I had to hurt my kids this weekend... it sucks (page 2)

awildflower

I absolutely think you did the right thing. The thing is you have to keep doing that now no matter what comes up to the point where when your ex tries to make plans during your visit time, the kids will speak up and remind her of the agreement. Make it firm so your kids know you wont waver and your ex knows it to. And let the courts know what's going on by documenting every little thing like this, (even though this isn't a "little" thing). I'm sorry you all cried and struggled with this but each time you do this your kids will draw closer to you. And the more time they end up spending with you, the more they will see what's wrong with the cult. God I just want to slap your ex because of what she's doing to these kids! Hang in there friend, your doing the right thing.

P.S. Did you get to talk more about that CO Visit and what it really means? Maybe ask your son as a young man in the org, what has the CO ever done for him? Has he taken a personal interest in him? Help him see what a hyped up sham that all is, in a respectful way of course.

Mad Sweeney

Great work, Oz! A few tears and hurt feelings are NOTHING in comparison with allowing them to spend time being indoctrinated by the Borg. Now you've got them on the same page as you as far as the agreement goes. Clearly the ex-wife agreed to let your son decide whether to come home or not because she assumed the Borg-pressure would make him do it every time.

Good luck with your kids and a great future for the three of you!

judge rutherFRAUD

Oz ; you did just fine taking a no nonsense approach. this is what I always say about standing up to the jw's . show the jw's no quarter, because they have no respect for anyone. the more you stand up to them and their trickery and see they are getting no where. the faster you gain respect and you will help your kids in ways they will never forget... john

aSphereisnotaCircle

You did the right thing OZ.

And I agree, it sucks.

cantleave

Do as your lawyer says and hold to the agreement. Your ex sounds like a nightmare.

Darth plaugeis

Oz you did right, I let my ex JW bend the rules from the court next thing I knew my kids were gone. Haven't seen them since. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that they were having a real hard time with the divorce but all she did was turn them on me and it didn't take long. Don't make the same mistake you have rights.

mimimimi

You did the right thing. THis behavior on the part of your wife needs to be brought to the attention of a judge...the creating of other plans for the children to try to keep their time with you limited...and a cease and desist order sought.

troubled mind

You did the RIGHT thing and have nothing to feel bad about . Your children are old enough to understand the real situation . They also deserve to know how important they are to you and that you need time with them ! You were fair and reasonable ,they will grow to appreciate that trait in you . I can tell from your whole story you don't bad mouth their mother to them and that is good . You can give them a glimpse though on how JW"S view matters ,and how NORMAL people do things though .

Very important for you to counter balance the guilt your son will be experiencing from his mother .......Because he is old enough to chose he will be harped at for choosing to stay longer and missing Sunday meeting . Explain this to him in no uncertain terms so he truely understand the pressure that WILL be facing him . He needs to know it is okay for him to stay and have time with you and it does not mean he is choosing you ober Jehovah .....because believe me that is how it will be put to him .

BE STRONG and keep holding to the new agreement.... MEAN IT !!! I think maybe your wife has taken advantage of your good nature up to this point and she needs to know things have now changed .

troubled mind

You did the RIGHT thing and have nothing to feel bad about . Your children are old enough to understand the real situation . They also deserve to know how important they are to you and that you need time with them ! You were fair and reasonable ,they will grow to appreciate that trait in you . I can tell from your whole story you don't bad mouth their mother to them and that is good . You can give them a glimpse though on how JW"S view matters ,and how NORMAL people do things though .

Very important for you to counter balance the guilt your son will be experiencing from his mother .......Because he is old enough to chose he will be harped at for choosing to stay longer and missing Sunday meeting . Explain this to him in no uncertain terms so he truely understand the pressure that WILL be facing him . He needs to know it is okay for him to stay and have time with you and it does not mean he is choosing you ober Jehovah .....because believe me that is how it will be put to him .

BE STRONG and keep holding to the new agreement.... MEAN IT !!! I think maybe your wife has taken advantage of your good nature up to this point and she needs to know things have now changed .

flipper

AUSSIE OZ- My god friend ! Was your ex-wife a twin sister of my JW ex-wife ; separated at birth ? Jesus. Your experience is like a carbon copy of what I went through from my ex-wife when my kids were teenagers a few years ago near 2000. My ex-wife also tried planning things for my teenagers when it was legally my visiting time three and a half days a week. 50 % custody. The advice from AWILDFLOWER is good advice - keep a written log of EVERY infraction of your JW ex-wife's violation of the court ordered visitation. No matter how much power the JW's THINK they have over this child visitation issue- it DOES NOT trump the power of the legal courts of the land. If this happens again- tell your attorney you want a mediation appointment with a court appointed mediator who will meet with you, your ex, and your children to discuss this. I had to do this to assure my ex-wife WOULD NOT keep violating my children's visitation rights.

Also- The advice to not bash the ex-wife verbally in front of the kids is good advice. Kids should never be made to choose between this parent or that parent - no matter HOW anal your ex-wife is ( and I see she is quite anal ) - show yourself the bigger person and CONTROL your emotions in front of your kids ! If you bash the kids mother in front of them- it will just re-affirm what your ex is telling the kids about you. Even though what she tells them is false. Don't give your ex-wife ANYTHING to use against you in court. We already know she has learned from the JW cult to be passive /aggressive lying, manipulative piece of cow excrement ( like my ex ) - so show yourself to be the bigger person and let the COURTS do your battles for you. Stand up for your rights- but do it in the right manner is all I'm saying.

If you are in this for the long haul - it will be a good thing for your kids to meet with a non-witness mediator to see how REAL justice operates in the laws of the land ; not JW " injustice ". I wish you the best ! Your kids are precious, they love you- but they are being mind controlled by the cult, and more often manipulated by their mother 24/7 to hate you unjustly. I know, I've lived it , experienced it. STILL to this day 12 years after my divorce the ex-wife STILL tries influencing my 23 and 21 year old daughter against me. My 25 year old son sees through the BS and manipulation . Your kids will too someday. They are still young. Give it time- but YOU stay balanced and level headed while you work on securing your legal freedom with your kids ! O.K. ? If you would like to talk- just PM me, I'm here bro

I had to hurt my kids this weekend... it sucks

Share this