Given that I'm very sensitive emotionally, I tend to avoid mentioning my personal life here if possible, preferring to stick to evaluation of Watchtower publications and doctrine, particularly the newest material I can get my hands on. But I felt it was time to talk again. I hope at least some of you will be gentle.
I'm married now. Today marks 3 weeks since the wedding. She still believes in the organization. I do not. She is the reason I choose to believe in it again. At least outwardly.
Thus far, we have not yet attended any meetings as a couple. She has a daughter, too young to understand much about spirituality, save that she looks at me every time there is a need for a prayer. Guess the headship concept was drummed into her infant mind somehow... Like Darth Vader upon being placed in his walking iron lung, I see that freedom presents itself in the form of a potential apprentice, one perceptive enough to appreciate the true nature of Christianity and to join me. Even so, I don't feel it's my place to interfere in their lives with my ideas. Nothing gives me that right, even if I am correct about my belief that the JW religion is in error.
I only say that because it nearly drove me insane to find out the truth. It led me to make some of the worst choices I've ever made. Things I'll never forgive myself for. Without anything more in my life, it left me with nothing else but an obsession with knowledge itself and a desire to fight back against cults like this. That's no way to live. Why put someone else through it? It may not even make a difference. Just like everything else I've done in life so far.
The more I read of recent material, the more demands for obedience I see from the Governing Body. I have this feeling that something is on the horizon, something that may lead them to ask us all to do something dangerous, detrimental to ourselves. Maybe I'm wrong, but something is out of place. I can feel it. It creates a sense of urgency about getting us all out before it's too late.
Of course, I don't know where we'd go. I know I want to follow Jesus and not some anonymous group of men sitting in front of an open Bible on page 110 of a book they didn't even write but will take credit for. But that's all I know. I have nothing to offer them.
Marriage has been full of ups and downs, joys and pains. I do not look forward to adding JW activities to an already impossible schedule. I am certain it will create serious problems in our relationship, at least unless or until I get "re-educated" according to "Jehovah's viewpoint". But so be it. I wasn't going to do anything with my life anyway, apart from watching movies and being lonely and depressed. At least with her, I'm not alone, and I can just forget about these issues when I'm with her, as needed. I can teach her the doctrine, even go out and recruit others to believe in lies. People who work for political campaigns are no different. It's one form of hypocrisy and lies over another.
Learning the truth about Jehovah's Witnesses convinced me that most of what we do is irrelevant. I always believed that. In this immense universe, we aren't even a stain on the fabric. As Dr. Manhattan wisely put it, "The existence of human life is a highly overrated phenomenon." At least knowing that there is no real true religion confirms that for me.
I gave up on happiness long ago. So this, for me, was the natural choice. The totally, utterly wrong choice by