by silentlambs 87 Replies latest jw friends
"There is no need for the Society to have supplied his mother with a 'form letter' as some seem to think. "
I mentioned that. I meant that it seemed like a JW form letter, and she wrote it as such. Cold, to the point.
What you wrote about appealing to the JW's heart, as her son only, and not biblically, is so true.
ashi
Ashi,
Sometimes on JW.com, JWs are as vilified as exJWs are in the magazines and at the Kingdom Hall. What is often forgotten is that people are people. We are... so are JWs.
My point is: Bill's mom, if she's 'normal,' misses her son and his family. Believe me, she loves them and sees them in a bad situation (to HER). In the letter ... yeah, it's bullshit... we know that, but still, she's trying to reach him the only way she thinks she can -- with the truth, the bible. He's trying to answer back in the same way. Neither one will succeed and everyone, especially his kids, will loose. They will miss out on the special love and association that only grandparents can give. Now THAT is the real tragedy.
Bill demands that his mother not talk to her grandkids about the truth. Big mistake. He's wrong and where he got such an idea is a mystery. He should take that idea back to where he found it and leave it there.
Don't get me wrong -- I hate the JW religion and wish it would disappear off the earth. Since it won't, and since my daughter (JJ) goes to the meetings with my wife anyway, it's my intention that JJ be raised around the religion just like I was. The only difference is that JJ will have someone there to tell her, as Paul Harvey says, "The Rest of the Story." JJ will know the whole truth about the truth and won't have to wait till she's 40 to learn it's dark side like I did.
So, bottom line, I have implicit trust when my mother is with JJ. If Mom wants to study the PE book with JJ, take her out in service, teach her WHATEVER from the New World Translation... teejay is COOL with that. Mom LOVES JJ and Mom is free to express it however she chooses. I want my baby girl to grow up with love all around her, including that of my misguided Jehovah's Witness mother. Denying JJ the love of anyone of her family (in or out of the truth) would be a wrong I will not commit.
That's my view, and I'm sticking to it.
Hi Bill,
I am sorry you are putting up with these jabs from your parents and others in this Borg. I am glad your better half is with you - it helps.
I am not you but all I can do is humbly urge patience. I know it is tough, but patience is defintely the word of the day especially when the society puts your parent(s) on TV the way they did.
At times I always get it too from my wannabee JW friend and even my nonJW wife. "Why, they ask, are you always trying to put down these nice innocent people? They don't do that. You are making it all up. They did nothing to you." I have heard these lines a few times now from both of them.
It takes everything in my power not to scream at them that they are killing little kids for crying outloud and I just don't think it is right. I just back off and slowly, very slowly go about my business with the goal in mind that I want to protect these little kids and maybe help a few soles who are still trapped in the Borg.
I think it will get worse for you and your parents before it gets better - you have the big Dateline show coming up - that will be a "real" nail for your parents.
If you can, let it go when they go after you again and remember what your goal is (that you have set in motion) - the protection of little innocent children. And also remember you have this awesome power now Bill that mother (or few on this planet) has (have) not figured out yet - You have found your freedom.
hawk
We know that your Mom didn't send those letters verbatim, but that's okay, I'm sure that you ARE being mistreated by your JW parents.
To relieve some of the stress which you are OBVIOUSLY under, why not drive over to their house and nail a "denunciation" to their front door?
Before leaving, do a couple "doughnuts" in their front yard, then lay blackmarks down their driveway.
That'll teach 'em!
Yep - could have been written by MY mother. Sheesh.
--M
"Any day spent NOT knocking on doors is a good day!"
Thanks again for the different viewpoints and opinions concerning this matter, what is that scripture "in the multitude of counslers there is much good?" or words to that effect. Each person has to take all the facts into consideration before any final decision and I guess that is why we just have to do the best we can with the circumstances at hand. This thread has provoked several helpful suggestions on how to deal with difficult parents. Each suggestion could be useful for for certain situations. These matters are painful to discuss but I think it has a certain therapudic effect to be better prepared the next "letter" you may receive in the mail.
I hold hope someday my parents will come around and do better, it is a small hope but hope just the same. If that day ever comes I will gladly forget the past and try and make the best of the future. I know my parents are not happy, but if they can learn to deal with fundimentals that a loving relationship requires they will be much better people in the end and that is not dependant on them being JW's or not. I believe I have learned in the last year to be open minded when it comes to different belief systems. Jw's disserve no less accomadation they just have to learn to respect the boundaries of each family.
I choose to keep my final decison private so that in the end those with difficult situations who may read this thread can make their decision based on all the good advice offered here. I just hope no one cuts donuts in their parents yard.
Teejay,
I just wanted to say that I'm a young man, and given to rashness. I'm still fighting the JW's, and I'm pretty tired of it. I've reached a good point with my JW parents (they pretty much have just accepted me for what I've become, which is a good man, but not a JW), but my wife's parents are horrible. I think there can be a happy medium reached, in the end, between two people with warring philosophies. Blood is thicker than water, but sometimes other things stand in the way first...hurtful things, like those letters Bill received.
Guilt is one of the worst things to deal with...it's pity, anger, and disgust rolled into one; let's not forget the humiliation.
You're right about my having forgotten that JW's are human. I've had to push them from my mind to be able to not be sad about losing them. Day to day life is hard enough without people ruining what little happiness you can find. For me, demonizing the people as a whole has helped me to cope with the ones who villify me.
I'm also 22, and don't have children to worry about. I have some time to be selfish.
We (those who aren't objective about the JW's) are just caught up in our own anti-JW frenzy, because we know no good way to deal with it.
Thanks for the post.
ashi
Bill,
I want you to know that I have a lot of respect for the stand you have taken and the sacrifice you have been willing to make for the sake of what's right. Please don't take anything I said personally, but DO take it to heart. As well-intentioned as I know you are, like everyone else you have shown signs of loosing your bearings. Hey, after all you've been thru this past year, who wouldn't?!!
It would make my heart glad to one day read that your folks came over, ya'll had a long, heart-to-heart talk, everybody cried their eyes out, and afterwards shared a meal -- beginning to rebuild your relationship w/ your parents... your family. Time is short even at best, and tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. I know you love your family and want to do what's best for them. I know you will. Take care.
Your brother,
tj
