Excuse me, but you married a believing, active JW knowing that you do not believe and that you don't want to be active, and knowing what it means to a JW that their mate is "inactive"? Are you on crack? I think for someone who knows better to do that is setting everyone involved up for some real hearbreak.
The Story of SD-7 - Chapter 2
by sd-7 25 Replies latest jw friends
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sd-7
On crack? No. Certainly not. The future is uncertain. There is no way of knowing for sure that this cannot work. Besides, I'm not really inactive. I've used plenty of opportunities to share the good news with people at work, so I'd count the time for that if anyone asked. As for the meetings, we'll be going back this week. Problem solved.
Dude, it's just a program. If a Communist spy can do it, and do it well enough to get a position, I think I can at least stay afloat. I've been doing this all my life, after all.
Regardless of what I believe, if it reaches an impasse, worst case scenario, I'll be going with her to every single meeting and beside her all the way. I'm beside her no matter what. I don't have to believe in it to support her or to love her. But if that's going to be make-or-break for us, then I'll surrender. I did this because I wasn't going to let the Society take her away from me. If that's insane, or crack-induced, call it what you like.
I am determined not to break her heart with my personal beliefs. As long as I adhere strictly to the Bible, I believe we can find a way through. It cost me 5 years of my life to get her back, and that's all that matters. If I must, I'll just get reprogrammed. At the very least, some good is and can still be accomplished inside this religion.
And it's a lot bigger than just her anyway. So, HappyGuy, while your criticism is noted and is no doubt similar to my own serious concerns, I have nothing else left to go to. The world they set up made it that way. Not everyone will understand what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. But I'm convinced that this needs to happen for a reason, even if I myself don't know the reason.
I would appreciate a more tactful tone in the future, though. We're here because we've been through enough already. Let's not make it harder with needlessly hurtful statements. Thank you.
SD-7
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HappyGuy
A more tactful tone? LOL Whatever dude, I tell you what I just won't talk to you. Geeze louise.
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sd-7
Good idea. Hopefully anyone else who prefers to speak in such a manner will follow your example.
SD-7
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goldensky
Dear sd-7,
My heart broke when I read your post. None of us have the right to judge you. Your options were clear: 1. Freedom without her. 2. Her without freedom. Either option was tough, neither being preferable to the other and both requiring lots of inner strength. You had to choose one and chose the second. I don't see why you should feel uneasy about it. Now that you've made your decision, don't look back. As you yourself say:
"At the very least, some good is and can still be accomplished inside this religion".
I fully agree. Concentrate on the good you can do from inside the organisation and enjoy her love to the full: she is your reward.
Be happy, sd-7. You are in no way less that any of us here. We are all heroes in our own way.
Hugs, Goldensky.
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sd-7
Thanks, Goldensky. That means a lot.
SD-7
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BluesBrother
Hi Sd-7..I have read your post with concern and empathy.
I know your concern..as you say "Why let the WTS take her away?" My wife is a believer. I attend a lot of meetings with her . It is indeed no big deal when you have been used to it all your life.
The big difference is that she knows exactly how I feel. There is no deception and we simply agree to differ . (well, we often argue but, who doesn't?) I would not have a marriage that is based on deception. I do not mind if the dubs think that that I am a well disposed husband, but I would not hide my beliefs at home. It is not right and a recipe for disaster.
But you are your own man. I wish you well and I can certainly empathise with your problems. Maybe Sister SD-7 will see the light one day?
Hang on in there mate !
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nugget
It is always hard to know what to do for the best and any post can only summarise a situation so it is unfair to be judgemental. There is no quick fix in this situation it is a long haul.
You know that this faith is more than a religon it is a demanding way of life. When you truly believe that the answers are real and the hope a reality the sacrifices make sense. Without that certainty they mean less than nothing.
You have a new life starting but also responsibility for a young and impressionable child you have a new mission to ensure that opportunities are not lost for them.
Your analogy of a spy is appropriate although it is not so easy at meetings when you start to notice the high control statements and rhetoric to keep up the facade.
I wish you luck.
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Black Sheep
I was brought up as a child of this cult and I can assure you that it does matter if you convert someone who has children, or will have children.
If you help make a convert by your actions, you just make more innocent child victims.
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sd-7
Let's address these posts one at a time.
BluesBrother--cool shades. I may not have spelled it out here, but I did inform her of my research and my belief that this religion uses mind control. Her defense was that everybody uses it--the media, etc., etc. Rather than making this belief the difference between losing her (again, after 5 long years of aching and waiting to get her back and going through emotional torture), and keeping her, I chose to subdue my personal beliefs on the matter. The context of this must also be considered--I am only one of 10+ family members involved in the religion, including most of my immediate family. One doesn't lightly walk away from that forever. Those factors weighed heavily on my choice. And yes, all of this is a recipe for disaster. It's a suicide mission. But it's the last mission I have left. So I embrace it. But thanks for your thoughts.
Nugget--I agree. There are huge matters at stake. It won't be easy. But I've got nothing left. I can at least try to give my life to preserving the family I've always wanted, whatever the cost. If I fail, so be it. But freedom, as valuable as it is, is not worth losing her forever. Not to me. That's why I stay and fight. And given the human wreckage this religion has left in its wake, I'd be questioning my conscience if I didn't stay to monitor their activities. And...spies don't have an easy life. See 'Alias: The Complete Series'--the inspiration for my screen name, of course.
Black Sheep--I see your point. I did say I would go out and recruit others, but I didn't say how hard I would try. ;) And not everyone suffers as many here have suffered. Even so, I am aware of the possible moral implications of my choices. But all of this is a huge gray area. None of us is particularly exempt from being victimized in one way or another. It's just a matter of who's victimizing you. Somewhere, wherever you are, is the guy with the biggest metaphorical [or literal] gun who draws the lines for you and takes your lunch money. We work for him no matter how free and autonomous we try to be. That's the nature of this world. The best I can do is suck at recruiting--which I've had no trouble sucking at thus far. I don't want to make any more victims or victims of victims. But I'm not going to destroy my family on account of possible futures. Statistically speaking, the odds of my actions leading to someone becoming a JW are....holy crap...
SD-7