I do not wish the children to be exposed to this type of destructive thinking. On the other hand, if you wish to talk about positive things and enjoy being with your family you are welcome at anytime, our arms are always open to you.

  Do you really believe God will bless you for acting this way? Will regualr pioneering absolve you of your actions against your family? Is this how you define the word love? The bible offers a definition you seem to have forgotten:
  1 Corinthians 13:1-8 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but do not have love, I have become a sounding [piece of] brass or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophesying and am acquainted with all the sacred secrets and all knowledge, and if I have all the faith so as to transplant mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my belongings to feed others, and if I hand over my body, that I may boast, but do not have love, I am not profited at all. Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

  So as you move your mountains for the WT Society just remember it means NOTHING if you do not have love. Your love appears to be suffering and unkind, (you tell us we will be destroyed) looking for its own interests,(you say we can only be around you on your terms) easily provoked, keeping account of perceived injury, (you continue to recall events you caused five years ago and blame me for all the wrong) rejoices with lies, (you serve leaders who are lying hypocrites that hurt children) bears nothing, (you say be a JW or we disown you) believes only the worst, (you say we are going to be destroyed for protecting children) you offer no hope, you give up on me and my children, (you tell my children unless they leave their parents you want no part of them)your actions prove to me beyond any doubt your love is a “clashing cymbal” because you suffer from cult mind control. I am sad for you and all you miss by not having biblical love for your son and his family. If you ever wish to cut back on literature placements and show real love by spending some of that "service" time with those who share your blood and really do care about you, you are welcome at anytime. You see our love is not “conditioned” on cult mind control.

  Your son
• 

  cornish

  Your letter addresses the real problems,there is no nice way of telling anyone they are being duped by a manipulative cult,they speak to you of 'The horrible world,'but demonstate in their letter one of the worlds biggest problems,prejudice due to sectarianism,they cannot accept you if you dont embrace their religion,if you are not in our religious club we cannot accept you and treat you as family or even as a decent normal human,very loving,eh!
• 

  larc

  Bill,

  Don't send that letter. I know it is how you feel, but sending it will only make matters worse. Take a few days and cool off.

  I assume your mother knows you are out because of the child abuse issue. What does she think/feel about this central issue?
• 

  LB

  I have to agree with larc. Don't send the letter. Mom's letter was a result of years of brainwashing and emotionalism. She's a mom, scared, angry, but still a mom. Your mom. My JW son wrote me off a month ago. Gave me a very emotional phone call and followed it up with a nasty letter. I only responded once, I wrote him a short note and told him just this...." I love you". Today he called in tears. Said he understands how I feel. It took 3 weeks after sending him that note for him to respond.

  I feel I took the high road. Today my son followed me there. Yes he's going to stay a JW. But I have hopes. His bitchy wife, the "friends" nor anyone else could keep him away.

  Let mom stay on the low road for now. No reason to join her there. A short note like I sent was easy to understand and there were now hidden meanings, no agenda or anything else that could be twisted.

  Go slow......

  
  Never Squat With Yer Spurs On
• 

  Sam Beli

  Bill, may I be frank (I have received letters from my dad with a similar tone. He is an 80+ year old “Society Man” with whom I can have no substantive discussions on any subject. Like you I get nowhere with him)?

  I would think long and hard before sending your letter for several reasons:

  1. You seem to contradict yourself when you say to them “don’t talk about JW doctrine” because you claimed above to have never challenged JW doctrine. They will not understand that stipulation. Besides, it might be interesting if they do talk about such matters with your children. Children have a way of zeroing in on the heart of issues sometimes. It could be valuable to both parties.

  2. As true as your statements are about “Society Men’ being hypocrites, and about the WTS being a cult, and about mind control being an impediment to clear thinking among JWs, these words will only antagonize them further.

  I am no expert, Bill, in these matters, but I know something about what does not work. I have tried some of these statements on my parents and it only made matters worse.

  My dad sent me a letter over a month ago and I have not read it yet. My wife glanced at it and asked me not to read it, because she knew it would upset me too much. It is full of so much hate. Some day I will read it, but for now I am trying to “kill them with kindness.” Kindness probably will not work either, but at least I am feeling better about treating them that way.

  Maybe some day they will see it my way …., but probably not. Mean time, they have the joy of living in their fantasy world. Destroying that world of theirs is more than they can probably take.

  We know the real truth and we are the bigger people if we show them continues kindness, even in the face of their abusive treatment of us. If there is a God, he will judge these and all matters in his due time.

  P.S. Bill, we all respect immensely your work on behalf of the Silent lambs.

  Sam Beli

  I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind. What is crooked cannot be straightened and what is lacking cannot be counted. Solomon