As Witnesses we were Trained to be Obedient - Rather than Show Love

by flipper 37 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  I can list many examples of this : Probably the most glaring thing I saw proving this in 1982 was when an 83 year old sister died of a heart attack on the stage at an assembly part where she gave her experience then sat down next to me and died right on my shoulder on the stage. I motioned to a brother sitting near me on the stage to help me carry her off the stage - which we did - and the brother and I behind the curtain tried administering CPR. A registered nurse ran behind the curtain from the audience also - but the annoying thing is the elder giving the talk just kept right on talking to the 3,000 in the audience with NO REFERENCE to WHAT had just happened ! Someone had died and had a massive coronary - but the show must go on. Sick. Then the elder called me and the brother out to give our experiences. Being young ( 23 ) at the time and intimidated by the elder I went out and gave my part all the while paramedics were working on the sister . It felt totally wrong to be doing the part as if it was disrespecting the horror this poor old sister had gone through. But the other 4 sisters were made to finish THEIR parts as well . The lunch intermission didn't come until 30 minutes later . What would have been wrong with the elder CANCELLING the last 30 minutes and saying " We have a medical emergency " ? NOTHING would have been wrong doing that- everything would have been right ! It's what SHOULD have been done.

  I can look back NOW years later and say I would have reacted differently if I was older and knew about cult mind control - but I still think of that often. You never forget if someone dies on your shoulder. Jesus.

  But think again about the scene just in local congregations ! People are appraised as being " spiritual " if they are obedient with their " functions". If they raise their hand and comment, they're " spiritual " , if they go out in service they're " spiritual " , give talks they're " spiritual " . If they don't perform these OUTWARD , visible " Kingdom hall " functions - yet miss meetings due to caring constantly for sick relatives, children, or feeding the poor and down and out - then they are considered UNSPIRITUAL because they aren't obeying in their " functions " at the kingdom hall to be seen by others ! THAT is what irritated the snot out of me while I was a witness. And it seems the GB and WT society is becoming MORE controlling the last couple years on INSISTING on this regimented obedience !

  Did any of the rest of you as witnesses see people emphasize " Being obedient " instead of showing real authentic human " love " ? What kinds of experiences did you or somebody you know have ? As always I look forward to your takes and observations. Peace out to all, Mr. Flipper
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  dgp

  Marked.
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  Jadeen

  I think that the most obvious example of this is with disfellowshipping and shunning.

  How many people get shunned at a time when they need support the most?

  And then the Society twists the idea of love by saying, "You're showing love by shunning wrongdoers."
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  flipper

  DGP- For sure, come back to check it out. Do you know of some examples you saw in the witnesses ?

  JADEEN- Good point. Disfellowshipping is a obvious example of lack of love by not supporting those that need it the most. And very true - the WT society twists it and calls it showing love. So weird. Peace out, Mr. flipper
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  journey-on

  Flipper, I think the witnesses are brainwashed to believe that it's all about "proving" that you're spiritual strong. When you do something like tossing aside your emotional vulnerability for "the-show-must-go-on" kind of mentality, you somehow feel like you have earned points, thereby proving your spiritual strength. With the JWs, it's all about earning spiritual points!!! I have seen my JW sister cry over my df'd brother, but shunning him makes her feel spiritually superior....sacrificing the here and now for the perceived spiritual reward. Somehow, she feels like Abraham offering up Isaac! It's sick.
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  LongHairGal

  Flipper, What an awful story. I once read something similar about the nazis where one of them died during a card game or something and the rest just carried on like nothing happened. As far as the JWs being hooked on obedience I saw it early on and rebuffed their attempts at control and meddling. I swear some of them needed to be beaten back. At this point in my life I would never tolerate anybody who oversteps. What an education I got in this religion!
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  dgp

  I have never been and will never be a witness, so, as in the meetings, I can't really comment. I marked the thread because I was interested in seeing what people would post. I am sure there will be some heart-wrenching stories.

  I did have the experience of loving someone who loved me back, but decided to toe the line and ask me to go away because I was not a witness. I don't think that really goes with this thread, however.
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  mindmelda

  I remember one sister that everyone praised as being super spiritual when she came and gave a part with a 103 because she had a very serious case of the flu.

  She had 5 kids, one of them mentally handicapped, and she was always dragging them around pioneering too. But, the day after the talk, another sister went to see if she was all right (she lived across the street) and found her on the sofa unconscious, barely breathing. She had developed a whopping case of pneumonia.

  She called an ambulance, and the ill sister recovered after a few weeks or so, but I remember everyone thinking how wonderful she was for her sacrifice. Of what, her health?

  I remember being criticized for staying home with colds and such, but my medical training (I was a CNA at the time) taught me that was stupid, so I ignored the criticism.

  Oh, being told by some of these super spiritual types not to grieve overly much after my baby died was one of the things that made me wake up. I was told that it would set a bad example for the worldly people as we're not supposed to grieve like those who don't believe in the resurrection. Right...that unfeeling attitude is so attractive to other people...no wonder they think that Witnesses are nuts!
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  troubled mind

  Oh Flipper you have hit a nerve with me on this one .......this kind of behavior I am sure is what started really opening my eyes and I will try to give you some examples .

  The first that comes to mind happened when my husband had missed several meetings . Over the course of 8 months he had lost five different relatives to death in his family ! Two of those were cousins around his age, and all had been major parts of his childhood . No one in the hall even sent a card to him during this time . One super righteous sister asked me 'why my husband was missing meetings', when I reminded her of his recent losses her reply was a very snotty

  " WELL how close could he have been to them ,they were Worldly weren't they ??" AS if since they were not witnesses they totally didn't matter......

  This same sister ,who by the way is held up as a fine example to all in the hall also told me I should be at the hall and not spending all my time at my Mom's hospital bedside while she was in a coma , becasue 'what really can you do for her '.

  A pioneer sister in our hall could get away being a closet drunk and slander people because she went door to door so much . But someone that had a kind heart and quite temperment ,but didn't get alot of hours in ,was treated as bad association .

  There was a kindly older brother in our hall that never went in service or gave talks ,but came every Saturday with his own mower and did the lawn . Any minor repairs needed he would do them w/o being asked . He also made it a point to stop by and do for others in the hall whenever there was aneed . The Elder body finally told him to stop the lawn work because they wanted the book study groups to do it instead (really it was pressure to try get him to follow procedure service ,TMS,ect.) All it did was push him further away until now he only attneds the Memorial .

  Three very older women became witnesses lat in life ....these ladies were a hoot ! I loved being around them because they were so real . In the winter two of them would like to wear pantsuits to the bookstudy ....mind you these women were very active in service made all the meetings ,but because of this one minor blip they were harrassed ,special needs talks were given (to embarrass them into following the rules ) it broke they're spirit a little the way they were treated . The other older woman (in her 70's) was reproved because she couldn't give up birthdays with her family .(none of her relatives were witnesses ) JUST makes me sick !!

  Follow the rules .....don't really care about the people ....I thought Jesus had something to say about that .
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  truthseekeriam

  I see it as duty over compassion.

  When my daughter told us about being molested, we were completely devastated and shocked. We were in desperate need of comfort and compassion, so we called an elder that we just knew would help us and comfort us. Imagine the second shock when they were anything but:(

  This brother who I thought I knew as being kind and sweet became interrogator #1 on a mission that I didn't understand. Asking questions that should have never been asked to a child, let alone a child that was already suffering.

  From that day, I saw for myself that their is nothing loving or compassionate in the way things are done in the Org... It's all about duty and obedience to the instructions from the top.

  It was a very sad, but needed wake up call, telling me these people are not anything like Jesus.

  It's really hard dealing with the loss of your child's innocence and the loss of your life as you know it, all within a few years.