Thank you both...wow it seems so long ago that I wrote that introductory post...life has moved on some... and so have I ....I owe a great deal to being on here for the past year...
Loz x
Hello..this is my story..
by Lozhasleft 64 Replies latest jw friends
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Lozhasleft
Its also good to know that others are in my situation.
Loz x
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Retrovirus
Loz, I'm so glad your life is better now! You are a great and strong lady.
I also had a spiritual experience at a low point in my life, which greatly helped me to stay strong for my children. As I didn't belong to a doctrinal religion, I didn't really know what to call it (and still don't!). Certainly I cannot believe that if there is a God s/he would only care for those of a particular religion.
Retro
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70wksfyrs
Loz,
Thanks for inviting me to read this. Its so close to my story you wouldnt believe. We are in the UK too. My son at 11 says he wants to live with me because his dad is violent and drinks too much, but I keep on telling him not to treat women how his dad does. He tells me now he wont, I do hope he doesn't treat me how your adult boys treated you.
How is your relationship with them now compared to 3 years ago when you first wrote this?
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Lozhasleft
Hello 70wks, I'm glad you ended your marriage with your violent husband, and am sure you will be able to reason with your 11 year old. By your example of leaving, you have shown him that his dad's behaviour is unacceptable. That is where I really went very badly wrong. My ex was a mysoginist with deep psychological problems that weren't apparent for many years, he just appeared to me very emotionally insecure and jealous. For a long time I thought I could help him, but gradually he got worse, but subtly and deviously. He lied to elders, friends and my kids about me and our marriage, and focussed on separating me from anyone I loved, or anything that brought me joy. A very sick man indeed.
The tragedy for my children, is that while I was so busy trying to fix him and make him happy and keep him peaceable, they missed out so much on normal emotional attention, not only from him, but also from me.That was so wrong. I should have faced the reality years before that the marriage couldn't be saved. Somehow I became addicted to the whole dramatic circus of it, couldn't find a way to end it, and it changed me for the worse. My kids had to witness all this. So terrible for them. To compound it all with the WTBS on board, family bonds became of much less significance, and we became victims of the cult mentalities.
It's easy to see things in retrospect isn't it? And from my current happy and normal relationship, I do see, and I am appalled that my family ended up in the mess it did. I hadn't known what 'normal' life in a marriage was like, to recognize one so extremely abnormal, and I trusted the WTBS when I shouldn't have. I have, and do, pay a very high price for my mistakes and if my kids find freedom and happiness as adults, that's all I hope for. They choose not to have me in their lives and that's their right. It doesn't stop me loving them.
I do hope things improve for you soon, and that you are able to leave the WTBS and rescue your son. It was lovely to talk to you recently. Take care.
Loz x