We set up a trust a few years ago but have an appointment with our attorney later this month to make sure it is current and make any changes necessary. Originally we had our daughter and our two sons to share equally. Now I feel that it should not be equal. The last time Clyde or I saw or had a conversation with her was on the day my father was buried three years ago even though she lives only ten miles away. (Neither Clyde or I are DF’d). She does not answer phone calls, emails or letters. I also make sure to send her an anniversary card every year. She sent a rather cryptic email to our youngest son who invited her to his wedding last year about “marrying only in the lord.” No congratulations.
Sometimes I get very upset about this. Also, the way I was treated before my father passed away. I had been his Power of Attorney, and she and her husband (plus my brother and cousin) convinced him to remove me. All of a sudden I was an outsider because I had dared the question the big “O” in a very brief conversation back in 2005—this despite the fact that I spent almost seven years helping my father with the care of my invalid mother when they and the rest of the congregation mostly looked the other way.
Other days, I try to understand. I remind myself that I have to share a bit of the blame. In my late teens, I was largely responsible for my father becoming a witness—he often spoke of the good example I set for him and that’s why he became a witness. Of course, I trained my daughter to be a good witness to. I dutifully shunned people who weren’t a good example in the congregation. I would often comment on how important this was so that these people would see the error of their way.
Clyde has often spoken of how we need to show forgiveness, and sometimes I agree. Then I think of our two sons who have been wonderful. They and their families have been very loving. One son lives out of state but comes to visit three or four times a year and calls us regularly. When we are with them, we can talk about any subject without being “judged.” On the other hand, our daughter will run to the elders any time she hears something she doesn’t like. She tried to get Clyde in trouble about four years ago—won’t go into detail now.
We are starting our list of questions for the attorney this week. I think Clyde wants to be a little more lenient than I do. My feeling is, yes, let her have a little bit, but I personally feel that our sons are the ones who should be rewarded most—not her. Clyde and I have not discussed this aspect yet but will have to in the next few days and I also want to respect his wishes.
It’s hard to describe my feelings toward my daughter. I believe I have the normal feelings that any mother would have, but now it’s mostly sadness—that she is so completely locked into that awful cult.
Any advice?