I don't. I think I'll always have a few issues because of my family being stuck in the WTS, but I don't think I'm forever damaged because I was born and raised a witness. I've been out since 1998 so I've had time to learn how to be normal. I've had time to get over the pain and hurt of shunning by those who claimed to love me. I've had time to get over the anger and realize that my parents only did what they thought best for me with, what they knew at the time. I really can't blame them because my mom was born in too. I was a 4th generation JW on my mom's side. I've learned to forgive them for not being the parents I would have liked. and accepted them for who and what they are. They are only human.
For years I sat around and waited for life to happen to me. I waited for good things to happen, like getting a good job. I thought about this last year when I was turning 35. I had no education to speak of, I didn't even graduate from high school. I realised that I was waiting for life to happen and I was the one preventing me from having a good life. I realised that most of the successful people in this world don't just fall into that success. They go after what they want. I knew that if I wanted my life to change for the better I would have to stop making excuses for myself, and go after what I want. So I did. I got my GED and I've signed up for college. I will be getting a 2 year degree starting next spring. I would be going sooner but I have some residency issues, because I just moved to a new state and I have to wait until I've been here a year so I don't have to pay triple the price for classes. In the mean time I have an appointment to speak to an advisor, at the school that I want to go to, on April 21. I am planning on taking free classes to help me get ready to take the entrance exam that are offered by the college. I'm going to get all the info on grants and student loans and get all of that done before I go to school. I'm excited about my life again. I have a goal and I'm working towards that goal. One step at a time.
Am I sad because I have family I would like to share this with and they shun me?? Sure, but I knew a long time ago that the love they claimed to have for me wasn't real love. I've been out long enough to have made some real family connections with people who are not related to me. I'm lucky because my parents don't shun me. They have been nothing but supportive for my goals of going to college. I have adopted a sister and nieces and nephews. My "adopted" sister has shown me real family love. She's an EX JW too. She wasn't raised a JW like I was, but we met at the KH and have remained close all these years.
I don't blame the WTS for my lack of education. I blame myself and the mistakes I made years ago. They haven't have any power over me for almost 12 years now. I'm the one who was wallowing in the mire of my own life for all these years. It was my own lack of self confidence in my own brain power that stopped me from doing this years ago, not the WTS. I'm dyslexic, so I thought I would not be good at going back to school. I never thought I could do it. Now I know I can. I may be dyslexic, but I'm smart, I think I'm very smart. I just learn a little differently than most people.
I think as an adult I'm the one who is in charge of my happiness, not anyone or anything else. So when I look at my life, I look for those things and people that don't make me happy, and I either change them or get rid of them. I think there comes a point in life where you have to take stock of who you are as a person and see what is making you unhappy is changeable. If you don't change it then you can't blame other people for your unhappiness. I know this isn't easy. I know it hurts to accept your own failings as your own, without blaming someone or something else. I know because, I've done it.
You have to look at your life and see what is holding you back. If whatever it is doesn't make you happy, then for your own sake change it! There is no easy way in life. There are no "do overs" in real life. You either succeed or fail on your own. I encourage everyone to take stock of their own life and change what needs to be changed. You are not forever damaged because you were a JW. I think accepting the fact that you were a JW, and letting go of the anger and pain is way more healthy then stewing in it for years and years, and letting that be an excuse why you didn't do something. No matter what you were in the past you can't change it now, so let it go, and change what you can now. Make yourself happy. Live for yourself, because those people you are trying to hold on to are not going to be there forever. You and you alone are going to have to face your regrets later. No one else can do it for you.