Marked.
Do you think you are forever damaged by the Watchtower??
by noni1974 28 Replies latest jw friends
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noni1974
Terry I also lived in a fantasy world for many years. I stopped living in that world and have moved on to change my own reality to suit my old dreams. I have real goals for the first time in my life. I'm slowly working towards them. The only thing stopping me, was me. The WTS hasn't had a place in my life for 12 years. I can't use that as an excuse anymore. No one can drag you back into the WTS unless you let them. Guilt only works if you let it work.
Yes I lost years to the WTS. I lost 23 years to them, but I'm determined to not lose anymore. I don't hold any grudges against them because I want to be free. Holding anger inside makes you still a victim. I refuse to be a victim. I refuse to let them rule my brain now that I'm out. I made peace with the fact that I was raised a JW. It wasn't something I could help. I had no control over how I was raised. I do have control over how I spend the rest of my life though.
Do I like the WTS?? Hell no! I wish they would implode and release my family, but I'm not holding my breath waiting for it.
Getting an education is my number one priority right now. I don't think it's ever to late to do that for anyone.
WTWizard I lost opportunities also. I was pulled out of school. I lost the opportunity to get a education when I was young. I let my lack of a high school diploma makes excuses for years. I never thought I could really get my GED because I didn't think I would pass the test. I let that stop me for years from even trying. Then last year I went through a major depression. My life sucked. I hated it. The only way I could think of changing it was to make an effort to change it. So I bought books to help me study for the test. I came to a point where I thought I needed help, so I signed up for classes to help me. They make you take placement tests before they put you in a class. I passed all of those tests. I was told I was ready to take the test. I was shocked. I was even more shocked when I passed it on the first try without ever getting into those free GED classes I thought I needed. I know there are still wholes in my education that I need to work on. Once I speak to the advisior for the college I'll be getting into classes to help me pass the COMPASS test for college. My goal is to not let oppportunities pass me by anymore. I'm making my own opportunities now. No one else can do it for me. I don't hold my lost opportunities against anyone else. I was the one who lost them. I was the one who didn't grab the bull by the horns and go after what I wanted.
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Quirky1
Yes...
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Quirky1
Outlaw, you always crack my ass up..
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Scarred for life
Yes, I feel that I have been forever damaged by the Watchtower. But most everything you say is true, Noni. All of us can move on from our past and make our lives better. We can find a way to become educated, we can become involved in new activities, and we can make new friends.
Congratulations to you, Noni, for all that you are doing to make your life better. You've put all that negativity behind you. Keep posting. We need to hear from you.
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Terry
Getting an education is my number one priority right now. I don't think it's ever to late to do that for anyone.
Amen, Sister Noni....Amen!
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flipper
No, I am not damaged . I've gained a lot of strength, power, and control of my life back in the last 6 years after exiting the JW cult. THAT is what the WT society steals from us- our free will, critical thinking ability, freedom, and our sense of self esteem. Being in the witness cult beats a person down through so much needless guilt and fear being instilled inside you - each of us HAS to after exiting find out WHAT CAUSED us to be influenced like that by reading and educating ourselves about mind control cults.
It was not OUR fault we were victims of abuse by cult mind control. Some of us were born into it - so we have to forgive ourselves - and realize if WE had made the choice early on, instead of our parents - we would never have BEEN in the witnesses ! Now I keep busy and find fulfillment in helping others move on AFTER exiting cult mind control from the witnesses. I find a lot of satisfaction in doing that. We have to replace the negative things we suffered with positive activities in our life to fill any void that was left from the cult. Also, engaging in enjoyable hobbies and interests helps
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undercover
Do you think you are forever damaged by the Watchtower??
hmmm...what day is it?
Meaning - some days I would answer "no"...most days actually. But now and again, something happens that brings all that JWism crashing back down on me and I have to muddle through the feelings and issues of having wasted so much time with them. But even that's because of having JW family and the pressures they can bring at times.
Noni - excellent post. Yes, at some point we have to take charge of our happiness - or how we react to negative things, whether JW or otherwise, in our life.
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cult classic
Terry - your analogies have given me lots of perspective. Your post is a reminder that it is important to place responsibility where it lies. My upbringing and involvement with Watchtower is at the core of a lot of my emotional issues. I believe that healing is possible. However the need for healing in many instances is b/c of having been a witness. For years I would berate myself because of being sad and despondent. Never feeling quite right was something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. That view was damaging and ignored the role of my religious and social environment.
"It was not OUR fault we were victims of abuse by cult mind control. Some of us were born into it - so we have to forgive ourselves"
Thank you a thousand times Flipper- I needed that.
Undercover - totally agree on this. My husband says we're just one witness buzzword from meltdown.......lol.
Good comments everyone!!
Cult Classic
