My God, this is going to become more of a twisted nightmare then him just going to a meeting a few times a week isn't it? 0_o
OKKKAAAAYY Now I get it! Another JW Belief Screwing W/My Life "Date To Marry"
by Confuzzled 48 Replies latest jw friends
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Hortenzie
Dear Confuzzled,
now you lost me. Did you say that you are a JW?
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Confuzzled
Yeah, logically I knew it, don't say it.
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Confuzzled
Oh hell no Hortenzie! F*** no!
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mrsjones5
I totally agree with all of what OTWO said. Listen to him Confuzz, he's a wise MAN (underlined cuz he's a real man and what you've got right not ain't even close).
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Girlie
I 2nd OTWO's advice. It boils down to how much of this are you willing to put up with. And in your delicate state of having a baby, you do not need this stress.
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leavingwt
Run like hell and keep your precious child as far away from Jehovah's Witnesses as possible. Strengthen your ties with your own family and real friends. Pregnancy is not an easy thing, nor is the labor/delivery and early child care. Hang in there.
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Amber Rose
It sounds like you have a "friends with benefits" thing going on? Like someday both of you would find someone else you would rather be with but for the time being...well, you know. This type of situation definitely is not approved of by the WTS. He's probably hearing both things here "Hey, you gotta marry her, be a family man, she'll be so impressed with all the positive changes you're making that she will want to serve Jehovah too (i.e. you do the love bombing for us)" But he is probably also being told "Hey, you don't have to stay with her, you're not married. Serving Jehovah is the most important thing and she is preventing you from serving him to the fullest! How awful! Get rid of that wicked woman and prove true to Jehovah!" So, yeah, he's in a very volatile state. I can't tell you to keep him or dump him, if he's worth the effort. But here are some key points to remember when dealing with a potential convert.
Jehovah's Witnesses are horrible at converting others
Jehovah's Witnesses thrive on "persecution" (the more they are told they are wrong, the righter they think they are)
Jehovah's Witnesses have a terrible retention rate (So even if he does convert, there's a good chance that he'll get thrown out or quit on his own)
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mindmelda
Oh, Witnesses aren't the only religion totally confused about sex and relationships, but they are in the top 5, I'm sure.
Your bf is sadly, being fed a lot of misinformation about sex, women and relationships. The advice he's getting was written down by polygamist patriarchs living in Bronze Age tribes in the Middle East. It is totally out of touch with what people today must deal with. These people had no medical birth control, no concept of dating, marriages were arranged by parents for economic, social and religious advantage. There was no concept of romance as we know it today, not really. What we call romance became defined during the middle ages by bards or poets, singers.
There's no word for that in the Hebrew Scriptures, just as there is no word for a single man. Everyone married who wasn't physically or mentally disabled, or exempt for religious reasons.... no questions asked, get in line, take one for the tribe, whatever. Marriage in those times was not a matter of personal choice. Witnesses subscribe to some of that still, because it's in the Bible. They think if it's in the Bible, it's automatically wonderful, regardless of how unworkable it is for people living now. They add the idea of voluntary celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom for that, and there you have their ideas of marriage.
Sex is supposedly very restrictive for the model Witness. Only between married people of the opposite sex, and only straight vaginal sex. That's it. Anything else is unnatural and will get you long embarrassing talks with the elders. Masturbation is considered abnormal and leading to homosexuality. A lot of Witnesses ignore this stuff but still feel very guilty about ignoring it, as it's hammered home to them constantly about what they should and should not be doing sexually.
Aside from all the god and religious issues, nothing he's being told by Witnesses works. If you go to the website for religious tolerance.org, you'll discover statistics on Witnesses. They do not have a significantly lower divorce rate than other faiths. They still have family problems, domestic abuse, and yet still believe that they are the epitome of representing godliness in their lives and lifestyle. That is where much of the problem lies, the refusal to see that they are just like anyone else, and their religion doesn't give them a better life in many ways than any other.
It's all illusion. Behind closed doors, Witnesses are pretty much like anyone else, except that they have to keep up this facade of piety and godliness. That really wears you down and ultimately burns you out.
Social dating is highly discouraged by Witnesses because they are operating under the belief that to some degree, parents and the congregation should arrange marriages and that young people are too immature and social dating encourages "infatuation" which is their nice word for lust, which is very very bad. They also feel that social dating leads inevitably to sex, although some single Witnesses obviously manage to have sex regardless of all the rules about chaparones, not being alone, etc, that discourage social dating, because they simply step around it.
In other words, their repression of sex doesn't work too well. It just creates confusion and guilt. It's based on misinformation about the nature of sex, relationships and nature.
The proof is in the pudding, Witnesses don't have any better success at marriage or relationships than anyone else.