OKKKAAAAYY Now I get it! Another JW Belief Screwing W/My Life "Date To Marry"

by Confuzzled 48 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  nelly136

  it may not feel like it right now but the tosser who impregnated you is doing you a huge favour not marrying you.

  as for facing his responsibilities.....not sure where youre from but theres usually child maintanaince agencies to take care of that.

  if youre having it rubbed in your face that hes going to marry the next woman hes serious with and his bells and bows are pulled with by his jw friends you can only imagine what kind of silly on off games and rejection hes going to play with your child as it grows up.

  when its just you being hurt its one thing, but as your babys protector (cos lets face it youre on your own on this one) do you really want your baby subjected to these kind of emotional turmoils and upsets depending on which way his wind is blowing from day to day and what the latest orders from the jws are?

  bringing up children by yourself is a whole lot easier when you dont have someone blowing in and out and leaving you to pick up the pieces they leave your kids in when theyre constantly rejected by their so called biological father. fathering a child is a whole lot different to being a real dad.
• 

  hopeful4eva

  I knew a guy who was baptized, and got "wordly" girl pregnant. When he got put in front of the JC and they told him, he would not be DF'd if he broke all ties with the girl and their baby. He told me once, he told them that was not going to happen. So he married the girl, got DF'd...years pass he goes "crazy" literally... and in now back in the JW's.
• 

  yknot

  I don't mind him not wanting to marry me

  Sweety.....

  You are in denial. You do want him to marry you (or at least ask sincerely), to value you, to value yall's child, yalls relationship and to build the type of loving home fit for a child's upbringing and welfare....... and he isn't doing any of those things.

  My heart is breaking for you.....

  He isn't treating you very well, he has said unless you change you aren't 'good enough'........really, I mean really, you are good enough to have sex without protection but he not to marry and he tells you the "next" relationship he will handle differently!

  So let me get this again ....

  You are not good enough, unless you change to meet his current standards (which are subject to change)

  He doesn't see himself marrying you

  He is already musing about his next relationship after you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Warning Warning Warning .... you are being emotionally and verbally bullied ...... and bullying is a form of ABUSE

  Alert, Alert, Alert...... you are being emotionally, physically, and mentally discarded/neglected...... and dismissal of relevance/neglect is ABUSE

  He is not acting like a real man, rather a selfish, willful and directionless boy............who doesn't value you or this child.

  I know I am not being my usual optimistic self...... I wish he was your prince charming, but he is not and I am soooo sorry, I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make him better but you are seeing his true colors ........... and they aren't very pretty, rather they are mean and hurtful.

  Any man that is that much of an ass.....in your delicate condition, barking off what you need to change in order to be 'good enough' isn't going to be a good father, he has already dismissed you and this child as unworthy of his time and proper attention.

  Do you have the means to support yourself? Do you need to return to school? Do you have emotional support from your family or people willing to help you care for the baby. (would you consider adoption?)

  I know you aren't ready to make an immediate exit (letting go will be painful) but you need to start emotionally planning your exit, as there is no chance for a healthy relationship with this person. Trust me .... even if you converted and became UBER-JW, you still won't be good enough in his eyes, he will just make up new reasons to dismiss you as unworthy .......... I have seen it so many time in JW relationships where the husband has a superiority complex (and yes it is quite common amongst JW males). He has already made up his mind, nothing you do will change this, nothing.

  Honestly if you were my daughter........ I would say to just leave. Don't accept phone calls, visits or any other form of contact... Maybe see if you can stay with relatives until the baby is born and start online college courses (unlesss of course you have an really good career already and can't leave----- I don't know yalls ages, education or employment obviously)

  Sending you lots of love and prayers!
• 

  its_me!

  Confuzzled---- I am so sorry for the situation that you are finding yourself in. It will be a rough road, but your child is an amazing gift that will bring you so much happiness.

  Your relationship however, could be a different story. He is acting like a selfish JERK, even for a so called "worldly" person. If he is talking about his next relationship, he is not acceptable marriage material. In my opinion, he is using the excuse of his "religious beliefs" as a feeble crutch to support his selfish desires.

  I know that you feel deeply for him, but if it is getting harder to tell who he is anymore, and he continues with this religion, it will most likely continue to get worse. Even if that were not the case, what he said about his "next relationship" is enough to tell you that you, and your child, deserve better.

  I strongly agree with OnTheWayOut. You don't need this kind of stress right now. You will be able to fall in love again, with someone wonderful. Demand better for yourself and your child! DO NOT SETTLE for a person who is not putting you and your baby FIRST!

  I don't mean to rudely tell you what to do, but I do feel passionately about this subject. JW men often treat their wives as if they are sub-human. I don't want that for anyone. I also grew up with JW parents, and my dad was one of the worst husbands and fathers I have ever seen. And he is MILD in comparison to some of the other fathers of some of my friends and acquaintances.

  I hope that you will be able to sort this out. I know how it feels to love someone who does not care for you the way he should. It lowers your self esteem, you start thinking that you cannot get anyone else. This is NOT TRUE! There are many GOOD men out there. Hold yourself to a higher standard, and you will be likely to find someone who holds themself to a higher standard.
• 

  jaguarbass

  Your boy friends no kind of JW I ever knew or heard of.

  Are you sure you got the right religion and the right board?
• 

  dgp

  She got the wrong man, whatever the board.
• 

  garyneal

  You posted this twice. Here is me relating my experiences:

  Okay, I think I kind of understand your situation a bit more now. Perhaps... Let me relate to you the circumstances surrounding the birth of my son.

  His mom was Catholic but her family was not practicing. I just called myself a Christian but I wasn't going to church regularly and my family never went. We really digged one another at the time and ran around a lot. But it was a summer romance for all intents and purposes. We had nothing in common except the fact that we liked each other between the sheets.

  Anyway, she became pregnant and I was ready to marry her. She wanted me to move out to her city, and I wanted her to move to mine. I had a job, she did not. Seemed obvious to me but she was unreasonable. We began to argue more and more about this and other differences.

  Long story short, our differences became more and more acute during the pregnancy to the point to where I began to realize that this would not work. Now I had to make a choice. So I did, and I walked out of the relationship but promised to do my part with the child. Pay child support, etc.. She wanted us to work out and so did I but we never could come to a truce.

  The embarrassing situation.

  Apparently the Catholic church looks very dimly on people who give birth out of wedlock and she was trying to get us hitch without telling her family about her pregnancy. Kind of like, we're married and TA DA, I'm expecting!!!! This would at least save face.

  But I too had to face the fact that my so called 'unblemished' image is not so clean and I have a little one to prove it.

  Bottom line is this for you and your future baby daddy / co-parent:

  He's probably embarassed by the fact that you're pregnant and unwilling to convert.

  He probably thinks if he finds a 'more perfect' woman then he can 'salvage' his image.

  He's hit the wall with all of his playing the double life thing and he knows it.

  Time for him to take his lumps... Time for him to own up to his mistakes and time for him to man up and be a dad.

  Meanwhile, things are not going good for you and you're being put in this emotional ringer while you are pregnant and raging with hormones. Not a good combination at all. For your baby's sake, get some distance from the situation and let him work out his crap with his high control religion. You take care of you and tell him that until he becomes a man you don't need the stress.

  It does get better over time. My son is now ten years old, his mom and I have a somewhat coordial relationship. We just returned from a 3 day trip with family and he had a good time with us and his little sister.
• 

  jaguarbass

  If your boyfriend would eat some of their garbage he wouldnt be running around with you

  with some other mans baby.

  Because if he is a JW and not married to you, most likely the babys not his

  Because the garbage JW's feed the flock is not to have sex outside of marriage.

  And if he was a JW, the garbage they would feed him would also tell him to man

  up and accept his responsibility.

  It sounds to me like maybe he found a watchtower in a laundermat and told you that

  was his religion.

  I doubt hes been to very many meetings.

  Probalby passes the kingdom hall on his way to sell crack, but never been inside.

  I dont care for or like JW's but to be fair to them your dealing with something much

  lower on the scale.

  It sounds like you got yourself a gangster of sorts the kind with his pants down

  below his azz.
• 

  garyneal

  Confuzzled:

  I can sincerely say that things will get better but it does not sound like this situation is the best for you and your unborn child.

  Get some space between the two of you and tell him to man up if he really wants you in his life.
• 

  yknot

  .... okay so are we semi all in agreement .....

  Guy is acting like a LOSER

  Her getting some distance is good things for two reasons

  1) She should prepare to ditch his sorry, disrespectful, abusive, lazy, whiny, and immature heiny

  2) He might 'come to his senses' and realize his responsibilities and priorities.

  (I vote #1)