by hereiam! 44 Replies latest jw friends
Hereiam,
Thank god you are here and not in, say, indoctrination field service .
Welcome to the board. I am new, just like you, and in my short few weeks of being part of this community I have really benefited a great deal from reading older posts and active threads.
Give it some time, it will all make sense and your child one day, knowingly or not, will be infinitely thankfull for your decision.
-Yan
Hello and Welcome! Congratulations on your new little person, too!
From,
palmtree
It isn't only normal, the feelings will come back from time to time even after you think you've moved on. Your husband may eventually experience some of the down feelings, too.
Acceptance is hard. Hard to accept that your family is going to shun you. Hard to accept that you've been lied to for decades. Hard to accept that your loved ones are duped by an evil mind control cult. It's hard all around.
I second the recommendation to "read, read, read." There is an entire world of information out there (and here at JWN) to explore. You do NOT need to "wait on Jehovah" for the right conditions to live a happy and purposeful life. You can LIVE RIGHT NOW and be VERY HAPPY. My family is the happiest we have ever been after decades under the thumb of the WTS.
Losing your faith isn't easy. I am in a kind of "divided" household right now as my wife still believes in God and that the Bible is His Word. I neither believe nor disbelieve and am not in any particular hurry to choose a side. It is not relevant to me at the present time to do so.
You will find many that you have much in common with here at JWN and you will find many who are quite different. What you won't find much of that is common at the Kingdom Hall is judgmentalism. Athiests discuss topics side by side with hardcore Christians without acrimony (but not without the occasional thrown barb). When you come to be able to accept others as they are, regardless of their beliefs, it will help you to accept your own circumstances and sort out beliefs of your own if you choose to have any.
Don't look back with regret. Don't look forward with uncertainty. Just look around you and enjoy the life you have been given and the life you and your husband have created together.
Hola, mucho gusto! Hope I spelled that correctly.
¡Biebenida hereiam! Estamos aqui para darnos apoyo mutuo y sincero. Enviame un PM (mensaje personal) para conocernos mejor. Welcome hereiam! We are here to support each onther. Send me a PM to get to know each other better.
Welcome, hereiam! Wow, you don't do things by half-measures, do you? I understand your quandry, since my family too is ultra-strong "truth-wise" and the urge to please them or at least, not lose them through shunning, is extremely difficult. Your situation is made even more of a struggle by the fact that you're pregnant (congrats on that--exciting!) and that's a time when, more than anything, you want your mom, sisters, etc. It sounds like you've got a good husband, who's also had his eyes opened, and that's a bonus.
My suggestion is to get good medical assistance. There are various anti-depressants that are safe for pregnant women (I know this first hand) and you probably should talk to your doctor about getting a prescription. I say that because losing your faith is a catastrophic emotional experience and some of us have needed both therapy and meds to get us over the hump. There's no shame in that--you've been traumatized through no fault of your own. As well, being preggers, your hormones are doing the samba and likely exacerbating the depression. You don't want to run the risk of adding to the trauma by incurring post-partum depression on top of everything else (I had ppd following my first pregnancy and it's no fun). So, speak to your doctor or other medical professional (you might want to track down a good psychologist) and see what can be done
You are among friends who care, who've been through what you're going through. Please keep us up to date as things progress...
I am glad you decided to join and talk about things.......talking helps a lot!
I would hope you could see way to give yourself a break and accept that you are going through some major changes and the ups and downs are unavoidable. Sure being pregnant is adding to the emotions but babies are wonderful, you are wonderful and things will be okay....... 'this too shall pass'.
Take deep breaths, eat properly, drink plenty of water, start a 'gratitude journal', don't barricade yourself in the house, get out in the sun for at least 20 minutes a day, and smile at others.
Making 'real friends' is hard, daunting and scary but having your baby will help! Take baby-readiness classes, make friends with the women who will be giving birth to you child's future schoolmates. Since your hubby is choosing to remain a Xian, perhaps consider joining a chruch. Ya I know that is really scary but just like the KH it provides 'instant friends' but unlike the KH they are far less conditional, and most are downright genuine. Making friends is actually quite easy you just say 'hi' and nice to meet you.......the hard part is accepting their friendship after a lifetime of indoctrintation to avoid worldlies. They are great people, though.....most are upbuilding, friendly and willing to add you to their social circle. They actually value you rather than your congregational standing!
Armageddon isn't coming anytime soon so you have a lifetime to enjoy this child, make plans...... make lots of plans, plans for college, plans for birthdays, plans for a future......
Don't pull away from your hubby....
Post here to us girlz when you need to talk...... (You can PM me anytime!)
You are not alone and you deserve to be happy.........socializing helps you become happy, happiness rubs off on each other..... just like smiling makes others smile back!!!!
As for your parents don't answer questions, talk 'theocratic' to them (ie about that week's WTStudy article/ check out threads(MP3s) on SPAD, CA or DC talks).....buy yourself time until you are ready.
If they ask about 'sisterly association'........ well technically I am still 'in' and so are others on this board so you are 'technically' associating. I have to kiddos too..... so if you need to talk 'baby' ......well I am up to my ears in baby'/early childhood (and I have a new nephew to boot)
...... you can do this, make it look good and start feeling 'normal-happy'
Hello and welcome! I love your user name "Here I am!" It works on several levels... we're glad you're here.
You have a LOT going on. Not only is the new little one a blessing and a huge responsibility, your hormones are all over the place. Just stop, breathe, and be good to yourself.
Secondly, for most... life is not all rosy immediately after discovering the TRUTH about the "(T)ruth". It is not easy to have your entire life's fundamental teachings snatched out from under you. It is not easy to discover that the ones you put your purist trust in were LYING to you.
Allow yourself to go through a bit of a mourning period for the loss of your beliefs. It may take time. You will probably feel angry and sad before you come to a place of acceptance and then... joy.
Believe me, it DOES get easier, and much, much better!!! Keep reading, keep posting.
Love,
Baba.
Welcome to this wonderful forum. Glad that you joined.
Welcome to the group,
I also can relate, I had panic attacks and nightmares about how my family would react to my leaving, but it was still something I HAD to do- telling them in person was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did survive the ordeal & I know you will too.
Yes there will be depression and confusion and anger (and I've never been pregnant, so your feelings are many more times intense), that is completely normal
Getting some professional help is important if it is available in your area, I am happy you have your husband with you supporting you during this difficult time....
hugs to you both & keep us posted on how you are
CHG
