I'm pleased to have found this site...I've browsed a little ...read quite a lot and gasped at some stories, giggled at the one liners and nodded in recognition of others' strong opinions and can relate to a great deal.
I'll try and keep my intro as brief as possible for anyone kind enough to listen.
I got involved with the Witnesses in the late 70's in the UK. I was in my early 20s and had had a love and fascination for the bible since my difficult childhood. I soon brought my life into 'line' although it took a long time for me to pack up the smoking which didnt go down well in those days when 6 months of study should have been enough and if you hadnt cracked it then it was suggested that you were some kind of loser...
I reared my 4 children in the 'truth' as well as I could but I cant claim that we were a 'strong' family in their terms...just muddled along really..my husband at the time was a very difficult and abusive man and home life wasnt easy for any of us with his anger, jealousy and violence. it became the norm though and a combination of believing that preserving the marriage for my children and scriptural direction not to divorce unless he committed adultery kept me in there...of course in the KH he was a really 'lovely' guy....
Time passed...I apologize in advance if this offends any of you here but I can only tell my own story ...in 1992 I had such an enormous spiritual experience and came to understand that to my enormous surprise, not to mention real shock, I was anointed. This happened to me when I was alone, in a good place emotionally, and completely sober.
The effect of this was extremely powerful and set off an insatiable hunger in me to devour the scriptures over the coming days, weeks, months, and years, to meet my new relationship with my God/Creator.
Perhaps you can imagine that when I told the PO of the congregation that I had had this undeniable 'witness of the holy spirit' it didnt go down too well...I had to explain to him scripturally that of course I wasnt worthy of it ...noone ever was/is ..nevetheless it had happened to me. I wasnt old on a zimmer frame and wearing a twinset and pearls...not the right type really....and this was in the days when the number was sealed they said.
Our life in the ‘truth’ changed ... I developed a super strong spirituality because of my ‘spiritual experience’..pioneering, studies, quickbuilds...as a family we became totally immersed in the organisation. Friends who’d known me for a long time detected the change in me and said they benefited from it..the elders and a couple in particular...didnt like my claim to be anointed at all. They made our lives as a family so difficult...humiliation, oppression and fear became the order of the day. I was desperate not to hurt my god, but I was outspoken against injustices and suffering in the congregation, and it went down like a lead balloon!
Fast forward some years ...my marriage was deteriorating ...my ex sank gradually into alcoholism and we all suffered more abuse...I was continually advised to stay in the marriage when I sought help. By now he was a MS and took delight in his power in the home although raging at us all every time the CO came and went and he wasn’t ‘made up’.
The crunch came for me when I saw my 2 now adult sons behaving more and more like their father towards me. I couldn’t tolerate not only dealing with 3 abusive men in our home but also that by not insisting that they were very wrong I was neglecting my parenting. I didn’t want them to spend their lives treating women so badly and thinking it was acceptable. It was bad enough that they saw similar attitudes at the KH...
I decided to separate but over some years I was urged to try again and again until in the end my life was so much in danger that I really had to make the break in a final way. To keep it short ...it was horrendous, homelessness for my youngest daughter and I, court battles for her custody etc etc.
I received no help from the Body of Elders and they dissuaded others from helping us except for one family who believed me and saw what I was dealing with. One elder in particular made a stand to be on my ex’s side over a violent episode where I was beaten and thrown from a car. I confronted him and expressed my disgust. Then came a battle for our home followed by my ex going bankcrupt and another fight to save it for us....the traumas went on and on...and because of the disapproval that I’d left the marriage my isolation and despair increased.... I was falling into the depths of a breakdown because of the stress. The ex was removed and dodged a judicial.
One day in a stressful situation I smoked some cigarettes. I know ..its unthinkable isn’t it? I went to the elders and confessed. You would have thought all their Christmases had come at once (sorry)...there were investigations and committees set up immediately and after a very traumatic judicial, and one of the 3 elders was the one that I’d confronted, during which I expressed my deep remorse and repentance, I was disfellowshipped. I couldn’t believe it ...I asked them how this could be unless they didn’t believe I was sorry? One of them said..’There’s more to it than that.’
That was it. Thirty years of friends gone. My adult children gone. My life gone. They told me that Jehovah would leave me. I sobbed and shook for days and days. It literally made me physically ill. Within six months I developed a small breast cancer which the doctors insisted happened because of the trauma of the DF. I went through it alone, completely, except for my God. He didn’t leave at all, he never has and even the residue and effects of my ‘anointing’ didn’t diminish. Its with me to this day. My love for Him remains undiminished.
Some new ‘worldly’ friends helped me back up after my treatment and I found a new resolve to live my life. I could never return to the JWs ...I couldn’t ever again trust in their justice or mercy. After a couple of years I met a ‘wordly’ man, an atheist, and I married him recently. He is wonderful, kind, and full of integrity. Its all a new experience for me to have such a gift. His family treat me like gold. I am happy, despite my grief over my adult children, and as a final gift to myself I am now a mature student at Uni, which I am loving.
I miss sharing and chewing over the scriptures...thats all...nothing compares with that for me. Its five years on now...and I still don’t know if I want to just worship on an individual basis or if I want to find an alternative ‘church’. I am still thinking about it but I am cynical now about organised religions. I have only in the past few months taken the plunge to read some online information...its all very shocking and revealing....its also a relief in a way...to find that its not ‘just me’. And telling my story like this is new to me.
Now as I learn more about the corruption of the JWs I CANT POSSIBLY equate the love of my God with their claim that they are his people on earth today. I conclude from my wider perspective that my spiritual experience has happened to other individuals in other religions and that it is not exclusive to JWs. I have met and grown to love atheists, Christians from other religions, as well as agnostics, humanists and more. I no longer judge on the basis of the standards set by the WTBS...it is so unhealthy.
I’ve been angry and hurt and broken...the whole gamut...now I am just resigned and sad at my losses, but determined to go on. I’m sorry its so long...this is the abbreviated version too!
I'm encouraged by the warmth I've seen on here and I sincerely look forward to chatting with some of you.
Loz x x