Help please - my wife wants a divorce (page 4)

SPAZnik

Thank your wife for her honesty and go care for yourself for a while. Things will become clearer.

lisavegas420

Did I miss it, Or did you not once say you love your wife?

You don't say how old you or your wife are, but after 20 years, she's probably feels like this is the 'best' you have to offer. And she ain't gettin' any younger......Why wouldn't she move on?

You need to let her be,

and you to find a way to take care of yourself.

lisa

In a way your wife's presence has inhibited your recovery and enabled you to isolate yourself. It is hard because you rely on her so heavily but that has not been fair to either of you. Your wife has had to modify her life to fit around your requirements so it is understandable that she has had enough. She feels she needs freedom in her life and a chance to live her life without restrictions she wants to move on.

I am assuming that in the past you were not as dependent and that circumstances and problems have led to this situation. What you were once you can be again. As Moshe said you need to focus on learning to be independent again and getting whatever help you need to accomplish that. You need to start rebuilding yourself and your self confidence.

This is a painful time and there is no quick fix. The danger will be if you isolate yourself still further. Make an appointment today to visit your healthcare practitioner and talk through the situation. Use the internet to check out support available. Whilst your wife is available ask her if she would help with these initial steps and explain that this is so that you can cope when she is no longer with you. You appreciate that you may have taken her support for granted in the past but you appreciate anything she feels she can do to help both of you to move on from this.

I am so sorry for you both.

Heaven

IMHO, you do need to seek some of your own personal counseling. It would be good if you and your wife could go together for marriage counseling as well, however, your wife probably needs her own personal counseling too.

In the meantime, another option you and your wife may want to try is a trial separation. You can write up an agreement that you will live apart for a year and come back together after that time to re-examine things. This can be setup legally with a contract that you and she work out together. It can be setup however the 2 of you like. Maybe set it up with actual assigned 'tasks' or 'to-do's', one of them being counseling.

Just another option you and she may want to consider.

DaCheech

a

PSacramento

If she wants a divorce and she is serious ( not a "test" or somethingliek that), then it means she is not willing to make things work and it does take TWO to make ANY relationship work.

Give her the divorce and try to keep it as "professional" as possible.

Judge Dread

I am not sure I follow...you don't have a lot of friends due to traveling for work, AND you have a borderline fear of leaving the house and talking on the phone?
My thoughts, exactly.
I'm starting to smell a rat.
Or maybe a troll.
Judge Dread

Robdar

I've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.

She went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand. I forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.

We both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings. I want to change although it will be hard with my emotional, mental and physical condition and want her to stay but she will not even give me a chance.

So, let me see if I've got this straight:

You have a lot of emotional/mental problems and have been unable to fulfill your role emotionally and physically as a husband for many years? And you are surprised your wife has had enough of it?

After years of not fulfilling her physically, you are surprised she had an unplanned one night stand? You are surprised she says she doesn't love you anymore?

And now you want to change although it will be hard to do with all your emotional, mental and physical problems?

I don't know why you are surprised. And I refuse to believe that your wife has never spoken to you about her feelings before. I am more inclined to believe that she spoke to you about her feelings many times but you just couldn't get beyond your own needs and desires in order to listen to her. You are still not listening to her. Stop sucking her dry and give her a divorce.

Gregor

Something in the back of my cynical brain tells me we've been played here. If not, IMHO, I can only say you are the most self absorbed weeny I have ever come across. Benefit of the doubt comment: Get some counseling and a divorce. The "OK, you got me goin' there for a minute" comment: Kudos, very clever!

Quirky1

I don't have any advice to give..I find myself in a similar situation...on the brink of divorce..I feel for ya. It is emotionally f*cked up..

Help please - my wife wants a divorce