Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO 56 Replies latest social relationships

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  SPAZnik

  Oops I just realized that I missed what you said about having a few weeks to get her to reconsider, while she puts her house on the market.

  To that I say action (love) speaks much much louder than words. Unless you start taking massive steps to care for yourself and get a new oxygen mask in place that will relieve her of the burden, I don't see her changing her mind. Take the action to love yourself. Gaining the respect of others starts with our own self-respect and believing we are worth every effort to care for ourselves.

  All the best to you right now. Perhaps sit down with yourself and remind yourself of all the times you've been brave in your life. Then make that call you need to make.
• 

  SPAZnik

  It starts from the inside and then ripples out.

  Good for her, I say, if she is learning to take better care of herself.

  This will likely make her even stronger to care for people in a hey-a-lot-of-people-benefit-from-me-being-healthy way rather than care giving them in an oh-my-god-my-tank-is-running-out-and-my-entire-life-amounts-to-one-burdensome-toxic-relationship-i-can't-take-anymore-and-i'd-like-to-off-myself-now kind of way.

  Hopefully it will help you too. But that's your choice to make.
• 

  SPAZnik

  "If you hear a voice saying 'you are not a painter',

  then by all means paint ... and that voice will be silenced."

  ~Vincent Van Gogh

  "If you hear a voice saying 'you can't stand on your own two feet',

  then by all means stand on your own two feet ... and that voice will be silenced."

  ~Spazzie Nik Goggles
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  SPAZnik

  Maybe if you forgive her for her part in helping you paralyze yourself

  with her caregiving-to-make-myself-feel-better ways

  and forgive yourself for your part in having played the disabled role all this time,

  you will be able to brainstorm and implement creative solutions to your dilemma

  and be better able to see where and how to begin healing a relationship

  on the verge of death and in desperate need of life-support if it is to revive.
• 

  IMHO

  Thank you SPAZnik for your many words of advice and encouragement.

  Much has changed since I last wrote.

  My efforts seemed to be working. My wife even said that she too would "try". Although she still felt my "efforts" wouldn't last.

  She suggested she go to her Mothers for a week for a break and try to see what it would be like for her being away. I said make it two weeks which she agreed to.

  The next morning she rang and it felt good speaking to her, the conversation seemed "normal", then the very same afternoon she rang to say she was coming back, she couldn't talk about it as she was on her way on the train. I was out when she arrived (with the children, I don't think I mentioned before that we have children) , and she had left again before I returned home.

  She had left a note to say that she would be away for at least 2 weeks adding that she needed to follow her heart as she loves someone else (despite the fact that up to that point she had maintained that she just wants to be alone). She also wrote that the Divorce papers should be arriving soon.
• 

  AudeSapere

  That's been a rollercoaster of a few days.

  A local social service org, health clinic or even a church may be able to help you get your emotions sorted out so you can begin making a plan to reclaim your life and build something manageable.

  I wish I had better, more solid suggestions for you.

  -Aude.
• 

  70-Years-Of-Servatude

  Having gone through a divorce with a child attached. It appears that at this point you should talk to an attorney and get some legal advice to protect your assets and your visitation. Get some advice from the attorney so that when the papers do come you are ready to take required actions and not be too emotionally caught offguard to act. She probably already has an attorney and /or the support of a new boyfriend to help her along quicker so don't get caught with your pants down.

  70