Setting up trust – any suggestions on how to handle our JW daughter?

by Bonnie_Clyde 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  mind blown

  I can only tell you what I did from my own experience with my daughter.

  She recently started studying a few months ago....I'm DF'd. When I found out, my world was shattered because I knew what that meant. My only beautiful girl and I wouldn't have a relationship, if she decided to go through it.

  I went through so many, many, many emotions, betrayal, anger, saddness, hurt, being pissed again....you name, it I felt it. I even told her a few things that were wrong, but she was closed off...however, at the end of the day, I came to my conclusion, I truly have un conditional love for her, and my girl is an adult/young adult, she has her own life, I've already lived mine. if she truly believes this is right for her, if it's filling some kind of need for her, or she really trusts that this is true for her...I decided to let her go in love.

  I told her, the bottom line is I love you, very much. You know how I feel about WTS, and you know I studied in depth and you know, NOW I try to investigate and learn as much as I can about various things..... if you have any questions, ask me. I'm not going to bible bang you, unless you bible bang me. If this is truly what you want, then I'm not standing in your way. If you need me, I'm always here.

  Happy to say, she still calls me. If she asks me something about world events or anything else....I tell her my view point...and I really don't ask her much about her progress with her studies, I pretty much stay out of it.

  I've prepared myself for either outcome. I'll let her go in love and peace if need be.

  This doesn't mean I'm a wet blanket, I'm surly not.....but at the end of the day.....this was best for me and I haven't put a wedge between us, I'm always here for her.
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  talesin

  I'm kind of on the other end of this dilemna. Over the past 5 years, I have been told by my parents that my inheritance (land and old stuff that has been in the family for generations) has been cut out of the will as they 'want it to remain in the family' and I have no kids. My honest reaction was WTF? They (my brother and his kids) will have it anyways after Armageddon - why not let me live there till I die and I will give it back in my will. When I tried to discuss it in this fashion, I got the good ole 'eye roll' and "Don't be like that" (iow, don't talk sensibly). But, common sense is not so common in JW families.

  Have I cut off my parents? No - I refuse to be like them. I treat my parents the same - call them, visit, help out when I can. In the end, I want to be a better person because I left the Tower, not selfish and greedy like my JW brother. As much as I hate their lifestyle and choices, I still DO love my parents as they like to say "unconditionally", and I am determined to show THEM exactly what that means.

  Your money - your choice, that just my 2 cents.

  t
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  Bonnie_Clyde

  I've heard some excellent suggestions. I think the best one is to email her and ask her what she wants us to do. I'll ask Clyde's opinion on this first.
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  spawn

  I wouldn't leave her anything as she doesn't deserve it.
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  flipper

  BONNIE- I am totally going through the same attitudes from my 2 JW daughters as you and Clyde are. My son is not a witness ( the oldest 25 ) thankd gawd . We get along great. It really is your decision to make. I think the letter writing idea by Alan V and Troubled Mind is a great idea and see how your daughter responds. Down the road I'll be facing this same question as I make a will out in regards to my wife and adult children.

  The thing to remember is your daughter is under the influence of cult mind control which affects her not being able to have an authentic human personality. It's really like she is mentally ill- truthfully. ALL of our JW relatives are in fact that way. They are unable to have clear critical thinking ability. So take that into consideration when making your decision. If your daughter was using her own real personality she would choose to be more real and show more love. She is controlled by a cult who isn't giving her that option. Perhaps she'll break free someday. It's all we can hope for with our daughters my friend. Hope for change someday. Hang in there- I understand your pain
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  Georgiegirl

  I would also wonder how much of it would go back to the organization in the form of a large donation.

  As far as asking her how she wants to handle it - IF she started speaking to you, would you always wonder if she was having a relationship with you out of love or out of eagerness for her inheritance?

  My suggestion? Leave her a little bit (maybe enough for a vacation) and then take the rest of it and set up a scholarship fund in her name at a local university for a needy student or 2. Depending on how much, your lawyer can structure it so its a renewable scholarship. You can't imagine how helpful my grants and scholarships have been - truly the gift that keeps on giving.
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  upnorth

  I wouldn't leave her a penny. As a former cult member I do no business with anyone I know to be or suspect to be a WBATS cult member. Not one penny I earn will knowing go to help that vile organization.

  If you can love her out of that cult do it.
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  Broken Promises

  Just remember who it was that brought her up in the cult.

  You said yourself that you avoided “less spiritual” ones – who observed this?

  Unfortunately, you are reaping the “rewards” of bringing your child up in a cult. And you did too good a job at it too.

  So don’t judge her so harshly. I’m not saying what she is doing is right, but she doesn’t know any better, and she thinks she’s setting the right example.

  Just as you were, when you were a JW.
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  Mary

  While it is ultimately your decision Bonnie, my own personal feeling on the matter is that I would not leave your daughter a dime. The fact that she has taken it upon herself to treat you like you are disfellowshipped (when you're not), lives 10 miles away yet refuses to even acknowledge your existence, and the fact that she and her husband got your father to remove you as Power of Attorney plainly speaks volumes. Even by the Organization's standards, she's gone way above and beyond what they require and has demonstrated where her loyalty lies. Unfortunately, it is not with her parents.

  A good friend of mine is in the exact same position as you. Once she and her husband left the Borg, her one son and his wife shunned them and wouldn't even let the grandkids come down to see them anymore. This crushed my friend's spirit completely as she loves her grandkids dearly. Once they began to think clearly, they had their Will re-done and their self-righteous son gets nothing. The two oldest boys, (one whom is still a Witness but treats his mother with all the love and respect a child should) get everything. Since the youngest son does not know he is not getting anything now (and will inevitably ask "Why?" when the Will is read after his parents pass away), she's even included an explanation in the Will detailing his treatment of his parents and even added that he obviously had "no natural affection" for them. While the lawyer my not understand it, the youngest son I'm sure, will get the drift.

  To me, if a child can so totally disrespect their parents like this, they don't deserve to inherit anything.

  Just my two cents worth.
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  LatinxJW

  I say leave her nothing, as others have mentioned before she will just donate it to the real estate holding and publishing company called the WT. Your sons are actually following the bible more closely then your daughter is in respect their parents. My children will be putting me in the same situation as they have recently expressed they will no longer speak to me after they turn 18.