by gubberningbody 42 Replies latest jw friends
Finding fulfillment and happiness after leaving the tower depends on how great the sacrifices were that were made due to the faith. These range from career choices to loss of family, friends, and spouses.
Humans have a tendency to regret poor choices. Regret if not reconciled leads to depression, unhappiness and even in recovery, anger. Everything we live through will leave a mark of some kind, for better or for worse.
Too, for many here I imagine that the only thing the constant grating contact with the Borg could do is force you remain chronically BELOW your natural set point.
yup contact with them always felt miserable tiring deflated, and always left its own special version of a bad after taste or smell that contaminated the next few days
i allowed the grating to continue for a few years, and all it did was interfere with my baseline or whatever you call it.
life would be happy and i adjusted to being thrown out of my family as im quite self contained/sufficient, then theyd do their pick up and drops and it would cause the irritations inconviniences or whatever traumas. it was like having a scab that got almost healed then theyd pick it off again. with hindsight (always far too late to be of any use) if i'd gone for a clean break in the very beginning i could have saved myself a lot of agro.
once i'd taken my toys back and left them to theirs the scab healed.
maybe that comes under the stashed catagory, but i prefer filed, ive never denied the existance, talking about dub stuff in my own life is like talking about the price of mince or what the weathers like. i feel pretty detached from my biological beginings, its just a previous life
That's exactly it Lady. Now this might be bad news for the chronically depressed, but since that state invariably has an underlying physical cause, the person should get a full physical, MRI and then concentrate on being as physically healthy as they can be, avoiding as far as possible any negative people, or situations which after careful notation, they feel less happy being around. I'd also recommend that these keep a journal and write in it daily so they can go back and see if their recollection of events past match their current assessment of those same events. This latter will help the individual acquire a measure of objectivity. It would be great if you could get the "truth" as they see it from others around them, but that's not likely to ever take place because people habitually prevaricate. It would also be useful to find a therapist trained in the new evidence-based medicine paradigm (which I predict will take over in a few years).
One study doesn't establish an entire science.
It is well accepted by professionals and researchers alike that both nature (our genetic makeup) and nurture (our experiences) have an influence on our personality.
That said, outside events don't "make" us happy or unhappy, our personal reactions to them do that.
Tell that bullshit to Patty Hearst or members of those who died under Jim Jones idiocy. Or to those now 'out' of the bOrg but missing family members forever due to evil policies.
I am not one for sitting around 'feeling miserable' about it. But to ignore the reality that lifetimes wasted in pursuit of lies, loosing ones entire frame of reference and support mechanism, having a mate divorce you over your exit, or never getting to speak to your 'spiritually strong' children again, does not go away in 8-12 weeks.
Was this 'study' conducted with members of mind control cults interviewed and followed? No. Sure, people get over life's 'ups and downs' in a few weeks. Having invested a lifetime, only to have the entire thing be valueless is not quite the same thing. It might be for those who left at 17 or 28. Even then, 8 to 12 weeks is not going to undue all the damage to ones self-worth.
This subject is far deeper than that superficial study suggests.
If I loose my home due to the economy I will probably bounce back in 8-12 weeks. If I loose all my friends, all my social support, my wife, my kids, and my faith, 8-12 weeks ain't cuttin' it likely.
Rubbish.
Jeff
I am with Lady Lee and AK-Jeff.
Just as a personal aside, I had issues from before I was a JW. I didn't face those issues because I learned that "the end was near." I finally faced those issues in therapy after leaving the JW's (and it took longer than 8-12 weeks). I pretty much worked out those issues, but my soulmate is still a JW and it extremely effects my happiness.
Either I am just a miserable SOB finding little rays of sunshine here and there, or the study is not right in my case.
Here is what Baroness Professor Dr Susan Greenfield, a neuro scientist, has to say about this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d44tfuq7KOc&feature=related
Dr Greenfield shows how nurture can trump nature.
It also helps us to understand how cults can control us.
I am totally with OTWO, Lady Lee and AK-Jeff.
I really feel if I had been born into a family who was healthy and treated me with love I would not be depressed. But to be put down, abused told I was worthless all my life by my parents and sister. My mom used to tell me "I wish to God you had never been born." Made to take care of my sister who is six years older then I am from the age of 18 until I married at 24 and then to have the guilt placed on me by the so called "friends" who did not want to deal with my family telling me I was being unfair by getting married and having my own life.
To not go to collage and have a life, instead of sitting in a car for hours and hours going out in service in the rules. Driving around and around doing nothing but being with a bunch of nasty people who hated my guts and told me to my face how they disliked me. Yet they were my brothers and sisters the "friends" who would give their lives for me. Yeh right they could not give me five minutes of conversation in the car all day.
Being married to an elder who put the "truth" before me his wife. Being stalked by a crazy nut case "brother" who was telling me he was going to blow my husband away and his wife told me he had his gun loaded to shoot my husband at least one time. My husband being told when he called Bethel for help 'hey your on your own, but above anything else do not bring Jehovah's name into this by getting a restraining order'. Having my husband ask me to craw on my hands and knees in my own home for two years so as not to bring reproach on Jehovah's name as ordered by the so called brothers at Bethel.
Yeh it probably will only take me about 8 to 12 weeks to get over this.
Yes, genes are important, but they need to be put in their place like she says.
