Once a cheater, always a cheater (page 2)

keyser soze

Please discuss.

You mean, please agree with my analysis.

paul from cleveland

Quillsky, if you haven't sinned yourself, you can be the first to burn me at the stake.

Mary

Interesting how most cheaters are justifying cheating. Any non-cheaters willing to step up?

Quillsky, you sound like a die-hard Dub claiming that there's never any justifiable reason for leaving "the Truth". Life is not as black and white as you're trying to make out. If you're in a happy relationship, chances are, you're not going to cheat or have your spouse cheat. As we all know, many people either marry too young, or marry the wrong person. I've known men who cheat because their wives are either beotches, or simple not there for them emotionally, and I've known women who cheat for the very same reasons.

I'll never forget this girl in my old congregation. She was a little bit 'slow' and she married a guy who was a true asshole (not hard to find at the local ASSemblies). Having never been educated on anything, she had no idea what to look for in a man and did what many JWs did: married the first guy who came along. Turns out of course, he was just putting on a big show. He was lazy (couldn't keep a job), abused her verbally and sometimes physically and was basically just a piece of shit. She was very, very unhappy and had no idea where to turn or what she could do. Her parents encouraged her to 'stay', because we can't have a marriage breaking up and causing shame on the family!! So she did. It got worse. She ended up meeting a 'worldly' guy and had an affair. She ended up leaving her dickhead husband and promptly got DF'd for adultery. He of course, got nothing for his wife abuse.

Was she justified in what she did? In my opinion, yes, she was. People who are in abusive relationships quite often have no idea of what love even is until they meet someone else who treats them well. As humans, we crave love and affection and if your spouse is that neglectful, then chances are, you're going to end up doing something. Of course, the one who was cheated on will never see it that way.

Of course, there's the other end of spectrum too. I know one guy who was dumb enough to marry a stripper. Yes, she's very pretty but she is without a doubt, the most shallow, lazy, self-absorbed person I've ever met. She wants nothing more than to be treated like "a princess". She won't cook, clean or do anything resembling being a wife and expects to be waited on hand and foot. She cheated with her boss within a year of being married, because she's simply looking for a Sugar Daddy and when she finds one, she'll be gone without a backwards glance. She also developed a cocaine habit, stole from her friends, her family and drained the bank account every month. This guy does not want to hear "we told you so" from all his friends who warned him against marrying this girl, so he stays. Was she justified in cheating? IMO, no she was not. She's simply a slut and will probably always be one.

It would be nice if we lived in a world where cheating never happened, but being the 'imperfect' humans that we are, that's probably never going to happen. And no, I'm not a cheater. Just a realist.

OnTheWayOut

Any non-cheaters willing to step up?

Yes, I will.

I will say that, for the most part, ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER is true. But that's a statement for people that are players and cannot make committments to begin with (or abide by the committments they tried to make).

However, there are other cheaters.

There are people who are in loveless marriages or who married due to pregnancy and are miserable with each other, or perhaps just one of them is miserable. There are those that changed directions from their marriage mate over religion, politics, career, etc. and found themselves leading separate lives.

I will use my father as an example. He has divorced several times, but only once for cheating. My mother found the Jehovah's Witnesses and the end of the world coming in 1975. Dad had already lost Mom to the Watchtower. He found comfort somewhere else perhaps because the breakup could be his fault and he felt it was a kindness. His other marital problems after that weren't complicated by a cult, so he didn't need to give them a reason to divorce.

I have a great love with my wife. If a "cheater" from a previous situation finds great love, he or she will not necessarily follow the pattern of cheating. Many have done this- gone out of a situation to find great love.

I don't believe that forgiveness would work for me, if my great love stabbed my heart by cheating, I would be outta there. I cannot even imagine how Tiger Woods' wife could try again at true love with him, but I doubt it's true love anymore.

awildflower

Speaking of cheating, I'm so sad for Sandra Bullock if it's true her husband cheated on her. What an idiot! What's better than Sandra.

And I agree with OTWO, there are reasons why people cheat, and I don't think that someone will always cheat, not if your truly in love with someone. I would like to hope there are guys out there that are so in love with there wives that they wouldn't need anything else.

dissed

People grow and change. Once a cheater, doesn't mean, always a cheater.

keyser soze

I do think there is a difference between 'cheater' and someone who cheats. Cheater seems to imply something more inherent, a defect in character, or as OTWO put it, someone who is a player and afraid to commit. People like this rarely, if ever, change.

But there are other reasons why people may cheat. The world is filled with people who have cheated once, but never again. It's not as black and white as you are trying to make it seem.

cheerios

to make an assumption that someone will do something that they've done before just because it happened before is very shallow thinking indeed.

OnTheWayOut

to make an assumption that someone will do something that they've done before just because it happened before is very shallow thinking indeed.

Well, to try to be balanced, I don't think "shallow" sums it up. I think they are going with the odds (perhaps for self-protection) but not considering the person and the circumstances at all.

VIII

Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior.

If someone cheats (has an affair) on their spouse, who they promised to be faithful to, and they get away with it, what are the chances they will not do it again?

I do think it depends on their personality and their circumstances.

I would bet that they would do it again. This is true for men or women. It might not be immediate, however, I believe that given the right set of circumstances they will do it-eventually.

Once a cheater, always a cheater

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