Would love to hear how. I'm sure many others here would also.
Anyone here who left JWs, and then their spouse left later as well?
by JimmyPage 22 Replies latest jw friends
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troubled mind
I don't think my story is the common one for fading ,and I feel very sad for those that have mates still active after they have left .
Over the period of about a year i started investigating my doubts on the web . I knew several months ahead that I was going to leave .What kept me active was the fact my husband and three young adult children were all active witnesses ,and I was scared to death that I would lose them . When they all moved away from home and the youngest had stopped attending because of problems with in the congregation I just made the decision to stop cold turkey . For about two or three months before that I had stopped going in FS and missed quite a few Book Studies . Then one Sunday I turned to my husband during the Talk and said I wanted to go home . At home I tod him I was done and if he wanted to still go I would support him and not stand in his way . It was a horrible blow to him he was shocked and thought I was leaving him or something . After a few weeks and explaining some of my doubts he felt a bit better . He never went to another meeting either ,but has never said he doesn't believe it is the truth . This year he is celebrating holidays with me and has made comments about his doubts finally too .
Our second oldest son slowly faded, because according to him his faith was weak ,but now two yrs. later after much reading he says he is an atheist .His log time friends from our old hall have cut him completely out of their lives and he is dealing with that rejection. Our oldest son and his wife moved across country and half way back .athey slowly have stopped any witness activity also ,but have not really embraced any other belief other than just living their lives and working . This year they are getting Christmas presents ! Slowly they are just accepting our family is changing . My daughter in laws witness family has not been supportive of her and she sees their hypocritical love . Our youngest son is of the F.U. mind set and does not have a kind thing to say about J.W.s at all.
I am so glad it turned out how it did for my family . I had reached the point though that I just had to take the chance no matter what they decided . I could no longer be so unhappy .
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dissed
Hey Jimmy....
I will make mine short and sweet.
I decided one day, I wasn't going anymore and told my wife as much. Like 'Troubled mind' I wasn't sure how my wife would react. She is Swedish and they never get too excited about anything, and this time was no exception.
She calmly said "okay". Then went and got her and my daughter ready for the meeting. When she came home, she mentioned several of the friends asked about me and said that I wasn't feeling well. On Sunday, she went again without me, came home and said the same thing, but added. "I'm not going to lie for you" I replied, "please don't. I don't want you to"
She went into the bedroom, I thought to cry alone. Again, Swedes don't like to show emotion in front of others. She came out after 15 minutes, I noticed she had not been crying and said, "I'm not going anymore either." Then unloaded on why she was leaving the WTS.
Blew my mind!
She had kept all this in for many years, was very unhappy with being a JW, but did her best to keep it from me. She was only testing to see if I really was leaving before telling me all.
Wives can be very supporting. Wives can also surprise you. My wife did both as she knew the WTS was my life for over 26 years.
That's my story Jimmy. I left first and she followed me three days later.
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wha happened?
I left before wifey did. I took some time, but she eventually saw through the BS. She really wanted the dubs to come through but the logic and timelines didn't jive. The attitudes at me from other dubes also turned off the wife. Then the CO who we asked to help us was DF'd my wife just threw in the towel
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BabaYaga
Open Mind has had great success lately... have you seen this thread?
Also, Big Tex left before Cruzenheart did... I think he printed out articles and threads from this site and left them out on the table! I'll have to see if I can find his post about that... or maybe he'll see this and re-tell it himself.
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FreeAtLast1914
I left first, but my wife was always supportive. Confused at first, but supportive. She came out roughly a couple years later, finally telling me she had been unhappy for a long time and didn't know why. In the end, independent Bible study freed her mind and she saw the "Truth" for what it was. The incredible lack of love and hypocrisy on the part of the brothers slandering us also helped her grasp the fact that this is NOT an organization based on love, but on senseless actions and showy displays; truly 'a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power.'
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lovelylil2
Hi, Good Question.
I left the org first. It was very hard telling my husband. He knew something was wrong for months because I was missing many meetings and when I went out in service I would not hand out the WT magazines only a small tract about the Paradise. Also the last meeting I attended, I walked out during the WT study and sat in the car. That day we had the inevitable discussion about what was wrong.
I simply told him I no longer believe the WT teachings and could not support them.
My husband blew a complete gasket. He yelled, screamed for hours on end. Threatened me with divorce and financial ruin. I did not have a job outside the home at the time and had two young kids. He called me stupid, unspiritual, mentally ill and demented. And told me that our kids are going to be destroyed because of me. That is because the kids did not want to attend the meetings if mommy didn't. Since I was the one who trained them spiritually.
The children were very traumatized because they never saw their father behave like this. Also my son had nightmares because of fear of being destroyed by Jehovah. He is fine now though. But through out this ordeal, I stayed calm and told him I would happily explain the reasons why I could not support the WT. And that if he wanted to remain a jw I would support that decision of his. He accused me of going on Apostate websites, which I had not at that time. It was not until I left that I went to those types of sites.
In actuality, I started seeing the discrepencies in the WT's own mags and while reading the bible in its context discovered they were twisting many scriptures to prove their own teachings. Viewing apostate teachings had nothing to do with my leaving. Once I saw the discrepancies I did research the origins of the WT and thats when I discovered the pyramids, etc. and how the WT was apostate from the beginning.
Anyway, within a week of telling hubby, I wrote a 10 page DA letter including scriptural proof the WT was in error and hand delivered it to the brothers. I told them not to bother to contact me for any judicial meetings and they were welcome to come by ONLY if they would be able to prove I am in scriptural error and wish to correct me.
I am still waiting 7 years later, no elder has ever tried to speak with me nor correct my views.
Meanwhile...........hubby continued with the meetings for 3 months, waiting for the elders to speak to him about his wife now being an obvious apostate. After a month went by and no one spoke to him or even looked at him at the meetings, he asked to read my DA letter. By this time, he accepted that I was not going back and was curious as to why I left. He was calmer too, so I gave it to him. He retreated upstairs with the bible and the letter and read it in private.
He never said a word about my letter and continued to meetings 2 more months. Then one evening out of the blue he didn't get dressed for the meeting. I asked if he was going and he told me he was quitting the WT. When I asked why he said because after 3 months not one elder approached him to see how he was doing, or ask what happened with your wife. And he felt the way they avoided him that they were afraid to even approach the subject, maybe because they had no response to my Q's raised. He also looked up all the scriputures I quoted in my Da letter and read them completely in their context and felt what I stated was true and accurate scripturally and that the WT was the one in error.
Anyway they showed themselves for not being spiritual shepherds at all (one of the points I raised in my letter) and he decided to leave. So he gave in his one line DA letter the following week simply stating "I no longer wish to be considered one of Jehovah's Witnesses". Since then and until now, not one elder has stopped by or called regarding our decisions.
Thats my story. Peace, Lilly
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sacolton
I married into it. My wife was raised JW with her whole family. Before we could date, I had to become a Jehovah's Witness and we couldn't officially be exclusive until I was baptized. So, without doing any research, I dove head first into it and hated every meeting and field service, but I keep quiet. We were married in 2000 and moved from congregation to congregation. I started having serious doubts in 2007 and started researching. I made my decision and tried to tell my wife, but she would have none of it. She called her JW brother (also my best friend) to come over and reason with me. We stood up all night talking and looking at all the false prophesies and scriptures. He just said that he would take my printouts and "look into it". Never heard back from him. I submitted my letter of disassociation in February 2008 (before my birthday). My wife still continued to go to meetings. The "friends" would invite her to some activities (which I could not take part of). We grew more distant because how does one love an apostate? It is not taught! Later that year, she had an affair with another man (a non-JW) and we divorced. She has since left the organization and submitted her letter of disassociation (thus avoiding a Judicial Committee as well) and now celebrates all major holidays and is a much happier person. We still remain friends to this day.
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treadnh2o
" I feel very sad for those that have mates still active after they have left ."
I actually enjoy the quiet time on Sundays and one night a week. Circut Assembly weekends are awesome! I am a disappointed when she doesn't go.
Whenever I want to do something that she is not keen on, I remind her she leaves me for 5-6 hours a week to do something I don't like.
I guess it is just a matter of perspective.
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blondie
I was almost out when I was posting here. My husband was still an elder but trying to find a way to leave...later we called it fading. But mentally we were out at the same time. The most important thing is to be mentally on the same page.